I made 53!

The past year has been challenging, as I have lacked the motivation to engage in physical activities such as running or cycling. I have been cycling for approximately half of the year, and it is more of a chore than an enjoyable experience. It is a task that I complete, similar to commuting to work or home.

On Saturday, September 19, I celebrated my 53rd birthday. I jokingly self-diagnosed myself as dyslexic, and I am currently 35 years old. Interestingly, I am in a period where living is not as arduous as it was in my earlier years. I do not harbor concerns about losing my job or being unable to provide for my family. I also lack the desire to improve myself. Some individuals attribute this to a common issue among middle-aged men, while others suggest that it may be a problem that led to my loss of interest in activities that once brought me great joy.

As I approached the weekend, my outlook was positive. This past week, I considered resuming running, albeit gradually and with small objectives, to get outdoors and alleviate my self-doubt.

My 53rd birthday was initially promising. Numerous colleagues at work extended their well-wishes on Friday, their sincerity being a refreshing experience. Saturday was equally enjoyable. During the day, my son and I visited the bicycle shop, the German festival, and the Apple Store. Later that evening, my girlfriend prepared a delicious dinner and a delectable carrot cake, my personal favorite.

However, Sunday morning dawned at 6:00 AM, prompting me to prepare for a group bike ride. This was a three-generational, 32-mile bike ride that balanced various interests. While it presented challenges and elicited some frustration, I managed to dismiss them and focus on enjoying my birthday weekend.

As the day progressed, I endeavored to maintain a positive demeanor in a particular situation, only to be met with harsh criticism reminiscent of a two-year-old. This unpleasant encounter severely dampened the positive emotions I had been experiencing. Instantly, the desire to engage in running dissipated, leaving me in a state of stagnation akin to the months preceding. I grappled with the profound impact of mean-spirited words on my psychological well-being, notably how they could diminish the joy I was beginning to experience. While I may never fully comprehend the reasons behind this, I recognize the error in allowing such negativity to persist.

In retrospect, I recall valuable lessons learned during my collegiate years. It is imperative to cultivate mental fortitude and refrain from dwelling on self-pity or the treatment I have endured. Instead, I must assume responsibility for my actions and comprehend that life is not always devoid of challenges or inequities. I must cease allowing others to exert control over me, as I did this evening. Tonight, I succumbed to an inappropriate sense of vengeance in my attempt to be benevolent, thereby granting someone else dominion over me.

Furthermore, I must cease complaining about uncontrollable factors, such as lost luggage or traffic congestion. Instead, I have focused on the aspects of my life that I can influence. I must recognize that I am not obligated to please everyone. I am empowered to decline requests or assert myself when necessary, and if this offends, so be it. While I strive to be kind, I cannot tolerate the anger that arises when my efforts to bring happiness to others are met with hostility.

Regardless of the outcome, I am weary of numerous burdens. I must conduct a thorough evaluation of my past and present circumstances to determine my future course of action. My subsequent post will likely convey a more optimistic outlook. My writing frequency has diminished due to the scarcity of favorable information to share. Let us join together in prayer for a positive transformation.

Carry on my friends, carry on!

Budget Rent A Car - Use caution

Two weekends ago, I rented a car from Budget Rent-A-Car instead of Enterprise. I found a better rate by pre-paying. While the pick-up and drop-off locations were more convenient, I chose Budget. I arrived 30 minutes early and asked to wait until the rental visit. The worker agreed, and I left 15 minutes early. He offered again, but I declined.

I returned the car 90 minutes early the next day and noticed a 70% increase in total charges on my credit card. I questioned this, and they responded: “There was no issue.”

After reviewing our records carefully, we have determined that this happened in your case.  

When your rental circumstances changed and you returned sooner than 24 hours, 

a different rate (that accurately met your new rental parameters) was applied to your contract.  

We are sorry for any miscommunication or inconvenience.

I returned a car early, and the rental fee increased by 70%. If I had returned four hours early, the fee would have been lower. Budget Rent-A-Car often adds sneaky fees for returning cars early. I’d hate to see what happens if I was two minutes late.

Carry on my friends, carry on!

What's been happening?

I tried to take a much-needed vacation last week.  So far this year, I have lost 7 vacation days, as I am an idiot and not using them.  I was looking forward to a bit of time off.  Work has calmed a little.   We have filled the open positions, and they are very high-quality individuals.  The female we hired 6 months ago is one of the best I have worked with, and it is a pleasure to have such skilled workers.

