Gollllly - life is ?

I’ve been writing less, doing less, and having less exciting news in the past few years. It feels like a never-ending cycle of work, sleep, and eating. Before I get into the negative, I’m happy to share that I put my work computer away and took my first vacation in five years. I’ve been losing about two weeks of vacation a year, but this is a great start to transitioning me out of my current job.

My girlfriend has seven active grandkids, and we spent a week at Grandview Lodge with them. Despite the busyness, we made great memories, which keep us young. Here’s a photo of the troop! I also spent a week in North Carolina with my son. I helped with household maintenance, which was a nice break from the monotony. While there, I visited the The Historic Occoneechee Speedway Trail, one of the oldest abandoned racetracks.

Here are a few photos:

After returning from each week away, I worked a 65-hour week to stay above water and another 50 to catch up. This highlights the urgency to leave, but more made me realize I needed to escape. The health decline began almost 7 years ago and has been a fight since. I’m unsure if it’s COVID stress, my toxic workplace, my father’s passing, aging, or something else, but everything seems more complicated, and my mind is less emotionally prepared.

My recent physician visit revealed a need for change. I’ve been on oral iron supplements for 6 months, and they have slightly improved my condition. However, the oral iron causes severe stomach pain, and I have all the classic anemia symptoms, confirmed by blood work.

• I am tired all the time, but I can't sleep.  Four Advil PMs and I might sleep 4 hours!
• I have extreme shortness of breath
• Chest pain is a daily occurrence
• My hands and feet get cold easily
• My heart will race
• For decades, a headaches were rare, but now it is widespread

After six months, I had anticipated improved outcomes, but the majority of the results fell significantly below the recommended minimum. Although not as severe as the situation in 2017, it is evident that the issues persist.

After receiving the unexpected blood test results in June 2023, I was shocked to have an EKG and the following appointment. The doctor explained that untreated anemia puts pressure on the heart, with a bleak outlook. This was odd since I feel best riding a bike with a heart rate over 120. Is the body happy to get more oxygen?

In a few weeks, I’ll have three infusions, up from two and one in the past. I hope this helps me. Retiring will reduce stress, which is beneficial for my health. Workplace changes are common, but over 33% of employees are new within two years. In my division, 70% of new employees report dissatisfaction and quit, but it persists. My workplace is so bad that I retired before 62 and hope to succeed financially. If I stay, I’ll die. I can control this outcome. My job is posted and should be filled in the next few weeks. I’ll train the new supervisor before retiring.

May the infusions work, my health improve, and reduced stress make life more enjoyable!

Carry on my friends, carry on!

Erik's Bike shop experience, twice now

I’ve had issues with Erik’s Bike Shop before, about 20 years ago, when I bought my son his first bike. Despite my hopes for improvement, their customer service and overall experience have not improved. I’m stuck with a $3,400 bike that I’ve only ridden 11 days this year and 8 weeks in the shop.

Last year, I wanted to replace my 8-year-old e-bike (Surly Long Haul Trucker with a Bionx D-500 kit). That bike has over 10,000 miles on it with only minor repairs.  I also have a Juiced Bike RipCurrent S and a RAD Mission.  Being a heavier rider, I have always been cautious about the spoke strength.  On June 7, 2022, I went to Erik’s Bike Shop in Eagan, where they had a sale.  There, I found the Diamondback Current, which was on sale for $3,450. 

 

Before buying the bicycle, I discussed my concerns with the sales staff about my size, strength, and fear of spoke breakage. I explained that I prioritized spoke strength two decades ago due to spoke breakage and wanted a more robust wheel. In my last five bicycles, I had no spoke problems, except for a custom wheel that caused issues. I had a rebuilt wheel made, and it didn’t have problems. The salesman assured me that a properly tensioned wheel wouldn’t be an issue. I trusted his words and bought the bicycle.

As my Bionx bicycle remained in excellent working condition, I limited my riding on the Diamondback to less than 300 miles during the first year. Subsequently, in April 2023, I began riding my Diamondback more often. Approximately 400 miles into my increased riding, I noticed a spoke breaking at the hub. Due to my absence on vacation, I had the surgery, but I was only able to use two of my seven planned vacation days. Upon returning home, I rode approximately another 100 miles, and the spoke broke again. This incident occurred during four commutes to work on paved trails, without encountering any rough terrain. Consequently, I took the bicycle to Eric’s repair shop, and over a span of 24 days, I received it back.

