Cold, Zwift, a bird and the end of being a grandpa.

Outdoor riding in 2021 is drawing to a close soon. The mornings are now in the low 30s, and the afternoons are in the high 40s to low 50s. The afternoon rides would be great, but the mornings are a bit too chilly for me. So, I’ve moved my Surly Long Haul Trucker to the basement and set it up on the Wahoo Kickr.  I've been using Zwift for the past two years, but I will try Rouvy this fall and see if I switch things up.

Since I haven’t been able to work out for the past few days, I’ve been busy with yardwork. It’s just how it is in Minnesota in the fall, especially when I live in a heavily wooded area.

I did get out one day for some fall photos. For years, I’ve been so impressed by friends who post bird pictures in their natural habitat. I finally took my second bird photo in seven years this weekend, and I’m still trying to get it right. The first photo is from 2017, and the second is from this past weekend. I’ll keep practicing!

I was going through some old posts on Friday and noticed I hadn’t shared some sad news. Very few people knew I had a grandson who was born with some medical challenges. He was my only grandchild, and he needed care throughout his life. Sadly, he passed away on June 30, 2021. It was such an unexpected loss, I have included the obituary below and the funeral video (not sure how long the video is, but it is posted in the same link).  The obituary reads:

Jacob Londell Williams, 20, passed away peacefully at Sanford Hospital, on June 30th, with his Father by his side. His bright, beautiful soul came into our lives on November 8, 2000 and the next 20 years were magical for anyone that knew him or spent time with him. Despite battling countless health issues his entire life, he was the happiest, kindest, sweetest, most positive humans. He always made sure you smiled along with him. He always did what he could to make you laugh. If you were sad he made sure you felt loved. His contagiously positive personality will be missed by everyone. He is survived by his Father, Topher Williams, Fargo. Grandparents, Sue and Brad Koch, Fargo and Londell Pease, Apple Valley MN. Mother, Alysia (Scott) Rufsvold, Jamestown. Brother Logan Wilson, Jamestown. And countless cousins, aunts, uncles, and friends who will all miss him so dearly. 

My son, Christopher, and his mom, Susan, know Jacob best. They’ve been through a lot together, and it’s really affected them. Sadly, I’ve also had to face a lot of loss in my life. I remember when I was in third grade, a classmate passed away. Then, in seventh grade, a friend took their own life. Later, a friend collapsed in my high school yard, and just a few days later, my little nephew, who was only two, passed away. Those were the first of many challenging experiences I wish I hadn’t had. It’s never easy, but I think it’s easier to handle if you know what I mean.

As a father, albeit estranged, I’m still worried about my son, who’s feeling down but managing to keep it together. Since we haven’t talked much, I’m not sure I can really help him. All I can do is remind him, day by day, as they say.

Every day is a new beginning.  Take a deep breath, smile, and start again.   

Carry on my friends, carry on!

Pain from bicycle crash

Following the discomfort experienced from my bicycle accident, I sought medical attention at a clinic for a diagnosis. Regrettably, upon my arrival, my general practitioner informed me that I had arrived late for:

• My annual checkup should have been in July 2020—a little late. (Done)
• Needed the Flu Vaccine (Done)
• Was supposed to have shingle vaccine (Passed on it)
• Needed the Pneumococcal vaccine (Done)
• Blood work - since 2017, I have battled anemia
• Late for the echocardiogram (was supposed to be September 2020, scheduled)
• Upper GI due to the hernia and pain (passed on this one)

I spotted a growth on my right arm and left calf; they were concerned and scheduled a dermatologist appointment within 2 weeks. Those usually take months. I have had these growths for over five years, and they occasionally ooze and bleed. I was never concerned, as they did not grow.

The most disheartening aspect is that I weigh 311 pounds fully clothed and wearing shoes. I still doubt I can deceive myself and claim to weigh under 300 pounds without being naked. I must shed at least 75 pounds. They recommended that I explore medical options, but I declined and resolved to exert greater effort. My primary concerns revolve around stress and work-related issues. Last year, I lost a significant amount of vacation time and worked nearly 3,000 hours. To clarify, this equates to an average of 8.2 hours per day, every day of the year—leaving me with no time for personal pursuits. I anticipate being eligible for retirement within three years. My most pressing concern is securing health insurance.

The political situation has turned my job into a real challenge. It feels like we’re stuck in a binary world—either super left or super right. I often find myself in the middle, and unfortunately, I’m getting blamed by both sides for the problems. The overall mood is really low, even worse than it was after the leadership change six years ago. I’m thinking I’ll retire in about 28 months, but I need to keep going to make that happen.

I deviated from the topic and returned to the clinic visit. Numerous other points were emphasized, but little was said about the reason for my visit. I suspect I have concussion symptoms, and my groin and bruises are pretty painful. There are also hard, painful lumps on my thighs. Despite my efforts, they did not address the areas that were most relevant to me.

