Christmas and fear

As John Lennon would sing:

So this is Christmas

And what have you done

Another year over

And a new one has just begun

And so this is Christmas

I hope you have fun

The near and the dear ones

The old and the young

A very merry Christmas

And a happy New Year

Let’s hope it’s a good one

Without any fear

In the household where I partake in the Christmas spirit, the atmosphere is generally positive, with most individuals experiencing happiness and some experiencing temporary contentment. I refer to “contentment” as a state of peaceful happiness. While we are all aware that the demanding and competitive nature of our society will inevitably resurface, it is essential to remember that we are all still alive and well.

During the Christmas season, I experienced a profound emotional moment. I learned of the untimely passing of Garret Zwickey, a 28-year-old individual, a few weeks ago. It is disheartening to witness the pain that families endure in such circumstances, and it is a reality that affects more than one family each year. For the past six years, I have personally known of an individual under the age of 30 whose parents will soon bid farewell to their loved ones.

As I have aged, the words of John Lennon, uttered with unwavering courage, have become increasingly difficult for me to accept. My fear has intensified each year, leading me to engage in a profound debate about the nature of fear. To address this topic, we must transcend the confines of our immediate concerns and consider the broader context of planetary evolution. We must perceive ourselves as formidable beings with the potential to reach our fullest potential, rather than as fragile individuals struggling to cope with unfavorable situations.

The primary aspect of fear is its inherent biological nature. The experience of fear originates from the amygdala, a prominent structure located in the ancient reptilian region of the brain. However, I do not intend to delve into the intricacies of our biological structure, as this domain is best left to the esteemed scientists and anthropologists of our time. Instead, I pose the question: “Is fear an essential component of our existence?”

Fear is an integral part of our lives. Whenever we venture beyond our comfort zones or make significant changes to our habits and beliefs, fear manifests itself as a formidable force, urging us to remain steadfast in our current state. And like a well-trained dog, we swiftly learn to heed this warning. We become apprehensive about our creative capacity for evolution and transformation, and we come to perceive such endeavors as perilous. Fear serves as a constant reminder of our vulnerability to our superior and more enlightened selves.

Reflect on the numerous instances when you have harbored a fervent desire to make a meaningful impact on your life and fulfill your life’s purpose. Has fear catalyzed your endeavors? Has fear encouraged you to pursue your aspirations, asserting that you possess the creativity, empowerment, and intelligence necessary to achieve your goals? When was the last time you encountered such a supportive response to fear? Naturally, the answer is “Never.”

Fear likely expressed a similar sentiment to you: “You are incapable of doing that! What will others think? Furthermore, you are too incompetent. Recall all the previous instances of your failure? You do not wish to reveal your perceived inadequacy, do you?” In essence, fear suggests that the consequences will be severe. To ensure that these negative messages are effectively conveyed, this self-doubt is accompanied by distressing physical sensations of anxiety and worry, which are closely related to fear.

Fear primarily functions as an inhibitor. It is not a supportive entity. It prevents you from experiencing highly negative experiences, whether they are physical, mental, or emotional. Fear serves as a counterbalance to consciousness and evolution. When was the last time you made a sound decision based on fear? When was the last time you experienced clarity when acting from a foundation of fear? And at the most fundamental level, when was the last time you felt beautiful while experiencing fear? Have you observed that love is absent when feeling fear?

Therefore, let us abandon the notion that fear is an indispensable companion. Let us acknowledge it for what it truly is: an antiquated, obsolete, primitive aspect of our biology and consciousness. It compels us to engage in conflict akin to animals. It impairs our ability to maintain control and leads to irrational behavior. It diminishes our intelligence and effectiveness. Ultimately, it suppresses consciousness, love, and intelligence altogether. Fear is fundamentally incompatible with our higher selves.