The vacation started out well, but it just kept getting worse.  The worst part was early in the trip.  I was within seconds of seeing a bicyclist get killed by an alcohol-impacted driver.  It was in the mountains near Golden, Colorado.  I felt sick as they worked on the innocent bicyclist for at least 15 minutes, and it only looked worse.  Read about it here.  

The axle of the car I was driving fell off within 10 miles of careening down a mountain with significant drop-offs.  If the axle had not held as long as it did, I would undoubtedly be at the bottom of some ravine and, I am sure, dead.

Toward the end of the trip, I had an enriching experience.  My son decided to ride his bicycle up Mount Evens (just south of Idaho Springs, Colorado).  It was a 14-mile ride with just under a mile ascent, ending above 14,000 feet.  I'm still determining how he did it, but seeing him score the goal was nice!

For some reason, I am growing more distant from those I care about most and closer to those I do not care for.  It is such an odd experience.  It is easier to hide the intense pain I am experiencing from those I do not know well.

Another downer is I recently found out a perfect friend has stage 4 colon cancer.  He had stomach pains for a while and even had his appendix out recently.  Then, this was discovered.  He is working hard to get the house ready to sell and make sure his wife is going to be OK after he passes.  Just heartbreaking to see such great people stricken with this grief and a short time to live.

On the Mount Evens trip, I was able to take some snapshots of some critters as well!

Carry on my friends, carry on!

Increase from 9.8 to 12.6 and copper clappers

I used to run five days a week, but knee surgery led me to stop. I started biking instead. This year, I’ve tried biking to work more often than once a week. I made three days, one week and a half, and two days a few times. Just under a third of the weeks starting in April, I didn’t bike at all.

I’ve complained about work being stressful and long. We have fewer staff members than in 2006, but we are busier. Technology could’ve reduced one position, but we’ve been trying to fill it for a long time. A staff member quit over a year ago, and we’re just starting to fill that permanent position.

My work life will be tolerable again in November. I’ll take a vacation, but I need to figure out where. I lost over three weeks of unused vacation time in the past few years.

(THIS IS T.M.I., so feel free to skip two paragraphs). I recently acquired a new bicycle attachment and am eager to test it out. One aspect I miss about running is the ability to listen to music or audiobooks. While cycling, the wind noise is substantial, and it is crucial to remain vigilant of one’s surroundings. To address this, I have purchased an Ivation1000mAh speaker system for my bicycle and cat ears to mitigate the wind noise.

I would like to know if the weather conditions will be favorable tomorrow. For the first time in a considerable amount of time, I am genuinely enthusiastic about this low-cost purchase and anticipate that it will significantly enhance the enjoyment of my bicycle commute.

If you are not aware, I have started an extensive Root Beer Review blog.  I have purchased over 50 brands, and I review them little by little, based on my preferred enjoyment.  After the first 10, it is incredible how different the same product is in this world.  Imagine if a tomato had over 30 different tastes but was labeled and looked the same?

In conclusion, I recently viewed the Fruitcake Lady on YouTube. For those familiar with the show, it offers a delightful comedic experience. For those unfamiliar, it remains enjoyable nonetheless.

In addition, I would like to share one of my favorite Tonight Show clips. Notably, new staff members (typically younger) inquire about the identities of Joe Friday (Jack Webb) and Johnny Carson when they encounter them. The skit gains additional depth for viewers who have watched Dragnet.

Carry on my friends, carry on!

Where is the man I used to be?

The man I once was, when I was carefree, happy, and confident, has been absent for decades. Gradually, he has been eroding my inner self. I apologize for my grumpiness, my lack of enjoyment, my inability to see the positive side, and my infrequent sense of humor.

Occasionally, after working over 60 hours a week for years to make ends meet, to do my best, and to ensure the well-being of others, it becomes challenging to find humor and maintain rational thinking.

I am not making excuses. I do not intend to make excuses. However, along with my apology, I want you to know that the sleep-deprived, distracted, forgetful, impatient, and snappy man you now encounter is not the man I envisioned or aspired to be.

I yearn to be the man who smiles spontaneously or because there is something within me that prompts it. I yearn to be the man who does not work himself to exhaustion and discovers something he enjoys. I yearn to work without the constant fear of repercussions for a simple decision. I yearn to be the man you laughed with as if nothing else mattered but my amusing joke. I yearn to be the man who possesses the confidence to believe in himself and accept that everything will unfold as planned. I yearn to be the man with the energy, patience, and creativity to infuse life with joy. I yearn to be the man who was difficult to criticize, unlike now, when most people persistently point out my flaws!

Perhaps, one day, I will rediscover him.

