What a waste

I woke up at 5:45 AM this morning feeling extremely tired. I spent about an hour procrastinating before finally leaving for work. The weather outside was freezing, with the windchill dropping well below zero. Upon arriving at work, I realized I was significantly behind schedule compared to three weeks ago, despite working most weekends. I’m not sure how this happened, but it’s time to make a change! I worked diligently throughout the day and decided to head home at around 5:15 PM. Unfortunately, I continued my unhealthy eating habits once I got home.

February 1st is approaching, and it presents an excellent opportunity to make a positive change and get serious about my health. It’s akin to a New Year’s resolution, and while it may not last forever, I feel compelled to take action. I’m considering different software options to help me achieve my goals. I’ve tried Fit Day and several others, but none of them seem to meet my specific needs.

Carry on!

Life repeats

I had a relatively good night’s sleep on Monday. I woke up at 6 AM and went to a dental appointment at 7:30 AM. The roads were very icy, so I managed to make it.

The dentist informed me that I should have a crown for a tooth that they’ve been treating for the past three years. However, my insurance won’t cover a crown for a tooth that’s been worked on in the past five years. So, I’m going to just keep nursing it along for the next 52 months and let them pay for it then. It’s a bit ridiculous, but so is $1,200 for a crown. I’m considering looking for another dentist.

My work situation is also quite frustrating. I hate going to work on weekdays and getting further behind each day. I just can’t seem to catch up, so I end up going in on Saturday and Sunday to make up for it. It’s not fair.

On Tuesday night, I had a really bad dinner. I should know better! Why do I eat so much and gain weight? I don’t understand it, but I often eat out of stress. I need to stop this and get back on track. Running a mile seems like such a daunting task!

Wednesday was not much better. It feels like life is repeating itself every day, except I’m gaining a few pounds each month. It’s ridiculous to think that if I didn’t gain weight, I wouldn’t be alive. But that’s the only thing that seems to change.

I head to bed at 8:15 PM, and as usual, I expect to fall asleep after about an hour or more. I need to get my life together, though. Enough is enough, isn’t it?

All you quiet dreamers, carry on!

Feel like Bill Murrey - Groundhog Day

Saturday morning, I woke up at 4:00 AM feeling exhausted. I went to work until 2:00 PM and then rushed home to attend a wedding. I detest attending weddings because there’s no middle ground. They’re either people who are deeply in love or together—not the bride and groom, but the attendees. This particular wedding was a classic case of people transitioning from one extreme to the other throughout the night. I witnessed this firsthand. 

Then, there’s the “life of the party,” but you can tell it’s all a facade. I’m sure he’s an introvert when he goes home—just my observation. As I get older, I’m improving at reading people. It was 11 PM before I got home and went to bed. It may not seem like a big deal to an average person, but getting less than 9 hours of sleep over the past two days is incredibly exhausting.

On Sunday, I woke up feeling refreshed after a good night’s rest. I was up at 7:30 AM and spent some time editing photos. Later in the day, my girlfriend and I attended an Ice Carving competition. It was quite an experience. It wasn’t the temperature that made it interesting, but rather witnessing the art in action. Unfortunately, the weather turned, and it started raining sleet and ice, making the roads treacherous. Fortunately, the drive home wasn’t as bad as it could have been!

I had to deal with some issues with my child on Sunday, which was part of being a dad! I needed to get some sleep, so I took a strong dose of Nyquil and went to bed.

I usually sleep well from about 10:30 PM to 6:00 AM. However, I had a Nyquil hangover. I dragged myself to work, and I was exhausted throughout the day! I left work at 5 PM and came home to try to relax, but my mind kept spinning. I haven’t worked out for three days, which is not good. I need to get back on track. I have no idea what’s going on in my mind! I’m older and lazier!

I’ll make sure to get lunch and an after-work workout tomorrow. I have to do that! I also really need to keep my diet in order. Logging and analyzing my food intake takes time, but it’s worth the effort. That’s easy to say, but I’ve struggled to put good thoughts and actions into practice.

All you quiet dreamers, carry on!

WOW

On Thursday morning, I woke up feeling incredibly tired after a terrible night’s sleep. I skipped my workout and worked through lunch. I’m not eager to exercise, but my energy levels are slightly lower.

On Thursday night, I heard on the radio about a couple who had been having sex daily for a year. They claimed to be healthier, happier, and their relationship stronger. It seemed strange, but I decided to try it. I went to bed at 12:30 AM, but it was freezing and uncomfortable in the basement.

On Friday, I woke up even more exhausted. I worked all day, but I still worked through lunch. This pattern is destructive. I hate leaving work further behind than when I started, but I enjoy having a job in this economy. I went to bed at 9:30 PM, but I still need to get some sleep.

BUT AS I CLOSE TONIGHT, WE ALL NEED TO REMEMBER THAT OTHER PEOPLE MATTER.

We must take care of others to enhance our own lives. Even during challenging times, someone always has orders. We are fortunate, and we must remember that. This reminds me of a story I once heard. It’s an old tale from the 1930s when ice cream sundaes were much cheaper. A 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress placed a glass of water in front of him.

“How much is an ice cream sundae?” the little boy asked.

“Fifty cents,” replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins he had. “Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?” he inquired.

More people were waiting for a table, and the waitress grew impatient. “Thirty-five cents,” she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins. “I’ll have the plain ice cream,” he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table, and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier, and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry.

As she wiped down the table, two nickels and five pennies were placed neatly beside the empty dish.