Nevertheless, I experience fear in the face of the loss of a loved one, additional tragic events on Earth, and numerous other concerns. I recognize the necessity of learning to manage these fears, but how can I do so when I am continually reminded of dear friends passing away prematurely? Rest in peace, Garret and Cammi, Gary, Brent, and Shannon remain steadfast in their support for one another and cherish the memories they share. May I find the strength to release some of my fears, as they have a profound influence on our lives.

Carry on my friends, carry on!

I do not make my bed...

I’m at a low point, sensing my old friend Steve Quick feels the same. He suspended his blog. I see problems everywhere, and it seems hopeless. People are losing hope, and it seems that hope is being destroyed. Recently, a woman texted a man, “I won’t leave you,” then broke up with him and stopped contacting me. How can we trust people, especially when we think we know them and they betray us?

We’re not allowed to be ourselves in this world. Everyone preaches, but we can’t be ourselves. I’ve been reminded not to have an ugly sweater contest and chastised for saying Merry Christmas instead of “Happy Holidays.” Loved ones ask for my opinion and spend hours telling me how wrong I am. They ask for advice but don’t follow it, then ask the same question again. I give the same advice, and they do something different. I can respect their refusal to take my advice, but why ask me again? Frustration is at its peak.

Everyone complains about how I live. I chew too loudly, I’m deaf or stupid, my clothes are uncomfortable, I drive too slow or fast, I go to bed too early, I don’t clean up after myself, I walk too slow, I’m unhealthy, I need to get a life, I’m blind, and more. I think I can’t go a day without getting a verbal slap in the face.

Recently, I heard the 2014 University of Texas commencement speech from alumnus William H. McRaven, the commander of the U.S. Special Operations Command who organized the raid that killed Osama bin Laden. He provided 10 lessons in life; I will only add a few, as they were the most applicable, as I envision a marine who has been emotionally brought down to the lowest depths. 

Here are a few of the lessons:

Lesson – Make your bed

Every morning during basic SEAL training, my instructors, all Vietnam veterans, would inspect my neatly made bed. If done correctly, the corners were square, the covers were pulled tight, the pillow was centered, and the extra blanket was folded neatly at the foot. It was a simple task, but we had to make our beds perfectly every morning. It seemed ridiculous at the time, as we aspired to be real warriors, but the wisdom of this act has proven true.

Making your bed every morning accomplishes the day’s first task, giving you a sense of pride and encouraging you to do more. By the end of the day, it can lead to many tasks being completed. It also reinforces the importance of small things in life. Doing the little things right leads to doing the big things right. If you have a miserable day, a made bed encourages you that tomorrow will be better.

To change the world, start by making your bed.

  

Lesson – Have a BIG Heart

After weeks of tough training, my SEAL class dwindled from 150 to 35. We had six boat crews, each consisting of seven men. I was in the boat with the tall guys, but our best crew, the “munchkin crew,” consisted of six people who were under 5-foot-5. They included an American Indian, an African American, a Polish American, a Greek American, an Italian American, and two tough kids from the Midwest. The munchkin crew out-paddled, out-ran, and out-swam everyone else.

The big men in the other crews would joke about the munchkins’ tiny flippers before swimming. But somehow, these diverse individuals always had the last laugh—swimming faster and reaching the shore first.

SEAL training was a great equalizer. Success depended solely on will, not race, ethnicity, education, or social status. To change the world, measure a person by their heart, not their size.

Lesson – Keep Moving Forward

Instructors would frequently inspect the class’s uniforms. They ensured that hats were starched, uniforms were pressed, and belt buckles were polished to a shine. Despite efforts, instructors found flaws. To fail, students ran into the surf, got wet, and rolled in the sand until they were completely covered in it.

This “sugar cookie” experience left students cold, wet, and sandy for the rest of the day. Many couldn’t accept that their efforts were in vain and unappreciated. Those who didn’t understand the drill didn’t make it through training. They needed help understanding the purpose. You’d fail, and you’d never have a perfect uniform.