However, at present, I am at a loss. I am lost in a job that pushes me to the brink and makes me feel inadequate. Lost in a life that consists solely of sleep, work, sleep, work… Recently, I discovered that I have only had nine days off this year. This includes weekends and holidays. (There have been four holidays and twenty-six weekends, totaling fifty-two days so far this year.) Therefore, out of the seventy-eight days, most individuals have had off, while I have had nine… I acknowledge that this is my responsibility, but I am uncertain of what else to do!

Please continue to be patient with me. I am uncertain if I deserve such patience, but I implore you to remain with me for a while. In time, I hope the man we all cherished will return.

Carry on, my friends, carry on!

RIP Grandma's Marathon 1984-2014 - for me anyway!

I’m near job burnout. I’ve worked 70-hour weeks, but I’m ready to work a 40-45-hour week, and people will have to wait. This job stress has been a unique blend of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion, coupled with doubts about my competence and the value of my work.

Have you become cynical or critical at work? I drag myself to work, struggle to get started, and become irritable with coworkers, customers, or clients. I have low energy, need more satisfaction from my achievements, and have terrible sleep habits. I’m troubled by unexplained headaches, backaches, or other physical complaints.

I have no control over my job. I can’t influence decisions like your schedule, assignments, or workload. We also lack the necessary resources to support your work. Work takes up so much time and effort that I don’t have the energy to spend time with my family and friends.

I identify strongly with my work, which causes an imbalance between my work and personal life. I need to stop trying to be everything to everyone. The consequences are excessive stress, fatigue, insomnia, anxiety, and obesity, all of which increase my stroke risk. I must change before it’s too late.

I won’t finish the 31^st consecutive Grandma’s Marathon. There are a few reasons for this decision.

• Firstly, the forecast predicts severe thunderstorms. At the age of 52, I do not require six hours of exertion to complete a marathon in adverse weather conditions.
• I’ve had severe ankle pain since last fall, and physical therapy helped temporarily.
• Lastly, my health is a concern. As I had mentioned on May 29, the doctor diagnosed a bleeding ulcer. Although I have made an effort to improve my health, I have yet to achieve significant progress. Consequently, I decided to schedule a follow-up appointment before the race. The results were unfavorable, and the doctor strongly advised against participating. 

Long-term fatigue has many causes, but my hemoglobin level is now very low. I cringe when he calls it anemia. Low hemoglobin may be temporary, but it’s more likely due to internal bleeding that I can’t control. My job is the primary source of stress. I’ve never experienced this level of stress in the past six months, and I don’t see it getting better.

I had held on to Grandma’s Marathon for months, but I ignored the doctor's advice and did it anyway. I want to fail, as the thought of not going is depressing. It makes me wonder what else is there.

All streaks end, but I feel empty. My heart feels ripped from my chest. Maybe it’s my heart that bleeds, not my stomach.

My consecutive finishes at Grandma’s Marathon are over. RIP to the last consistent part of my life.

Carry on, my friends, carry on!

Comments from my original blog - I merged the blogs.

Mike W.

A heckuva streak, sit back and reflect on all the good years and a few of the struggle years and take pride. Well done. I missed you this year, and I hope to see you there next year.  Mike. Monday, June 29, 2015 at 3:47:12 PM CDT

Bleeding Ulcer, SH*%!

Feeling run down, I blamed my attempt to get back into shape. I learned to lounge and gradually regain my fitness, rather than pushing myself to play as if I were in peak condition. However, as I age, I yearn for the health of my younger self, leading to routine scenarios where I feel run-down and blame various circumstances.

Earlier this week, after dinner, I hid in my room due to intense stomach pain. It was excruciating! I visited the doctor for help. I have recurring extreme stomach pain and indigestion. I suspected it might be from the OTC sleep medicine and the daily need for ibuprofen. There’s extreme tenderness in my belly, so I underwent additional examination and testing.

The stool revealed occult blood, detectable only through chemical tests. The doctor explained that fatigue and tiredness stemmed from bleeding. The stomach combines food and digestive juices, initiating the digestive process. A protective lining shields it from digestive enzymes. Damage to this lining causes inflammation and pain, potentially leading to bleeding in the stomach or duodenum.

Red blood cells transport oxygen to organs. A low red blood cell count can cause fatigue, weakness, lack of energy, shortness of breath, chest discomfort, and lightheadedness when standing up quickly. This occurs because the body struggles to deliver oxygen-carrying red blood cells to the brain, which subsides after a few seconds as the body adapts or sits down.

