Old age and wisdom

In various cultures, the owl is revered as a symbol of wisdom. This association stems from its connection to Athena, the Greek goddess of knowledge, and its appearances in Aesop’s fables. More recently, the owl has made its mark in A.A. Milne’s beloved “Winnie the Pooh.” While it may seem like an odd choice to seek wisdom from an owl, especially when trying to determine the number of licks required to reach the center of a Tootsie Pop, it’s worth considering the owl’s longstanding reputation as a wise creature. However, be prepared to lose your Tootsie Pop in the pursuit of knowledge.

But who can we turn to for wisdom in the human world? In high school, I was told that beer makes you smart! They claim it’s proven because they made Bud wiser. In a study by Robert Sternberg of Yale, participants were asked to nominate individuals they considered wise. The average age of the nominees was around 55 or 60 years old. If you ask people, they’ll name old-timers like Gandhi, Socrates, the Pope, and so on. Clearly, the public believes that with age comes wisdom. Well, I’m 51, so I must be nearing the age where I’m wise. Yeah, right!

Is age a prerequisite for wisdom? As I age, I’m starting to doubt that. We all know a few elderly people who lack wisdom. While it’s true that people can experience their peak brainpower in old age, the brain does shrink slightly with age, resulting in an average decline in cognitive function. This decline can result in dementia or Alzheimer’s.  

Lately, I’ve been engrossed in a yearlong supervisor training course, which requires me to read numerous books for work. One book that stands out is “Smart to Wise” by Prasad Kaipa and Navi Radio. In it, they draw a fascinating analogy between smartness and a wild horse. They explain that while riding a wild horse can be exhilarating, it can also be dangerous and lead to being thrown off. To harness the power of intelligence for the long term, they emphasize the importance of wisdom. Wisdom, they argue, provides ethical clarity and a sense of purpose. I find this concept intriguing and would love to explore its meaning in more depth.

As I grow older, I find myself increasingly perplexed and less knowledgeable. The more I read, the less informed I feel. Therefore, the concepts of age and wisdom become meaningless. As I age, I become progressively less intelligent. It was like riding my bike to work yesterday when even cars had issues. While it wasn’t wise, I enjoyed the ride and avoided the problem mentioned in the YouTube video https://youtu.be/p72ltDXfz_k?si=Keg5O1suxCv_7l6R.

This entire discussion began because I rode my bike to work and was so delighted. However, was it wise? I know it’s 18 miles one way, but it provides me with time to ride and think—time to reduce stress and appreciate how fortunate I am to be able to ride when all those people pass me in their cars, seemingly stressed out and unable to make any progress.

So, does age bring wisdom? I say no. Experience brings wisdom; based on that, I am on a solid path to gaining wisdom daily. However, I am still uncertain whether I will ever be considered wise.

All you quiet dreamers, carry on!

I met a girl

It was on this day, ten years ago, that I met a girl. I had been divorced for several years and was eager to date again. Long-term dating breakups or divorces are never easy, as we once believed that the person we were with was perfect. However, I failed to make that assumption. Looking back, I often blame myself for the issues, not the other person. This helps me keep the best of those memories alive. The bad memories are forgotten because once I have formed a new habit of letting go of any perceived issues, why dwell on them?

I’ve always believed that the “one-year rule” is crucial after a breakup or divorce. This rule suggests that you should limit dating, if you do date at all, for a year from any significant breakup. While it wasn’t always a strict one-year rule, it was either a year or the duration of your relationship, whichever was shorter. This period allows you ample time to “get over” the past relationship. For instance, I was married for a decade, so the rule applied for a year. However, it took me 2.5 years before I felt ready to move on.

I had limited knowledge about the girl I was about to meet. Despite being older than me, we shared numerous common interests and also had some differences. It was a blind date lunch. 

We had planned to meet at Panera Bread at 11:30 AM. I arrived at 11:25 AM, as punctuality is essential to me. I waited patiently, but it was 11:35 AM and still no one. I started feeling disappointed, thinking I might be stood up. However, at 11:38 AM, I noticed a girl driving up in a Nissan Pathfinder. While I’m not a fan of large, gas-guzzling vehicles, I decided to put my disappointment aside.

We introduced ourselves, and her natural beauty left a lasting impression on me. She sincerely apologized for being late, although I’ve noticed that over the past decade, she’s been about 8-10 minutes late on 99% of occasions. It’s simply her way of being. 

Then we went inside to order. As she proceeded, it was a painfully slow process. I even had the audacity to say, “Okay, Sally,” as she was ordering, just like Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally. She laughed!

We had an instant and enjoyable conversation. It was effortless. I was genuinely impressed with the girl. However, she then revealed that she was still married but separated. So, here I am, a man who values promptness, prefers quick decision-making, and believes the one-year rule is crucial for her to be prepared for another relationship. Despite these differences, I found myself continuing the conversation. Perhaps it was because I liked her! Could our contrasting personalities make it an intriguing challenge?

Every year on March 23rd at 11:30 AM, I’ve made it a habit to visit that Panera store. Last year, I was so overwhelmed with work that I completely forgot it was March. When the day finally arrived and I realized my oversight, my heart sank. Fortunately, she didn’t show up either. (To be fair, she had asked if I would be there, and I had informed her that I had forgotten and had a scheduled meeting.) However, she doesn’t know that I had left the meeting early and had gone to Panera at 11:34 AM. I was alone. She didn’t show up. Even though I never mentioned it to her, I still went.

