Damb it!

I should be more mindful of my language on the public forum, even though I’m feeling frustrated, exasperated, enraged, maddened, aggravated, bothered, perturbed, discouraged, annoyed, irritated, agitated, and so on. In fact, I’m starting my third Prednisone and Leviquin regimen in five months.

I detest these two drugs because they make my body feel like all my body fluids have been depleted at the last aid station. Prednisone, which I jokingly call “pregnant zone,” causes me to gain weight like I’m pregnant, and I can’t do anything about it! I try my best to manage these issues, but getting out of bed is excruciating because that damn Leviquin makes me feel worse than when I ran 77 miles of the Superior Hiking Trail.

On a positive note, I don’t have the blisters; it’s just the body pain.

I haven’t even delved into the “Why me” phase of this ongoing battle, which has been going on for five years now. I often find myself asking, “Why not me?” considering my insurance coverage, a stable job, my age of 51, and the near independence of my child. I have the time and energy (well, not really anymore) to endure this fight. Additionally, I have other dear friends who are far less fortunate than I am. Just today, I read the CaringBridge post of a friend who doesn’t even have the options I have and will miss her youngest child’s high school graduation. So, why me? I often find myself questioning why them.

In summary, this will be my 11^th Prednisone round and 4^th Leviquin round since 2009, which is beyond the IV push I had during my surgery. If this treatment doesn’t work, surgery will be necessary again. This time, it’s exploratory surgery since my blood counts are normal, but I’m plagued by constant recurring infections. These infections prevent me from sleeping unless I sit up, disrupt my vision, and cause severe headaches with a pain level I’ve never experienced before. My chest is congested, and my wheezing is unbearable. I’m not sure how people manage to cope with me. I try to remain cheerful and accommodating, but I’m feeling increasingly exhausted.

I was taking pictures a few weeks ago. It was at the Ice Cave on the north-facing shore of Lake Superior. Pictures help bring the mind off other things. Here are a few photos:

Music soothes the soul. My music taste is diverse now, with many new favorites you may not have heard. My son introduced me to Amos Lee and Rodrigo y Gabriela. I enjoy Bella Ruse, Robert Earl Keen, Danny Gatton, Ry Cooder, Steel Magnolia, Marcia Ball, Mallory Hope, and others. I still love the local scene with Mick Sterling, Pamela McNeil, and the Home Free Boys.

Music is an excellent medicine for the soul. It can evoke laughter, tears, speed, or smiles. Like food, some music makes me feel better, while others don’t.

I’ve traveled many roads and often wonder if different choices would have avoided my current issues. The human body is a complex system of living organisms that interact and support each other. I’m unsure if the next round of medicine will work or if I should accept my body’s limitations. I’m exhausted.

I always loved a quote from Julius Caesar:

"If a man were to know the end of this day's business, there it comes. Will this day end, and the end be known?  If we meet again, we will smile; if not, this parting was well made." 

While I’ve long yearned to rejoin my trail friends on the trails, I’m still uncertain if I’ll be able to make it again. I have no regrets; I’m grateful for the journey we’ve shared. I hope to join you once more, but my optimism is waning for now. I’m not a quitter, but this situation is testing my patience!

All you quiet dreamers, carry on!

Dear old man, Winter

Please accept this letter as formal notice of your immediate termination. While you have consistently exceeded our expectations and requirements, the harsh January weather conditions, including temperatures dropping to -20°F (with a wind chill of -40°F), constant snowfall, and blustery winds, have made it clear that you have surpassed all expectations. In light of these circumstances, we believe it is in your best interest to seek employment elsewhere. I understand that I have no control over the hiring and firing decisions made by Mother Nature’s staff, but I often wish I had some influence in such matters. 

Why do I want to rid myself of this long winter?  I miss riding my bike to work! 

Many people suggest, “Get a fat bike, fat man.” While this might be a viable option if the roads weren’t so congested with snow and drivers weren’t so frustrated, riding to work is inherently dangerous. Over half of my commute involves sharing roads where the speed limit exceeds 40 MPH.

People often ask what the allure of commuting on a bicycle.  To me, there are so many reasons, many fundamental, which include:

• It’s cheaper than driving. According to AAA, the average cost of owning a car in 2013 increased by just over $9,000 due to rising fuel costs and upkeep. On the other hand, maintaining bikes costs only $308 per year, which is nearly 30 times less than the cost of owning a car.
• While this comparison isn’t entirely fair since I still own a vehicle, I can share my personal savings. I save about $4.00 daily on fuel costs by biking. Using the Commute Saving Calculator, I found that my annual commute costs $5,702.40. With 260 workdays in a year, I typically commute 60-80 of those days, resulting in annual savings of approximately $1,500. However, I incur $200 in annual bike repairs. Despite these expenses, I find it worthwhile to save an average of $100 a month through tax-free savings.
• It's a free gym on wheels.
• As I age, bike commuting can be an incredibly effective cardiovascular exercise. It’s also easier on the joints, especially for those who are overweight. Therefore, engaging in activities like swimming or biking that don’t put too much strain on the joints can be beneficial. 
• I miss traffic jams. Even under ideal conditions, it takes about 20-25 minutes to drive. To account for any unexpected delays, I plan for a 40-45 minute commute. Interestingly, people with similar commutes often take longer to drive than I do. 
• I save significantly on health care expenses. 
• My productivity significantly improves when I commute to work by bicycle. Numerous studies have demonstrated that individuals who commute to work by bike, walking, or jogging are less likely to call in sick. In the summer, I feel healthier when I ride my bicycle frequently. Interestingly, some studies suggest that taking the bus may increase the likelihood of getting sick. Fresh air is undoubtedly beneficial for our health. A survey conducted by the University of Nottingham revealed that public transit riders are “six times more likely to suffer from acute respiratory infections.”
• I never have to worry about finding a parking spot. In fact, we have conveniently located bike parking right next to the workout room and locker facility. (This amenity is worth sacrificing 20% of my salary compared to many of my colleagues who don’t have this option.) Money isn’t everything.
• The most significant reason for me to bike to work, provided the roads aren’t icy or snowy, is the joy of life. When I stop at a stoplight, I greet any other bikers who arrive. If we’re heading in the same direction, we ride a few miles together. Imagine trying that in a car! Biking allows me to easily stop and savor the moment, whether it’s watching kids play, marveling at nature’s wonders, or catching up with friends.

A bike commute offers numerous benefits, including hassle-free travel, zero gas costs, increased exercise, eco-friendliness, reduced car key searches, workplace leadership, worry-free parking, traffic avoidance, and insurance savings. Despite a longer commute, I save time.

A typical day begins at 5:45 AM with a 15-minute wake-up and breakfast. By 6:50 AM, I shower and prepare for work. By 7:20 AM, I’m in the car, facing traffic delays. On a good day, I arrive at work at 7:50 AM.

Biking eliminates the morning routine. I pack everything the night before, wake at 5:45 AM, and start riding by 5:55 AM. The crisp air is invigorating. I arrive at work between 6:50 and 7:10 AM. I stretch, shower, and prepare for the day. By 7:40 AM, I walk into the office with breakfast, eat at my desk, and begin my day.

Wow, that 18-mile bike ride saved me over 10 minutes, and I feel so much better and less stressed! I was chatting with friends on the way and soaking in the fantastic scenery, which really lifted my spirits. You can’t experience the beauty and wonders of nature like that when you’re stuck in a car, zooming around at 55 MPH or more.

So, Old Man Winter, please ease up and make the roads bicycle-safe so I can again enjoy my days in a way most will never understand or experience.

All you quiet dreamers, carry on!