Sometimes, you still end up as a sugar cookie, no matter how well you prepare. It’s just life. To change the world, get over being a sugar cookie and keep moving forward.

  

Lesson  – Do not ring the bell

In SEAL training, a brass bell hangs in the compound’s center for all students to see. To quit, ring the bell and no longer wake up at 5, endure freezing swims, or do runs, obstacle courses, or PT. Ring the bell and end the hardships of training.

If you want to change the world, never ring the bell.

Start each day with a task completed.

Find someone to help you through life.

Respect everyone.

Life isn’t fair, and you’ll fail often. But take risks, step up when tough times come, face bullies, uplift the downtrodden, and never give up. The next generation will live in a better world. What started here will change the world for the better.

It was a great speech, full of many truths. I still don’t ring the bell, but I’ve poured my energy into it for the past three months. I made my bed yesterday. It may not have made a difference, but I’ll try again.

Carry on my friends, carry on!

Irave and Irant but not about irac

Christmas, a compound word meaning Christ’s Mass, has been known by various names throughout history, including “midwinter,” “Nativity,” “Yule tide,” and “Day of Birth.” Recently, a workplace incident involving a “Ugly Sweater” contest led to a formal complaint of inappropriate behavior. As a result, the sweaters are now only referred to as “Holiday” sweaters. This incident highlights the absurdity of some people’s reactions to seemingly trivial matters.

Life has been a struggle for the past few months. I’m nearing 300 pounds and need to control my weight. Stress is high, and happiness is low. I’m having issues with people and carrying those issues on my shoulders. When you think you did well and everyone criticizes you, it makes it hard. Life isn’t fun right now!

I have a loved one who is struggling, and another adult is being rude and mean without reason. How can one person hurt another? Some things are beyond our understanding. I’ve also observed unnecessary killings, including terrorist attacks on innocents. I wonder if these acts contribute to a sense of apathy. For instance, the police killing of a young man in Chicago, portrayed as unjustified by the press, has made me question whether such acts desensitize people to violence.

It is concerning to note that if the individual in question had simply repeated the actions of others, including the police, the police would not have taken action. This raises questions about the extent to which social media and the press influence public perception and contribute to a culture of violence.

In a previous post earlier this year, I reported that I have more acquaintances who committed suicide in one year than I had known throughout my entire life. The reasons behind this phenomenon remain unclear, and it is unlikely that anyone will ever fully comprehend the complexities involved.

On a rainy afternoon yesterday, I pondered the reasons behind my current state of mind. I had never experienced such a profound sense of unhappiness before. I was known for my unwavering optimism, which often left others feeling overwhelmed by my unrealistic ambitions and perpetual cheerfulness. In particular, I was troubled by the feeling that life had passed me by, a sentiment that instilled a profound sense of fear within me.

When individuals are unhappy, they tend to engage in excessive contemplation about life. When their job is unfulfilling, they become disengaged and unhappy, often resorting to aimless browsing and generally lacking enjoyment in their surroundings.

When individuals are passionate about their work, studies, or hobbies, they become fully present, immersed in the experience. They are present but not preoccupied with thoughts, leading to happiness. They don’t seek escape; time is perceived as valuable and meaningful.

What can one do? First, slow down, avoid social media, and immerse oneself in the real world. I’ll try this and hope it leads to a happier 2016. 

Carry on my friends, carry on!

Here we go again!

If you have read this blog, you may have encountered my customary late November post detailing my Christmas wish list. I typically enumerate several items, and each year, I would receive one or two of them. However, one week before Christmas, I would revise the post and eliminate the items. Some individuals perceive this as unkind, while others are unaware of their presence. Conversely, some believe that I should disclose my desires. Nevertheless, why does Christmas predominantly revolve around the concept of gifts?