That was hurtful, but the day we met held a more profound significance for me than it did for her. Even without her presence, at precisely 11:34, standing on that sidewalk, I am filled with joy and happiness whenever I recall that memory. Of course, there were other instances when she was absent, but that is a story for another time.

Since that day, my life has improved in numerous ways, but one of the most significant is the rekindling of my passion for storytelling. When we first began communicating, during that intense week of emails leading up to our in-person meeting, I shared many stories, and I still vividly recall some of them. I must admit, I’ve strayed from the main topic.

She shares my quirky personality! In fact, she’s almost a female counterpart to me in more ways than we are opposites. I understand that may sound unfortunate, but we found a way to connect—apologies for the digression. I’m back on track today.

Today marks the day I’ll visit Panera Bread at 11:25 AM. I’m uncertain if I’ll be eating alone or if she’ll show up. I know she’s been on and off for the past decade. Despite the challenges we’ve faced, she’s made a positive impact on my life. Although I believe we’ve only had a few heated arguments over the years, I can’t recall any significant disagreements. I genuinely think she’s one of a kind, as I’ve never found a perfect match in my life. I genuinely hope she arrives at the restaurant and feels the same way. To this day, I still say, “I met a girl…”

I hope you all find someone who is a good match. It’s a wonderful feeling, and one that every human being should experience.

All you quiet dreamers, carry on!

Comments from my original blog - I merged the blogs.

SteveQ

Lovely story, Londell.  Monday, March 24, 2014 at 10:06:25 AM CDT

When your best may not be good enough?

Over the past few weeks, I have had the incredible opportunity to spend quality time with my son. While I am incredibly proud and wish I could be half the man he has become, I can’t help but wonder if I did a good job as a father. He often exhibits some of my less-than-desirable traits, which makes me question my success as a parent. However, he is a wonderful person, so did I forget? I always believed that I did my best, but was that enough? Will I ever be satisfied with myself, even when I find immense joy in watching him grow?

However, as the renowned Winston Churchill wisely remarked, “It’s not enough to do our best; sometimes, we must do what is necessary.” Have I given my all but failed miserably in fulfilling the required tasks? But what exactly constitutes the necessary actions? Does anyone truly possess the knowledge to provide an accurate answer?

In February, I watched the Super Bowl. The Denver Broncos appeared hesitant to participate in the game and, in my opinion, didn’t give their best effort. Although the Broncos were obligated to be in New York, I don’t believe they performed their best. But what does this signify? Over the past few years, I’ve faced numerous doubts. I’ve spent more time dwelling on my failures than on my successes. 

Many times, I’ve achieved success that was the result of another failure. To illustrate this, I often recall the great runner Paula Radcliffe. 

In 2005, Radcliffe participated in the London Marathon with the ambitious goal of becoming the world’s fastest woman in marathon history. Despite her strong start, she encountered a significant challenge near the end of the race—literally.

As Paula Radcliffe neared the end of that crucial race—a race that, if she won, would secure her the title of the world’s fastest female marathon runner—she came to a disheartening realization: she urgently needed to use the restroom. Unfortunately, visiting a nearby bathroom would jeopardize her chance of breaking the record-breaking time she had set her sights on. Despite the urgency of her need, Paula knew she had to push through and finish the race.

As Paula Radcliffe neared the end of her race, facing the prospect of failure, she made a surprising decision. Instead of going to a nearby bathroom, she paused briefly and released the pressure. This act of vulnerability was witnessed by hundreds of people, with cameras capturing her moment and broadcasting the race to spectators worldwide.

After completing the marathon, Paula stood up, crossed the finish line, and accomplished her initial goal of becoming the world’s fastest female marathon runner.

And the rest is history.

I hadn’t given much thought to “Paula’s Poop,” but I was contemplating doing my best. Is that enough? Like being a father, you never know if it’s the right choice. She might be the fastest person in history, but she’ll also be known for pooping all over herself. Did she make the right decision?

When I write, I frequently encounter human limitations. These limitations can manifest in various forms, such as physical constraints, like Paula’s, or emotional, spiritual, or even intellectual limitations. When I hit a roadblock, I often seek to understand the underlying reasons for the challenges I face or the obstacles that prevent me from achieving my desired outcome.

Perhaps I believe the reason behind my current lack of productivity is that I haven’t exerted enough effort. Alternatively, I might be experiencing a form of punishment for past actions. There could be an inherent flaw within me that I’m grappling with. However, I may find solace if I cease my search for what I did right or wrong and instead focus on the challenges that arise before me.

Instead, I would continue working at my job, dedicating more hours and striving to motivate my team. I would diligently follow my supervisors’ instructions and strive to excel in my role. Yet, I find myself doubting whether my efforts are truly sufficient. This is the only place where I feel confident that my best is more than enough. I don’t experience this sense of accomplishment anywhere else in my life. I’m overwhelmed, frustrated, and unhappy. Life isn’t always pleasant, and I feel trapped in a cycle of stress and dissatisfaction. I’ve reached a crisis point in my life.

The answer might be to realize that there’s no definitive answer. Doing my best means doing nothing at all. I’m uncertain, and I’m not sure I’ll ever know for sure. However, one thing is certain: I often feel the urge to go for a walk and relieve myself. It worked for Radcliffe, but I’m not sure it would be effective for me, except for the possibility of getting arrested.

All you quiet dreamers, carry on!