Where is the man I used to be?

The man I once was, when I was carefree, happy, and confident, has been absent for decades. Gradually, he has been eroding my inner self. I apologize for my grumpiness, my lack of enjoyment, my inability to see the positive side, and my infrequent sense of humor.

Occasionally, after working over 60 hours a week for years to make ends meet, to do my best, and to ensure the well-being of others, it becomes challenging to find humor and maintain rational thinking.

I am not making excuses. I do not intend to make excuses. However, along with my apology, I want you to know that the sleep-deprived, distracted, forgetful, impatient, and snappy man you now encounter is not the man I envisioned or aspired to be.

I yearn to be the man who smiles spontaneously or because there is something within me that prompts it. I yearn to be the man who does not work himself to exhaustion and discovers something he enjoys. I yearn to work without the constant fear of repercussions for a simple decision. I yearn to be the man you laughed with as if nothing else mattered but my amusing joke. I yearn to be the man who possesses the confidence to believe in himself and accept that everything will unfold as planned. I yearn to be the man with the energy, patience, and creativity to infuse life with joy. I yearn to be the man who was difficult to criticize, unlike now, when most people persistently point out my flaws!

Perhaps, one day, I will rediscover him.

However, at present, I am at a loss. I am lost in a job that pushes me to the brink and makes me feel inadequate. Lost in a life that consists solely of sleep, work, sleep, work… Recently, I discovered that I have only had nine days off this year. This includes weekends and holidays. (There have been four holidays and twenty-six weekends, totaling fifty-two days so far this year.) Therefore, out of the seventy-eight days, most individuals have had off, while I have had nine… I acknowledge that this is my responsibility, but I am uncertain of what else to do!

Please continue to be patient with me. I am uncertain if I deserve such patience, but I implore you to remain with me for a while. In time, I hope the man we all cherished will return.

Carry on, my friends, carry on!