It is more convenient to envision celebrating Christmas in the contemporary world when considering the act of giving gifts. However, have you ever contemplated the underlying reason for the tradition of gift-giving during Christmas? In certain aspects, this tradition is deeply rooted in history, while in others, it represents a relatively recent development.

In Christianity, giving gifts at Christmas is linked to the gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh given to the Christ child by the three wise Magi. Originally celebrated on January 6th, the Feast of Epiphany, giving gifts became more associated with Christmas. The period from December 25th to January 6th is now known as the “twelve days of Christmas.”

The ancient Church observed Christmas as a holy day rather than celebrating it. Gift-giving to loved ones has become popular in the modern era, with various countries and people incorporating it into their holidays. By the time the Americas were settled, exchanging gifts at Christmas was a common practice. The early Dutch settlers introduced St. Nicholas, also known as Santa Claus, to the New World, whereas the early French and English colonists were more likely to give gifts at New Year’s or Epiphany.

A common Christmas tradition emerged, where gifts were exchanged on Christmas. In the 19th century, O. Henry, Charles Dickens, and Thomas Nast helped shape our modern concepts of Santa Claus and other holiday traditions.

Today, we give gifts for various reasons. Some celebrate the Christian holy day, while others express care for family and friends. Sometimes, giving gifts becomes mechanical and a chore. In such cases, it’s worth reflecting on the true meaning of Christmas.

Recently, I’ve seen the real meaning of Christmas in my girlfriend’s daughter’s actions. She works hard to create meaningful gifts. I hope the recipients understand their specialness. It’s not just about putting down and wrapping them. I’m not sure she’ll ever know how my heart expanded when I saw her create the gift, not just purchase and wrap it. If I’m present when they open the gifts, I’ll be happy, as I believe she’s captured the true meaning of Christmas!

The purpose of disclosing one’s Christmas wishes is not solely centered around material gifts, but rather on fostering love and camaraderie. When a gift is genuinely heartfelt, it encapsulates the essence of Christmas.

I find myself increasingly concerned about this tradition. Last year, I refrained from adding any items to the “list” as I desired Christmas to be a celebration of emotional connections rather than material possessions. This year, I have already acquired three items that I desired (the cost was worth it to obtain them). I intend to add a few more items to the list, but I would rather prioritize engaging in human activities.

• In February, a friend who was abused called me scared. When I picked her up with blood on her face, I took her to a battered women’s shelter. I didn’t know what else to do. I saw her a few weeks ago; she’s still emotionally down but doing better. If you want to purchase a gift for me, donate to http://www.bwlap.org/donations. 
• People should smile as they help an elderly neighbor shovel the driveway.
• I would like a Banjo Brothers Large Frame Pack
• There is a new photo-editing device that seems really cool. I am hesitant because it is high-priced, but it looks cool.
• It would be cool to have a bike taillight that can be mounted on the frame rather than the seat post, like the Cyrgolite Hotrod 50 USB at Amazon or REI or the NiteRider Sentinel 40 Rear Bike Light.
• This item is unusual, especially for some, but listing it is odd due to the author. Some background may help. Seeing that the departed one is truly happy and better off than you can help one get through a divorce. It stings, but understanding reality isn’t my weakness. My ex-wife seems happier, and I’m glad. She married a talented nature photographer who wrote a great book. It’s better than Tony Northrop and Scott Kelby’s books. The book can be found here!
• I need a better bike mirror. This one works nicely. I had this one, but my son needed one, so I gave it to him. Which is best?
• And last? Nice bike socks like these...  I would need XL as they run small, and I am size 11.5.

I hope someone dear to me finally gets their wish. Relationship problems have been tough. It’s hard when a long-term relationship ends and someone coldly turns away. I wish that person finds peace and understanding when there’s no answer.

I’d be happiest if you were kind to everyone you meet and yourself.

Carry on my friends, carry on!

Loved one in pain and charades

Halloween has arrived, and this year it falls on a Saturday, making it the perfect day for everyone to celebrate.