On October 17th, Shelley’s birthday arrived. Her older daughter and two grandchildren flew in for three days from Nashabull (as the five-year-old refers to it—Nashville). This was one of the most thoughtful gifts she could have received on her birthday weekend. I was not even going to attempt to surpass their visit. 

However, I went overboard and purchased Kicr Core for her. I have one and love it in the winter with Zwift or Rouvy. For quite some time, she has expressed difficulty building good biking leg strength in the winter. Let's see if the level of use over the winter justifies the purchase.

Since she was occupied, I could get out over the weekend and take some fall photos; below is a small sample.

To enhance my well-being, I must prioritize self-care and allocate time away from work responsibilities. While this may seem counterintuitive, it is crucial for maintaining productivity and preventing burnout. However, I have observed that colleagues often anticipate completing tasks before they can commence their own work. Consequently, delays can have cascading effects. Nevertheless, it is essential to recognize that individual efforts alone cannot address all challenges.

Over the past two weekends, I have intentionally reduced my work hours on Saturday and Sunday, averaging 3-5 hours per day. This adjustment represents a positive step towards achieving a healthier work-life balance.

Tomorrow, I intend to commute to work by bicycle. The morning temperature forecast calls for a low of 37 degrees Fahrenheit and a high of 45 degrees Fahrenheit. While the cold weather may be uncomfortable, it can also provide a refreshing contrast to the usual indoor environment.

Carry on my friends, carry on!

Wow, been a while

As we approach the second full year of the COVID-19 pandemic, I extend my heartfelt prayers for the continued well-being of all. Remarkably, a few years have elapsed, and I find myself contemplating the need for updates. Are there any significant developments that warrant attention?

In the spring of 2020, I decided to stop using Facebook. The divisive nature of interactions with friends and the emotional intensity they evoked were detrimental to my mental health. I made a political joke, which prompted several friends to express extreme reactions, including blocking me. The joke I made was as follows:

We call a "Gigantic" dinosaur "T Rex"

So why isn't "T Rump" a "Gigantic ASS"

It was a joke! The country's political polarization is affecting personal relationships, a concerning trend. This situation is a result of misinformation and the gullibility of some individuals, and it appears to be worsening.

In November 2020, I stated that I would not cut my hair or shave until I was vaccinated. However, in early April 2020, I was vaccinated, and I shaved and had a haircut. Here are some images that may provide some amusement.

3 Weeks before a haircut

Probably an automatic search by TSA?

My son thought there was a resemblance.

During the summer, I endeavored to ride a bicycle as often as possible. However, due to my remote work arrangement and my schedule, I was able to ride approximately twice a week. Since last summer, I have successfully lost 10 pounds. Notably, I visited my doctor for my annual checkup on the day I experienced a bicycle accident. Unfortunately, this was not an ideal time for a yearly checkup, as I sustained a minor concussion and severe bruising. I was disoriented and required several days to recover from the head injury. The accident occurred when I veered off the handlebars, causing the rear tire to follow me. A detailed account of the incident is beyond the scope of this summary, which was rushed and had limited visibility.

To the right is an image of my left leg, which appears more severely affected than my right.

Some things I miss and learned along the way.

• I no longer see Maria Barton strolling by the house on her morning runs. I hope she is still doing well.
• I no longer see the people in the neighborhood as much as we all crawled into a cave.
• The bullying and divisive tactics of the past President have created a divide among friends.
• I never imagined families who once were great friends would hate each other over a vaccine.
• I do not see events where old friends can catch up and enjoy a day.
• Cancel culture has us all afraid to speak. I even had someone chastise me for opening a door for a female. They said I was calling her a weaker person and that it was an insult. So, that is not appropriate.
• I was told that complimenting someone's literacy was a microaggression and that I should never repeat it.
• I miss people caring for one another instead of making themselves look better by bringing others down.

After losing over 120 hours of vacation from March 2020 to April 2021, I took some time off. In April, I flew to Houston to help my son and his girlfriend relocate to Cary, North Carolina, a city I now find more appealing than Houston. These were challenging yet enjoyable two weeks.

My girlfriend, Shelley, experienced a challenging year. Her life was filled with joy due to the proximity of her two daughters, who allowed her to visit her granddaughters and grandsons whenever she desired. However, her oldest daughter moved to Nashville, Tennessee, approximately nine months later, followed by her youngest daughter’s move to Fayetteville, Arkansas. This has resulted in a significant loss of happiness for Shelley, who often cries. Despite her outward composure, she has undergone a profound transformation, albeit not for the better.

It is unclear whether her daughters will ever comprehend the pain they inflicted upon their mother. I doubt it and intend to convey the negative consequences of their actions. Shelley’s current state of sadness deeply saddens me.