You see, he couldn’t have the sundae because he had to have enough money to leave her a tip.

This was a great example of not being selfish!

Carry on!

It is to early

I woke up at 5:45 AM feeling good and went to work. I road biked for 35 minutes and showered before starting work at 8:00 AM. For lunch, I used the elliptical machine for 25 minutes and then went back to work. My diet was good, with a protein smoothie in the morning and grapefruit and cottage cheese for lunch. After work, I had dinner, journaled, and went to sleep. It’s now 10:00 PM, and I’m wide awake, but I’ll try to go to sleep. There weren’t many exciting activities today.

Carry on!

Slacker

I woke up at 5:00 AM, exhausted and reluctant to get out of bed. Despite trying to sleep, I finally decided to rise at 6:45 AM. I went to the office and worked the entire day, skipping lunch. I need to stop skipping lunch. Earlier, I exercised for 30 minutes and lifted weights at lunch. After work, a co-worker needed encouragement to work out, so I went to the gym and did 30 minutes on the elliptical, covering 4.1 miles. It was a challenging workout.

After the workout, I returned to the office for about 45 minutes, but I couldn’t catch up from the day’s stress. My stress level has been high, and I’m almost at my peak weight. At 15, I weighed 298 pounds; in 2005, I weighed 299 pounds; and at my last check-up, I weighed 293 pounds. That’s 84 pounds heavier than my lowest weight in 2006 and 127 pounds heavier than when I was 24.

My adult child, Pat, in their 20s and in graduate school, has been more complicated than expected. Despite being in their 20s, Pat often ignores calls and texts. Pat juggles a sports team, an internship, and graduate school, which are stressful. Pat’s health is okay, but could be better. Pat is also worried about relationships. Recently, Pat broke up with a long-term partner and met someone new, but after five months, the other person broke up with Pat.

Children continue to be a source of pride and joy for parents even after they have moved out. However, the satisfaction parents derive from their grown children’s success can be reciprocal. When adult children face challenges such as divorce, financial difficulties, substance abuse, or other life problems, it can significantly impact their parents’ mental well-being and overall satisfaction. Furthermore, the added concern about financial stability can exacerbate existing issues, such as caring for an ill or disabled child, leading to a more pronounced impact on the parents’ lives.

Raising my child alone was incredibly challenging. After our divorce, his mother moved a thousand miles away. Despite my best efforts to ensure his success, I sometimes feel like I failed. This stress is as overwhelming as anything else. However, it’s impossible to change what might have been said, done, or how things were handled. All we can do is live with that reality.

THAT’S LIFE!!!

Carry on!

Awake at 7:30

I woke up feeling great at 7:30 AM, but after an hour, I felt average. My breakfast was not satisfying, consisting of cauliflower and peppers. I know better than to eat that! I went to work at 9 AM and came home at 1:30 PM. I spent some time editing photos, made dinner, and went to bed at around 8 PM. It was difficult for me to fall asleep.

I asked myself, “Am I depressed and unhappy”?

Depression is not merely a state of sadness; it is a disease that impairs the ability to experience emotions, both positive and negative. Depression affects not only the mind but also the body and thoughts. It is estimated that depression affects approximately twenty percent of all Americans, some of whom may not even be aware of it at some point in their lives. Every human being is susceptible to depression. Interestingly, men are five times more likely to commit suicide when depressed compared to women. This disparity may be attributed to societal roles and the lack of permission for men to express their emotions openly. This resonates with me!

Sigmund Freud proposed that a person’s suppressed anger over a loss weakens the “ego,” leading to self-hatred and self-harming behavior. Aaron Beck, on the other hand, offered a different perspective. He believed that depressed individuals tend to view everything negatively and blame themselves for all their misfortunes. This negative thinking distorts situations, making them appear more severe than they actually are, thereby increasing the likelihood of depression. Martin Seligman, an American psychologist, introduced the concept of “learned helplessness,” suggesting that depression arises from the belief that one cannot control the outcomes of events. While these theories may hold true in certain cases, it’s important to recognize that depression is a complex condition influenced by various factors.

As mentioned, depression manifests through various symptoms. While sadness and a loss of satisfaction in once-enjoyable activities are perhaps the most recognized, some symptoms are often overlooked. Guilt, for instance, is a significant symptom that closely correlates with depression. When guilt is imposed upon an individual, it erodes their hope. They blame themselves for actions they are not responsible for, leading to feelings of hopelessness. Other overlooked symptoms include insomnia and loss of appetite. Insufficient sleep can be linked to stress and guilt, which are also major contributors to depression.

Depression is not a matter I take lightly. I don’t dismiss it regularly, but I don’t let it consume me and seek help. Tragically, hundreds of people commit suicide each day due to depression. I occasionally experience these thoughts, but I have the control to overcome them. The most positive aspect for me is exercise; I’m increasing my physical activity this year. If I could lose 60 pounds, everything would improve. So, it’s time to embrace positivity!

Carry on!

Average

I didn’t get a good night’s sleep. I left the bedroom door open, and the humidity never exceeded 38%. While low humidity isn’t necessarily harmful, my doctor recommended a humidity level of over 40%. I still experience significant breathing difficulties, and chest pains occasionally occur. My doctor mentioned that my heart is delicate, but I sometimes wonder if that’s true.

Before coming home for the day, I went to the club and attended a bike spinning class. I had my usual Sunday breakfast of pancakes and bacon. I spent a considerable amount of time setting up the diary software, and I’m pleased to share my private thoughts on a public blog.

Carry on!