Chronic inflammation resulted in the formation of a small crater, or ulcer, in the gastrointestinal tract. I experienced occasional black tarry stools. Through endoscopy, a source of bleeding was identified, and the blood vessels were cauterized.

Currently, I am advised to avoid aspirin and ibuprofen. Lansoprazole has been prescribed to reduce stomach acid secretion and facilitate healing. The effectiveness of these measures will be evident in the near future, as I have not experienced any improvement in my condition today. I will continue to manage my health one day at a time.

I am aware that diet plays a crucial role in treating bleeding ulcers. The following nutrients and foods should be incorporated into a diet:

• Vitamin A: Apricots, cheese, carrots, cantaloupe, eggs, spinach, mangoes, sweet potato, and milk
• Vitamin C: Mangoes, peas, melons, beans, oranges, cabbage, milk, berries, potatoes, yogurt, lemons, pork, beef, liver, mussels, and chicken.
• Vitamin E: Spinach and other leafy greens, Egg yolk, peanuts, mangoes, and kiwis.
• Zinc: Dairy products, peas, and oranges

My foods to avoid are:

• Pepper
• Chili
• Caffeine
• Fried and oily food
• Chocolate

Let's see if I am intelligent and disciplined enough to conquer this pain.

Carry on, my friends, carry on…

Is no 31st Grandmas depressing?

In light of my recent experiences, I am contemplating whether I will be able to complete the 31^st consecutive Grandma’s Marathon. Having participated in the event for 30 consecutive years, I have reached a point where I lack the motivation to even attempt the 31st. Additionally, I am currently in the most physically unfit condition of my life. Furthermore, my heart issues and high stress levels have made life increasingly challenging.

I have noticed that when individuals experience negative self-perception, those close to them often become critical and exacerbate their feelings of inadequacy. It is possible that I am interpreting the words of support as criticism.

Today, I encountered a compelling story that prompted me to reflect on various aspects of life. The story centered around a teacher addressing his middle school class.

She explained that a cruise ship had an accident at sea.  On board were a couple who, after reaching the lifeboat, realized there was only space left.  No way could both be saved.

At that moment, the man pushed the woman aside and jumped into the lifeboat to save himself.  The wife stood on the sinking cruise ship and shouted only one sentence to her husband.  The teacher asked the class, “What do you think she shouted?”

Answers such as “I hate you” and” Why are you doing this to me?” “Please don’t leave me,” etc.…  Throughout the angry sentences, a quiet boy was in the back of the room.  The teacher quieted the class to get the silent young man’s attention and answer her.  He replied, “Take care of our child.” 

The teacher looked surprised and said, “Have you heard this story before?” He replied, “No, that is what my momma said to my dad before she died from a disease.”

The teacher said he was right.  The man went home and raised their daughter.   It turned out that the cruise was the last vacation for the mother, who was dying of a terminal illness.  The father wrote in his diary,” How I wished I could have sank to the bottom with you, but for the sake of our daughter, I could only let you live and die alone in the sea.”

The moral of the story is that, despite the presence of good and evil in the world, many complications lie behind them, making them difficult to comprehend. Therefore, it is advisable to focus on the surface and judge others only after gaining a comprehensive understanding of their circumstances.

Individuals who pay for meals at restaurants do so not because they are wealthy but because they prioritize friendship over material possessions.

Those who offer assistance do so not because they owe you anything but because they perceive you as a genuine friend.

Individuals who engage in texting with you do so not because they lack alternative pursuits, but because you hold a significant place in their hearts.

This observation prompted me to reflect on the primary criticism I receive from most of my close friends and loved ones regarding my unwavering dedication to my professional endeavors. Those who demonstrate initiative in the workplace do so not because of a lack of intelligence, but instead because they understand the concept of accountability. I was raised with an exceptional sense of responsibility.

I often wonder whether my sense of responsibility acts as a catalyst for my success or hinders my progress. While responsibility is an essential aspect of life, the extent of my commitment can be detrimental to my personal growth. I have lost touch with my true self and the unique contributions I can make to this world.

The fear of the unknown has become a formidable obstacle, preventing me from moving forward and embracing new opportunities. I have a history of engaging in excessive exercise, becoming an overachiever, consuming excessive amounts of fiber, vitamins, and caffeine, and experiencing excessive anxiety. I am plagued by self-doubt, fearing potential neglect of my emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual well-being.

Despite my persistent search for harmony between my heart, intuition, body, and mind, I am grappling with a sense of hopelessness. However, I am determined to find peace and emotional stability.

Carry on my friends, carry on!