Just under 200 hours

It’s been a while again. I must create more entries. Writing down thoughts is beneficial for mental well-being, but as I age and become more fatigued, life becomes increasingly complex and challenging. The toxic work environment I’m in has reached an unacceptable level. Despite these difficulties, I’ve decided to count down to 1,000 calendar days before retiring, which leaves me with about 500 days. In the meantime, I find solace in singing the iconic Gloria Gaynor song, “I Will Survive.”

I don't trust technology, yet I purchased a program called Weltory for my Apple Watch.  It provides feedback about four times each day. To the right is a typical reading.

I need to remember that tying my identity to work is dangerous. My career doesn’t define me, but connecting it to my identity makes my successes and failures affect my self-worth. I’ve become so embedded in my 28-year tenure that it controls me. This wasn’t an issue for 22 years, but when it became toxic, the health impacts increased exponentially.

Toxicity negatively impacts mental, physical, and emotional well-being, leading to increased stress, fear of depression, and burnout. Despite nearing retirement, I can’t quit immediately. I’m developing healthy coping strategies, including a five-day vacation to visit my son in North Carolina. I’ve logged in for only two days, working 6-8 hours daily. I’ve taken time away before logging in remotely, including weekends, and it’s been refreshing.

However, I also recall a great quote by Banana Yoshimoto:

"As I grow older, much older, I will experience many things, and I will hit rock bottom again and again. Again and again, I will suffer; again and again, I will get back on my feet. I will not be defeated. I won't let my spirit be destroyed."

I also recall Robin Williams's wise and sad words: 

"I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not! The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel alone." My employment experience has made me feel so alone!

In other stress-reduction efforts, I completed my 45-mile Thanksgiving Day bike ride and passed the 3,000-mile mark, riding just under 200 hours in 2022.  In 2019, I logged 3,542 miles in 233 hours, which was above 3,000. So, a nice increase over 2020 and 2021, where I did not top 2,000 miles in either year. In 2019, I completed 3542 miles in 213 hours. I am still determining my 2023 goals, but topping 4,000 miles would be nice. Compared to my son, who will top 12,000 miles on the bike in 2022, 4,000 does not look impressive, but it would be an achievement for an old, tired, and worn-out man.

Here is to putting words into a form that can be recalled.

Carry on my friends, carry on!

If you need help understanding why I end my posts with carry-on, click the link and read the history.