I rode my bike less than 150 miles and had another spoke break. I returned it to Erik’s Bike Shop on June 20, expressing disappointment about the spokes and suggesting a stronger wheel. They promised to call me with options on June 23. I reiterated my concerns and was told they would install stronger spokes and have the bike ready by July 5. I hoped to have it for my trip starting on the 8th. On July 5, I was informed that the rim can handle oversized spokes and suggested a new wheel (over $225 fixed). I left on vacation and wanted to take the bike, but they said it should be ready by July 12, not before I leave.

Frustrated, I called them on July 16 and was informed they expected to have it ready on July 24. The bike has been in the shop for over two months, and I've only ridden it 11 days this year.

I’m not sure how Erik’s Bike Shop staff stay in business. I have found that my bike knowledge may exceed theirs, and when I expressed concerns based on my understanding, they dismissed them.

Carry on my friends, carry on!

The older you get, the stranger the message

My workplace has become highly toxic. The new administration resembles a clique in high school, with some as targets and others doing minimal work to avoid notice. We’re treated based on the Director’s attitude, not equality. I’m not a favorite, and my physician advises reducing stress to prepare for retirement. Despite my efforts, I’m concerned about heart issues due to the pressure and abuse from leadership. The delay in a full review is frustrating; they consider a follow-up echocardiogram essential, but it can only be scheduled in July.

The office was once friendly, but the administration has created an environment where avoiding confrontation is best. I recently met an employee who apologized for knowing the Director hated me and was harsh to those who considered me a friend. They avoid me to prevent wrath from the Director. They even created an acronym, “WOK,” to avoid the WOK (WRATH OF KARLA).

I know staying longer will only make the administration unhappy, but I’ll wait to see if I’m forced out. I’ve hired legal counsel and documented everything in case the Director decides to pursue me. I need to address my healthcare coverage concerns before retiring next spring. Over the past few years, I’ve noticed books placed on my desk, some subtly suggesting I leave. Recently, a book on my chair caught my attention, though I’m unsure if it was from the Director or a Secret Santa.

As I age, I find it harder to do things I used to do easily. This past weekend, I struggled to change my bicycle tire and eventually paid a bike shop to do it. I did manage to change the sprocket and chain quickly, but the tire change was nearly impossible.

I’m upgrading my photo-taking and processing system for retirement. My 2016 iMac, used for post-processing photography, has slowed down, so I purchased the Mac Studio. The difference is significant; loading Photoshop or Lightroom takes under 10 seconds on the Mac Studio, and post-processing photos is instantaneous. There are no delays in processing either.

I’m not upgrading my cameras. My Nikon D810s and D-600s are still my go-to, and they perform well. I may share more photos in the coming months, but I’m aware that time is not infinite as I age.

Carry on my friends, carry on!

Snow and is stress killing us?

This week, we received 20 inches of snow in 40 hours. Despite forecasts of more, the press sensationalized opinions to boost ratings. Clearing a driveway was challenging due to the heavy snow. This is typical for a Minnesotan.

I learned that “Minnesotan” is a demonym. Demonyms designate all people of a place, regardless of differences like ethnicity, language, religion, or culture. Here are some examples:

Fayetteville, Arkansas – Fayettevillian

Fargo, North Dakota – Fargoan

Cary, North Carolina – Caryite

Apple Valley, MN – Valleyian

Duluth, MN - Duluthian

Nashville, Tennessee - Nashvillian

Life can be stressful, whether due to work, personal issues, or the impacts of a global pandemic. Regardless of the source, the body responds the same way. People say it will kill me, but it doesn’t directly cause death; it can have serious health consequences over time.

I’ve been trying to cope with stress. There are two types: good stress (controllable, like workouts or hobbies) and bad stress (uncontrollable). Both send hormonal signals that increase cortisol and adrenaline. In the short term, it motivates, but long-term chronic stress doesn’t.

High cortisol levels in chronic stress can cause weight gain, inflammation, breathing issues, stomach discomfort, and high blood sugar.

My work has become toxic and high-stress, worsening over the past few months. My supervisor’s boss constantly makes degrading comments about me and avoids me. Others avoid me to avoid the same treatment. People have left without notice after the wrath. There’s no middle ground; you’re either the best friend or the enemy. My supervisor acts cautiously to avoid becoming the next target.

Some say to leave, but I must get through this year to secure a potential retirement package. Otherwise, I’m concerned about my retirement years. However, the lack of leadership and a toxic environment might reduce their effectiveness. It’s a balancing act! Writing about stress and life helps control what’s out of our control.

