Respect, defined as a feeling or understanding of someone’s importance and appropriate treatment, or an act of giving particular attention, is challenging to measure in today’s fast-paced world. Its definition has evolved across generations, and it can vary.
As I’ve aged, I’ve gained a deeper understanding of respect, similar to love or hate. What I considered respectful behavior in my youth may not be so now. I’ve lost relationships and gained friends based on the equivalency between parties. Looking back, I realize that my arrogance and half-respect may have contributed to my divorce.
As I age, one issue bothers me deeply, and I find it disrespectful. If both parties’ actions are equal, it’s hard to say there’s no mutual respect. However, the issue intensifies when the other party gets angry with you for doing what they do to you.
In 2007, I was attempting my first Superior Trail 100-mile race. The race started at 8:00 AM on a Friday. I didn’t have cell service for most of the run, so my crew had my phone. At mile 77 (11:00 AM Saturday), I noticed I had service when my crew gave me my phone, as there were several messages. Worried, I listened to all nine messages from the same person, which are forever burned into my mind.
The first caller arrived at 5:30 PM on Friday, requesting a callback. An hour later, they became upset and escalated to yelling at me for not responding, calling me names, and insulting me. This continued until 10:15 AM Saturday, when they were still angry and called me useless and disrespectful. The harsh words and anger deeply hurt me, as I had quit the race, a decision I regret. The lack of respect made me feel inadequate. I calmly explained my situation and apologized repeatedly, but they remained upset, which made me feel even worse. I mentally decided to avoid such situations in the future, especially when I’m away from my phone for more than a few hours.
Why do I bring this up? Since 2007, a dear friend has ignored frequent communications from several people as if it were no big deal. I witnessed them see who called and forget it. When I called back, they hadn’t called back. It’s a double standard I tolerate. I still remember the demeaning voicemails I received in 2007 when I didn’t return their call quickly.
My girlfriend can put her phone down for 4-6 hours and never look at it. Many people are frustrated, but I find it acceptable since she doesn’t expect a quick response from me. I got back hours later, and she was fine. That’s mutual respect. However, when someone wants an immediate response, they get furious, yet they may take days to respond. That’s disrespect. Respect is a rolling scale.
What are your thoughts? When is it respectful to reply to a call? In 2007, I was without service or off-grid, so it was understandable. But what’s a respectful response time if I wasn’t off-grid and out of service? Four hours would be respectful, but I’m unsure if there’s a standard.