Yesterday, I was asked about my plans for the holiday. I had been contemplating a short trip next weekend. After a brief exchange, the man wished me a pleasant journey. However, he then remarked, “But then again, why wouldn’t you? Your life is truly golden!”

I must admit that the act I portrayed was pleasant, as it allowed me to be perceived as living a golden life. Nevertheless, the words he uttered left me speechless. He was not being impolite, sarcastic, or insulting. I believe he was sincere. And that is the aspect that astounded me because here is the truth:

This individual had observed me on several occasions over the past year, for brief periods. Typically, I am dressed formally and employed full-time. He generally appreciates the photography I have displayed on the office wall. He holds a high regard for my expertise and confidence in my profession. Consequently, this is what he was aware of.

The truth is that there exists a darkness that I rarely reveal, nor do most individuals perceive. Particularly in the present era, when numerous of our connections occur only for a mere five minutes at a time—fully filtered or meticulously hashtagged. In our defense, however, it is not entirely our fault. The challenges we face and the difficult days we endure do not always translate effectively when there are twenty individuals eagerly awaiting our presence on a busy day.

What would I have conveyed to this individual to prevent the assumption of a golden image? I could have mentioned, “Yes, I am traveling to Colorado. My son is currently experiencing a particularly challenging period, and he is experiencing significant emotional distress. I could share with him the details of my heart condition, which was diagnosed last spring, and how I frequently encounter difficulty breathing—a terrifying health scare. I could also remind him of the intermittent nature of my post-traumatic stress disorder. Therefore, visiting Colorado to immerse myself in nature appears appealing, but it seemed like an ideal location to escape from life’s demands.”

No, I won’t tell him that because it would be really harsh and cruel to shock a total stranger into oblivion, especially since he looks up to me for my confidence and leadership.

But today, I was really thinking about my sense of authenticity, how vulnerable we all are together, and how polished we try to be. It made me feel like a total fraud because I’m not all the things this man sees when he looks at me.

If I showed up one morning looking like I’d been through the wringer…it would be a completely different person staring back at me. That’s not going to happen because I spend so much time worrying about what others think of me. Additionally, my biggest challenge is letting go of people, even when they have hurt me.

I feel like I’ve failed as a son. I try to avoid big groups so I don’t feel like the invisible one. I’m insanely self-conscious about my smile. I feel like I’m easy to walk away from in life…and it haunts me every single day.

I frequently assume that I care more about others than they do about me. I consistently feel like a poor father and despise emptying the dishwasher.

Every day, I fear that my girlfriend will eventually realize how irrational she is in our relationship. I am grateful for each day that she does not.

I aspire to write a book that is emotionally taxing. However, I am apprehensive about being told that my life was never worth sharing. I grapple with the daily struggle of feeling adequate and, ironically, good enough.

Additionally, I experience frequent bouts of crying, particularly recently, as I witness the pain my loved ones endure. The private nature of their struggles prevents me from offering any assistance.

I doubt that I would receive recognition for any of this. Scars serve as tangible reminders of survival, symbolizing my determination to confront challenges rather than flee from them. We all possess these scars, even the individual seated across from me. He, too, engages in battles, defends his position, and confronts his own struggles in his unique manner.

Perhaps it is not about accumulating accolades for the perceived reality we present to the world on social media, but rather about earning the recognition of bravery through our actions in the face of adversity. Life demands courage, bravery, and vulnerability.

Upon waking, I proceed to my workplace, effectively managing the significant stress that permeates my life, while proudly displaying my scars. Despite my efforts, I find it challenging to convey to my son that he is not facing this battle in isolation. However, having endured this struggle for over a decade, I am experiencing a profound sense of exhaustion. I continually fall short of expectations and strive to be a better person by attempting to maintain a facade of normalcy. The accompanying image eloquently encapsulates the essence of my current predicament.

Carry on my friends, carry on!