What's been happening?

I tried to take a much-needed vacation last week.  So far this year, I have lost 7 vacation days, as I am an idiot and not using them.  I was looking forward to a bit of time off.  Work has calmed a little.   We have filled the open positions, and they are very high-quality individuals.  The female we hired 6 months ago is one of the best I have worked with, and it is a pleasure to have such skilled workers.

The vacation started out well, but it just kept getting worse.  The worst part was early in the trip.  I was within seconds of seeing a bicyclist get killed by an alcohol-impacted driver.  It was in the mountains near Golden, Colorado.  I felt sick as they worked on the innocent bicyclist for at least 15 minutes, and it only looked worse.  Read about it here.  

The axle of the car I was driving fell off within 10 miles of careening down a mountain with significant drop-offs.  If the axle had not held as long as it did, I would undoubtedly be at the bottom of some ravine and, I am sure, dead.

Toward the end of the trip, I had an enriching experience.  My son decided to ride his bicycle up Mount Evens (just south of Idaho Springs, Colorado).  It was a 14-mile ride with just under a mile ascent, ending above 14,000 feet.  I'm still determining how he did it, but seeing him score the goal was nice!

For some reason, I am growing more distant from those I care about most and closer to those I do not care for.  It is such an odd experience.  It is easier to hide the intense pain I am experiencing from those I do not know well.

Another downer is I recently found out a perfect friend has stage 4 colon cancer.  He had stomach pains for a while and even had his appendix out recently.  Then, this was discovered.  He is working hard to get the house ready to sell and make sure his wife is going to be OK after he passes.  Just heartbreaking to see such great people stricken with this grief and a short time to live.

On the Mount Evens trip, I was able to take some snapshots of some critters as well!

Carry on my friends, carry on!

Increase from 9.8 to 12.6 and copper clappers

I used to run five days a week, but knee surgery led me to stop. I started biking instead. This year, I’ve tried biking to work more often than once a week. I made three days, one week and a half, and two days a few times. Just under a third of the weeks starting in April, I didn’t bike at all.

I’ve complained about work being stressful and long. We have fewer staff members than in 2006, but we are busier. Technology could’ve reduced one position, but we’ve been trying to fill it for a long time. A staff member quit over a year ago, and we’re just starting to fill that permanent position.

My work life will be tolerable again in November. I’ll take a vacation, but I need to figure out where. I lost over three weeks of unused vacation time in the past few years.

(THIS IS T.M.I., so feel free to skip two paragraphs). I recently acquired a new bicycle attachment and am eager to test it out. One aspect I miss about running is the ability to listen to music or audiobooks. While cycling, the wind noise is substantial, and it is crucial to remain vigilant of one’s surroundings. To address this, I have purchased an Ivation1000mAh speaker system for my bicycle and cat ears to mitigate the wind noise.

I would like to know if the weather conditions will be favorable tomorrow. For the first time in a considerable amount of time, I am genuinely enthusiastic about this low-cost purchase and anticipate that it will significantly enhance the enjoyment of my bicycle commute.

If you are not aware, I have started an extensive Root Beer Review blog.  I have purchased over 50 brands, and I review them little by little, based on my preferred enjoyment.  After the first 10, it is incredible how different the same product is in this world.  Imagine if a tomato had over 30 different tastes but was labeled and looked the same?

In conclusion, I recently viewed the Fruitcake Lady on YouTube. For those familiar with the show, it offers a delightful comedic experience. For those unfamiliar, it remains enjoyable nonetheless.

In addition, I would like to share one of my favorite Tonight Show clips. Notably, new staff members (typically younger) inquire about the identities of Joe Friday (Jack Webb) and Johnny Carson when they encounter them. The skit gains additional depth for viewers who have watched Dragnet.

Carry on my friends, carry on!

Where is the man I used to be?

The man I once was, when I was carefree, happy, and confident, has been absent for decades. Gradually, he has been eroding my inner self. I apologize for my grumpiness, my lack of enjoyment, my inability to see the positive side, and my infrequent sense of humor.

