Holy shit

I was severely ill, missing work on Tuesday, and still not improving. On Saturday, we attended an ice sculpting event, parade, and rodeo in freezing weather, which exacerbated my condition. This four-day ordeal has been unbearable. I’ve been writing in this journal for 11 days, experiencing the worst cold I’ve ever had. Despite taking time off work, my co-workers have never recalled me being sick. I attribute this to being overweight, as I’ve never been this fat in my adult life. Research shows I have a slow metabolism. No matter what I read or what diet, I’m still struggling.

Looking back, I have gained 30 pounds since 2006. The common factor is hard work, not diet. For example, when I worked as a furniture builder, I’d bike, walk, run, or do anything to get my heart rate up for three hours a day. I lost a lot of weight then, but these were stress-free times, thanks to a good knee. I’m tempted to try again, but I’ll be cautious.

221 pounds - 2006

275 pounds 2011 (295 in 2013)

However, she was in the bathroom. When she came out, she kissed my forehead, walked the dog, showered, and went to work. She didn’t see anything wrong with this on Valentine’s Day because it was her routine. She has those routines. If things get tough, she would swear the apocalypse was upon us and life is over. She’s really hard to love for that exact reason. She’s into her routines and goes through life with tiny surprises, changes, or excitement.

On the other hand, I rarely do anything consistently and struggle with meeting expectations. I’m always prepared for life changes because I have no expectations. This could be why we’ve dated for years without any issues. She has her routine, and I have no expectations… except for Valentine’s morning.

Why do I persist in staying in this relationship? Because she’s my best friend. We’re incredibly close friends. We spend time together, talking, walking, and biking, and we share many similar traits. Surprisingly, I was once in a relationship with someone who had no special connection with me, and she agreed. However, as lovers, we’re both amazed by each other. My current relationship is fulfilling in terms of my sexual performance, but she’s more of a taker than a giver. In the past nine years, I’ve had two instances where I felt like she wasn’t the “make me feel great, thank you” kind of lover, or that it wasn’t just a quick fix.

Life is funny that way; we seem to experience extreme happiness on one side and nothing on the other. Where is the balance?

Perhaps it’s me. I often find myself living that way—either working out hours a day or not at all, running marathons or not, riding 20 miles or not at all. It’s strange, considering I’m 50 years old. We should have some things figured out, but I wonder if it’s simply too complex ever fully to comprehend. Why do we persist in trying? There are numerous theories and beliefs, and people strongly oppose or are indifferent to them. Religious wars are built on these two extremes, with people fighting about whose belief is correct. In America, we now have a similar conflict between gun owners and those who advocate for common sense. I mean, who needs an AK-47 to hunt? How could the founders have anticipated the technological advancements that would occur when they declared the right to bear arms? I couldn't care less, but I have friends on the other side, and I have to tread carefully because I’m in the middle. They’re trying to get me on their side, but I see that both sides are broken. I want to engage in self-reflection, focus, and even consider all perspectives. But then again, as I’ve gotten older, I thought I would have figured it out, and it’s become even more complex.

Either way, the time I’ve been sick has taken a toll on house cleaning and my workload. This week, I worked a 60-hour week, which feels more like the norm.

On the positive side, I’m feeling better. Yesterday, I cleaned the bedroom and den and spent 7 hours at work. I’m gradually getting back to normal, but I’m not sure what that means yet.

Carry on!

Blogs are?

Many blogs, including mine, have become less frequent, despite their commendable intentions to provide creative writing and insights. As I read blogs, I often ponder whether others share my perspective. With the instant gratification of Facebook, we receive snippets of life and have fewer reasons (or time) to engage in writing about our training, races, or general life experiences. We never obtain the complete picture, only fragments.

My friend Steve has consistently struggled with training, yet he has always had something to share. I admire that ability. Occasionally, the diverse insights he offers are unfamiliar to me, but I still appreciate his thoughts (most of the time).

I miss my regular blog posting! Even if they are not read, they have a calming effect on my mind. Expressing thoughts in words is a skill that allows me to process life’s complexities. Sometimes, I view my blog as the bartender of a post-blog era. I used to be in a position where people would enter the bar, purchase a strong drink, sit at it, and share their innermost thoughts. I would feign listening and occasionally utter phrases like “I understand” or “You are certain,” merely to make them believe I was attentive. This would culminate in a generous tip. Did I genuinely care? Not really, but they vented, shared, and sorted through the challenges they may encounter daily.

Oh, there was this one time at the YMCA in Fargo when I met a stranger who asked if I used to work at the Doublewood Inn. I told him I still did, and he was so grateful! I was totally surprised because I’d never met him before. He said he got fired from his job and wasn’t looking forward to going home, so he stopped by and got a little too carried away.

I apologized for not knowing him. He told me I listened to him for hours before telling him he had two choices: keep drinking and have no life, or wake up and realize his life is what he makes of it. (I don’t remember saying that to anyone, but he was sure it was me, and I did work there.)

That was one of those really rewarding times in my life. I think about how things have changed. No longer are bartenders free psychologists. There aren’t many places left where we can express ourselves semi-anonymously anymore. So, we blog, or at least I do.

Hey, did you know that the word “blog” is actually a mash-up of “web” and “log”? It’s like a four-letter powerhouse that’s all about sharing your thoughts and writing online! And get this: “We blog” has become simply “blog” on the Internet, in its terrific, straightforward way.

This excellent way to share your thoughts instantly and globally, thanks to technology that has been around for about a decade, means you can’t go back and edit things later (except for fixing minor typos or glitches). Plus, you don’t have to spend hours thinking about what to write. It’s just your spontaneous thoughts flowing out there! It’s not as permanent as regular news, but it’s still visible to everyone. You’re always accountable to your readers and other bloggers, and everything is linked together through hypertext. Unlike print journalism, it’s incredibly open, and its truth is constantly evolving. It’s still taking some getting used to how this affects writing.

Hey, anyone who’s been blogging for a while knows what I’m talking about! We bloggers don’t get a lot of time to sit back and gather our thoughts, waiting for things to settle down and make sense. We blog now, as news breaks and facts come to light.

We’re writing about ourselves at a pretty steady point in all this constant chatting with the world around us. So, in a way, the diary is the closest thing to a blog in history. But here’s the thing: a diary is usually a private thing. It’s all about being real, sticking to what’s happening right now, and remembering how things were. It’s like a personal log. Now, some diaries are meant for others to read, just like letters, but they are usually written after someone has passed away or compiled to create a more thoughtful autobiography. But a blog is different because it’s instantly public. It turns this most personal and reflective form into something super public and immediate. It combines the confessional style with the log format, putting the author in the spotlight like never before!

Okay, time to head to bed! I caught Bye Bye Birdie at the Chanhassen Dinner Theater tonight, and wow, it was a fantastic show at such a lovely venue. I hope everyone’s ready for that blizzard forecast we’re hearing about in the next few days. It feels like ages since we’ve had a real classic blizzard!

All you quiet dreamers, carry on!

Comments from my original blog - I merged the blogs.

SteveQ

The "most of the time" made me laugh.   Saturday, February 9, 2013 at 11:29:17 AM CST

Mike W.

Good post, totally agree about your Steve comment, I hope he keeps posting and you pick it up a bit more.  Sunday, February 10, 2013 at 8:18:57 PM CST