 I’ve been using my Wahoo Kikr Core (it is now $300 less than I paid a few years ago) and Rouvy. Rouvy is an augmented reality program that makes the rides fun. It’s so natural that I’ve ridden courses and then driven them later, as if I’d been there many times. It’s fun and helps reduce stress.  

I hope all is well in your world.  If I can make it to retirement, I know life will be much better if I escape the toxic environment I experience most days now!

Carry on my friends, carry on!

Tagged by google

I received an email from Google about a post from 2008.  It was tagged as inappropriate as the header was dirty girls.  It was about the gaiters used by many ultra runners.  I changed the header, and they released it.  It can be viewed here:  https://easepeaselife.blogspot.com/2008/09/gaiters-flagged.html.

The most significant highlight of the week was the opportunity to review my retirement options. As previously mentioned, the work environment has become increasingly toxic. One supervisor appears to foster a hostile environment for employees, including me, deliberately. This behavior raises concerns about whether it is an attempt to drive us out of the company. The only positive aspect of attending work and performing my best is that it irritates those responsible for the toxic environment. It is disheartening to witness such behavior, but it is a reality that we must accept.

I have gradually recovered from low iron levels. I no longer have a strong desire to chew ice, but I still experience shortness of breath and fatigue. It is a six-month journey with oral supplements, as the insurance will not cover Injectafer treatments, which were successful in 2017 and again in 2019 when I was low. The follow-up appointment is scheduled for July 19.

I have been riding a bicycle more recently. Since January, the rides have seemed particularly challenging. A few days ago, I discovered that the relative intensity setting in my software (Rouvy) was set to 150%. This explains why I questioned the rapid decline in my conditioning. I rode yesterday at 100% and it was gratifying; I did not feel like I was going to collapse.

I recently captured my first exceptional bird photograph. A Cooper's Hawk was in the neighborhood, and I managed to take pictures without scaring it away. I will conclude with a humorous anecdote I recently heard. A comb was the most suitable gift for a bald man because he could never part with it!

Carry on my friends, carry on!

Hope to live to retire

I’ve been feeling pretty down for a while now. I know this might not be the best place to vent, but writing down my thoughts is the best way to keep my sanity! Most of my problems have been related to work stress. I’ve got less than a year to get to the point where I can retire, and I need to hang in there a little longer!

My work environment has become so toxic that it’s affecting most of the team—well, not the whole team, but most of them. It’s gotten to the point where we can’t even mention the name of a previous staff member the Director doesn’t like without facing petty treatment. The staff has even made acronyms to keep the superior from understanding what we’re talking about.

We can’t do our jobs without worrying about upsetting someone with “connections.” Otherwise, the superiors will take the side of the connections and immediately blame the staff. We’re told not to take action even when we know an issue exists. I had one case before the “Feeding the Children” fraud was discovered; staff were ordered to fast-track an application to allow the favored individual to continue serving the children in the community. Most team members knew it was a fraud from the start, but the Department's head ordered an affordable approach. Two weeks before the State detected the scam, it was approved. Once the arrests started, we never heard from the applicant again.

I take pride in my job, and that’s now rare for the team. People are in it for the money; they rarely care about what they do. Many have told me to check out and make easy money for the year I must retire. I can’t do it, but I’m worried it will kill me if I don’t.

Where to go and what to do!!!

Carry on my friends!

Over 3,000 miles and Anemia

Initially, I experienced immense joy in surpassing 3,000 biking miles in 2022 for the first time in several years. While the journey was arduous, particularly during the latter months, I now comprehend the reasons behind it. After enduring three challenging years that concluded just before the onset of COVID-19, I regained a sense of normalcy. Notably, it was in 2017 when I was hospitalized and subsequently diagnosed with the following conditions:

• Deep vein thrombosis – both legs
• Multiple Pulmonary Embolisms—I asked what that meant, and the Doctor said there were more than they could count.
• Eosinophilic esophagitis (Minor)
• Angioectasias—I learned that Angioectasias are aberrant blood vessels found within the gastrointestinal lumen. They are a common source of obscure gastrointestinal bleeding and are acquired lesions, unlike other vascular lesions of the gastrointestinal tract.
• Iron deficiency anemia due to chronic blood loss (definitely in the stomach and intestines)
• Drug-induced autoimmune hemolytic anemia
• Hiatal Hernia: The diaphragm is a large, dome-shaped muscle that separates your chest cavity from your abdomen. Usually, your esophagus passes into your stomach through an opening in the diaphragm called the hiatus.  Hiatal hernias occur when the muscle tissue surrounding this opening weakens, and the upper part of your stomach bulges up through the diaphragm into your chest cavity.  It's not always clear why this happens, but pressure on the stomach and age-related changes in the diaphragm may contribute to the formation of a hiatal hernia. 