Occasionally, after working over 60 hours a week for years to make ends meet, to do my best, and to ensure the well-being of others, it becomes challenging to find humor and maintain rational thinking.

I am not making excuses. I do not intend to make excuses. However, along with my apology, I want you to know that the sleep-deprived, distracted, forgetful, impatient, and snappy man you now encounter is not the man I envisioned or aspired to be.

I yearn to be the man who smiles spontaneously or because there is something within me that prompts it. I yearn to be the man who does not work himself to exhaustion and discovers something he enjoys. I yearn to work without the constant fear of repercussions for a simple decision. I yearn to be the man you laughed with as if nothing else mattered but my amusing joke. I yearn to be the man who possesses the confidence to believe in himself and accept that everything will unfold as planned. I yearn to be the man with the energy, patience, and creativity to infuse life with joy. I yearn to be the man who was difficult to criticize, unlike now, when most people persistently point out my flaws!

Perhaps, one day, I will rediscover him.

However, at present, I am at a loss. I am lost in a job that pushes me to the brink and makes me feel inadequate. Lost in a life that consists solely of sleep, work, sleep, work… Recently, I discovered that I have only had nine days off this year. This includes weekends and holidays. (There have been four holidays and twenty-six weekends, totaling fifty-two days so far this year.) Therefore, out of the seventy-eight days, most individuals have had off, while I have had nine… I acknowledge that this is my responsibility, but I am uncertain of what else to do!

Please continue to be patient with me. I am uncertain if I deserve such patience, but I implore you to remain with me for a while. In time, I hope the man we all cherished will return.

Carry on, my friends, carry on!

RIP Grandma's Marathon 1984-2014 - for me anyway!

I’m near job burnout. I’ve worked 70-hour weeks, but I’m ready to work a 40-45-hour week, and people will have to wait. This job stress has been a unique blend of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion, coupled with doubts about my competence and the value of my work.

Have you become cynical or critical at work? I drag myself to work, struggle to get started, and become irritable with coworkers, customers, or clients. I have low energy, need more satisfaction from my achievements, and have terrible sleep habits. I’m troubled by unexplained headaches, backaches, or other physical complaints.

I have no control over my job. I can’t influence decisions like your schedule, assignments, or workload. We also lack the necessary resources to support your work. Work takes up so much time and effort that I don’t have the energy to spend time with my family and friends.

I identify strongly with my work, which causes an imbalance between my work and personal life. I need to stop trying to be everything to everyone. The consequences are excessive stress, fatigue, insomnia, anxiety, and obesity, all of which increase my stroke risk. I must change before it’s too late.

I won’t finish the 31^st consecutive Grandma’s Marathon. There are a few reasons for this decision.

• Firstly, the forecast predicts severe thunderstorms. At the age of 52, I do not require six hours of exertion to complete a marathon in adverse weather conditions.
• I’ve had severe ankle pain since last fall, and physical therapy helped temporarily.
• Lastly, my health is a concern. As I had mentioned on May 29, the doctor diagnosed a bleeding ulcer. Although I have made an effort to improve my health, I have yet to achieve significant progress. Consequently, I decided to schedule a follow-up appointment before the race. The results were unfavorable, and the doctor strongly advised against participating. 

Long-term fatigue has many causes, but my hemoglobin level is now very low. I cringe when he calls it anemia. Low hemoglobin may be temporary, but it’s more likely due to internal bleeding that I can’t control. My job is the primary source of stress. I’ve never experienced this level of stress in the past six months, and I don’t see it getting better.

I had held on to Grandma’s Marathon for months, but I ignored the doctor's advice and did it anyway. I want to fail, as the thought of not going is depressing. It makes me wonder what else is there.

All streaks end, but I feel empty. My heart feels ripped from my chest. Maybe it’s my heart that bleeds, not my stomach.

My consecutive finishes at Grandma’s Marathon are over. RIP to the last consistent part of my life.

Carry on, my friends, carry on!

Comments from my original blog - I merged the blogs.

Mike W.

A heckuva streak, sit back and reflect on all the good years and a few of the struggle years and take pride. Well done. I missed you this year, and I hope to see you there next year.  Mike. Monday, June 29, 2015 at 3:47:12 PM CDT

Bleeding Ulcer, SH*%!

Feeling run down, I blamed my attempt to get back into shape. I learned to lounge and gradually regain my fitness, rather than pushing myself to play as if I were in peak condition. However, as I age, I yearn for the health of my younger self, leading to routine scenarios where I feel run-down and blame various circumstances.

Earlier this week, after dinner, I hid in my room due to intense stomach pain. It was excruciating! I visited the doctor for help. I have recurring extreme stomach pain and indigestion. I suspected it might be from the OTC sleep medicine and the daily need for ibuprofen. There’s extreme tenderness in my belly, so I underwent additional examination and testing.

The stool revealed occult blood, detectable only through chemical tests. The doctor explained that fatigue and tiredness stemmed from bleeding. The stomach combines food and digestive juices, initiating the digestive process. A protective lining shields it from digestive enzymes. Damage to this lining causes inflammation and pain, potentially leading to bleeding in the stomach or duodenum.

Red blood cells transport oxygen to organs. A low red blood cell count can cause fatigue, weakness, lack of energy, shortness of breath, chest discomfort, and lightheadedness when standing up quickly. This occurs because the body struggles to deliver oxygen-carrying red blood cells to the brain, which subsides after a few seconds as the body adapts or sits down.

Chronic inflammation resulted in the formation of a small crater, or ulcer, in the gastrointestinal tract. I experienced occasional black tarry stools. Through endoscopy, a source of bleeding was identified, and the blood vessels were cauterized.

Currently, I am advised to avoid aspirin and ibuprofen. Lansoprazole has been prescribed to reduce stomach acid secretion and facilitate healing. The effectiveness of these measures will be evident in the near future, as I have not experienced any improvement in my condition today. I will continue to manage my health one day at a time.

I am aware that diet plays a crucial role in treating bleeding ulcers. The following nutrients and foods should be incorporated into a diet:

• Vitamin A: Apricots, cheese, carrots, cantaloupe, eggs, spinach, mangoes, sweet potato, and milk
• Vitamin C: Mangoes, peas, melons, beans, oranges, cabbage, milk, berries, potatoes, yogurt, lemons, pork, beef, liver, mussels, and chicken.
• Vitamin E: Spinach and other leafy greens, Egg yolk, peanuts, mangoes, and kiwis.
• Zinc: Dairy products, peas, and oranges

My foods to avoid are:

• Pepper
• Chili
• Caffeine
• Fried and oily food
• Chocolate

Let's see if I am intelligent and disciplined enough to conquer this pain.

Carry on, my friends, carry on…

Is no 31st Grandmas depressing?

In light of my recent experiences, I am contemplating whether I will be able to complete the 31^st consecutive Grandma’s Marathon. Having participated in the event for 30 consecutive years, I have reached a point where I lack the motivation to even attempt the 31st. Additionally, I am currently in the most physically unfit condition of my life. Furthermore, my heart issues and high stress levels have made life increasingly challenging.

I have noticed that when individuals experience negative self-perception, those close to them often become critical and exacerbate their feelings of inadequacy. It is possible that I am interpreting the words of support as criticism.

Today, I encountered a compelling story that prompted me to reflect on various aspects of life. The story centered around a teacher addressing his middle school class.

She explained that a cruise ship had an accident at sea.  On board were a couple who, after reaching the lifeboat, realized there was only space left.  No way could both be saved.

At that moment, the man pushed the woman aside and jumped into the lifeboat to save himself.  The wife stood on the sinking cruise ship and shouted only one sentence to her husband.  The teacher asked the class, “What do you think she shouted?”

Answers such as “I hate you” and” Why are you doing this to me?” “Please don’t leave me,” etc.…  Throughout the angry sentences, a quiet boy was in the back of the room.  The teacher quieted the class to get the silent young man’s attention and answer her.  He replied, “Take care of our child.” 