So, back in late 2021, I started feeling out of sorts. I was super tired, had trouble sleeping, and even wanted to chew ice—crazy, right? It was COVID-19, so I got it checked out. By October 2022, things were really tough. I was super motivated, but my body wasn’t cooperating. I didn’t want to use my deductible, so I held off on a check-up until 2023.

The first doctor I saw was an Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist because I’d been having a raspy voice since June 2022. He was really worried about my wheezing and immediately checked my asthma. He wanted to put me on Dupixent, which is a pretty expensive injection. I didn’t think my asthma was that bad, though.

What (recommended)	2017	2020	2023
Iron (35-180)	18	62	26
Iron saturation (20-55%)	6%	17%	7%
Hemoglobin (13.5-17.5)	7.8	14.6	11.1
Ferrittin (26-388)	8	60	10
Hematocrit (37-53%)	29.80%	46&	36%
MCV (80-100)	61	84	68
RDW (11.5-15.5%)	27.$%	14.10%	22.70%

Upon visiting my clinic for a routine check-up, I discovered that my anemia had returned to its severe state. This is the primary underlying cause of the breathing difficulties I have been experiencing. Above is a table outlining the critical anemia indicators from my hospital stay in 2017, when I was relatively healthy in 2020, and on Friday, the 13th of 2023.

Unfortunately, I do not have a definitive explanation for these fluctuations. I anticipate returning to the infusion cycle, which was necessary to elevate my previous hemoglobin levels.

On a positive note, I managed to capture photographs on one of the season’s coldest days. Some of these images are provided below.

I will pray for a healthier 2023 so that I can be healthy in 2024. Then, if not before, I will retire.

Carry on my friends, carry on!

Just under 200 hours

It’s been a while again. I must create more entries. Writing down thoughts is beneficial for mental well-being, but as I age and become more fatigued, life becomes increasingly complex and challenging. The toxic work environment I’m in has reached an unacceptable level. Despite these difficulties, I’ve decided to count down to 1,000 calendar days before retiring, which leaves me with about 500 days. In the meantime, I find solace in singing the iconic Gloria Gaynor song, “I Will Survive.”

I don't trust technology, yet I purchased a program called Weltory for my Apple Watch.  It provides feedback about four times each day. To the right is a typical reading.

I need to remember that tying my identity to work is dangerous. My career doesn’t define me, but connecting it to my identity makes my successes and failures affect my self-worth. I’ve become so embedded in my 28-year tenure that it controls me. This wasn’t an issue for 22 years, but when it became toxic, the health impacts increased exponentially.

Toxicity negatively impacts mental, physical, and emotional well-being, leading to increased stress, fear of depression, and burnout. Despite nearing retirement, I can’t quit immediately. I’m developing healthy coping strategies, including a five-day vacation to visit my son in North Carolina. I’ve logged in for only two days, working 6-8 hours daily. I’ve taken time away before logging in remotely, including weekends, and it’s been refreshing.

However, I also recall a great quote by Banana Yoshimoto:

"As I grow older, much older, I will experience many things, and I will hit rock bottom again and again. Again and again, I will suffer; again and again, I will get back on my feet. I will not be defeated. I won't let my spirit be destroyed."

I also recall Robin Williams's wise and sad words: 

"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not! The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel alone." My employment experience has made me feel so alone!

In other stress-reduction efforts, I completed my 45-mile Thanksgiving Day bike ride and passed the 3,000-mile mark, riding just under 200 hours in 2022.  In 2019, I logged 3,542 miles in 233 hours, which was above 3,000. So, a nice increase over 2020 and 2021, where I did not top 2,000 miles in either year. In 2019, I completed 3542 miles in 213 hours. I am still determining my 2023 goals, but topping 4,000 miles would be nice. Compared to my son, who will top 12,000 miles on the bike in 2022, 4,000 does not look impressive, but it would be an achievement for an old, tired, and worn-out man.

Here is to putting words into a form that can be recalled.

Carry on my friends, carry on!

If you need help understanding why I end my posts with carry-on, click the link and read the history.