The teacher looked surprised and said, “Have you heard this story before?” He replied, “No, that is what my momma said to my dad before she died from a disease.”

The teacher said he was right.  The man went home and raised their daughter.   It turned out that the cruise was the last vacation for the mother, who was dying of a terminal illness.  The father wrote in his diary,” How I wished I could have sank to the bottom with you, but for the sake of our daughter, I could only let you live and die alone in the sea.”

The moral of the story is that, despite the presence of good and evil in the world, many complications lie behind them, making them difficult to comprehend. Therefore, it is advisable to focus on the surface and judge others only after gaining a comprehensive understanding of their circumstances.

Individuals who pay for meals at restaurants do so not because they are wealthy but because they prioritize friendship over material possessions.

Those who offer assistance do so not because they owe you anything but because they perceive you as a genuine friend.

Individuals who engage in texting with you do so not because they lack alternative pursuits, but because you hold a significant place in their hearts.

This observation prompted me to reflect on the primary criticism I receive from most of my close friends and loved ones regarding my unwavering dedication to my professional endeavors. Those who demonstrate initiative in the workplace do so not because of a lack of intelligence, but instead because they understand the concept of accountability. I was raised with an exceptional sense of responsibility.

I often wonder whether my sense of responsibility acts as a catalyst for my success or hinders my progress. While responsibility is an essential aspect of life, the extent of my commitment can be detrimental to my personal growth. I have lost touch with my true self and the unique contributions I can make to this world.

The fear of the unknown has become a formidable obstacle, preventing me from moving forward and embracing new opportunities. I have a history of engaging in excessive exercise, becoming an overachiever, consuming excessive amounts of fiber, vitamins, and caffeine, and experiencing excessive anxiety. I am plagued by self-doubt, fearing potential neglect of my emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual well-being.

Despite my persistent search for harmony between my heart, intuition, body, and mind, I am grappling with a sense of hopelessness. However, I am determined to find peace and emotional stability.

Carry on my friends, carry on!

Stress and retirement may equal death?

This blog seems repetitive. My high-stress job is taking a toll on me, and I can’t seem to stop declining. I’ve tried various methods to reduce stress, but it just keeps piling up. I’m deeply concerned about the long-term impact on my health and lifespan. I’ve experienced six of the nine effects listed below.

On Sunday, I learned that the man who hired me and mentored me in the profession passed away from a massive heart attack. He, like me, carried his job on his shoulders, physically and mentally. He lived and breathed his job. He enjoyed retirement, and it felt like he had a new life. Despite being retired for five years and having little stress, a heart attack claimed his life.

I’ve mentioned my chest pain and arm tingle to the Doctor a few times. It’s not a real tingle, but more like a lightning bolt zipping from my shoulder down my fingers. The Doctor checks everything out, and it’s not anything to worry about. Just keep an eye on my heart. But still, I feel like I’m about to die. I’m really scared of dying from stress.

I’ve said it before: There are some things I can do to keep my job from getting worse. I’ve known for a long time that I should eat healthier and exercise more. I also know a few things about reducing job stress and living a longer life. But do I actually do them? No way! I’m working 65-hour weeks and feeling pretty burnt out, which is about to get even worse.

You know, one thing I really miss is having a wingman—or, you know, wingwomen! When things get tough, a wingman can really help me push through obstacles and ease the stress. Lt. Col. Rob “Waldo” Waldman, who’s a decorated combat fighter pilot for the Air Force and the author of “Never Fly Solo,” once said, “Teamwork and trust are super important for fighting off the missiles of fear, change, and risk that can knock even the best people off course.” My last excellent wingman (woman) was Dana. Life hasn’t been the same since she passed away! I’m feeling pretty alone and have no one to lean on at work or in life.

It’s like being all alone at night during a 100-mile run. You can’t just stop because that could be dangerous too!

Carry on my friends, carry on!