I could say so much more, yet it may get too long. As I assume many do, I see more downsides from COVID-19 and the politically divisive atmosphere than upsides. The main point is that despite highs and lows, we are still alive and taking each day as a gift.

Carry on my friends, carry on!

Big move

It's not a move for me, but for my son. I was going to fly to Houston, and he and his girlfriend were moving to Cary, North Carolina. We would alternate the U-Haul and the car for the drive. They had been looking at houses and had purchased with the closing date of May 1.

I thought they would break up the day before I flew out. My son rode a bicycle and placed the keys on top of the car. Kira was unaware of this, and when she returned with a friend, they decided to get some items before the move. He came back and was very angry with her. He became more furious as she tried to defend herself, and it was a less-than-wise place to put the keys.

I took the flight after telling them they should break up and lose the earnest money on the house. Walking away may be the better solution. Jordan has my genetics and has yet to learn, as I did well into my 40s, that many issues are mine, but I made them another person's issue. It's not a good trait.

When I arrived, the van was packed, and a bit of cleaning remained. There was ice in the air, but at least they were cordial. We were able to get out of town by 9:30 AM. After about 60 miles, Kira said the Subaru's check engine light came on. Jordan and I were in the truck. We thought this was just another issue, and the move was cursed. We stopped at Buckee's to check the issue: the low-tire-pressure indicator. Since it appeared to be a slow leak, we filled the tire and proceeded. Jordan decided to drive with Kira while I was alone in the truck.

The drive was uneventful until we reached Georgia. There was a chain collision, and Jordan slowed for it, but I did not see it. I was looking at him when he slowed. Fortunately, he slowed way early, so I had a chance to see the issue and did not crash! Our luck was improving. Kira and Jordan were behind me, and I was looking in the mirror when I began to freak out. A car was coming up behind them at full speed. The car saw the issue, but it was too late. It swerved to avoid the vehicle in front of them (a few cars behind Jordan), but no luck. Another pileup and Jordan was spared by one car length!

We were just past the halfway point and found a place to stay. The tension between them dissipated during the car ride, which was a relief. We checked into a hotel, ate dinner, and decided that Kira and I would hang back and get the Subaru tire looked at while Jordan left earlier with the truck. We went to Walmart Auto Center and waited 30 minutes for it to open. Sure enough, there was a screw in the tire. It took 45 minutes to repair, meaning Jordan was over 90 miles ahead of us. I drove as hard as possible to catch him, but he was driving slightly above the speed limit, and I only caught him near Cary.

We took the truck to the house and parked it for the night. Kira was going to stay at a friend's, and Jordan and I stayed at Courtyard Parkside Town Commons in Cary. On Monday, we had the final walkthrough and closing. There were some larger issues, but fortunately, they did not affect the closing. It was about 3:00 PM when we started moving into the home, and we didn't finish until late.

I stayed there for a few days and helped them get settled before I flew back to Minnesota. They had a chance to meet some new neighbors who were very lovely and have a young daughter named Emma. They may become friends as they are all so much alike.

I am proud of what Jordan has accomplished. He appears to be happy and content with his life.

Carry on my friends, carry on!

Went to Glover, ND

The world is moving on from 2020 as we approach 2021. 2021 marks the end of a challenging year, marked by the disruptions caused by COVID-19. It made it difficult to maintain friendships and disrupted daily life. In 2021, I’ll emphasize that 2020 was the year that changed everything. While I did some cycling, it was different from the previous year. I completed 168 rides for 1,937 miles and just under 126 hours, which is almost half of the 3,567 miles and 267 rides in 2019.

Many people have been working from home for approximately seven months due to the COVID-19 pandemic. I purchased a Whahoo Kickr trainer and joined Zwift a year ago, but I only rode a few hundred miles. I hope 2021 will bring more enjoyable rides, but work has been the most significant roadblock, especially in 2020.

The work-from-home trend in 2020 disrupted work-life balance. I worked nearly 3,000 hours and lost vacation. I blame myself for the decreased productivity. Budget cuts eliminated overtime, so the two staff members not eligible for overtime, including me, pick up the slack. I understand the need for reviews and job opportunities, but I can’t say “wait” because we’re busy. I care about helping others and completing tasks. My college professor, Curtis Arthur Amlund, once said, “Londell, I’m glad you’re not a woman; you can’t say no to anyone.”

On a lighter note, I heard a great joke I had to share. Some rolled their eyes, yet I really loved the humor. It goes like this: 

What two men routinely hang out near a window? Curt and Rod

If you don't get it, say it fast. That's the type of humor I enjoy.

On December 19, I felt strongly about my grandfather and wanted to talk to him. He taught me many valuable life lessons that I share with others. So, I decided to skip my girlfriend’s small family gathering and drove to Glover, North Dakota. It was a lovely day, and I took some pictures.

It was a great visit, but confusing. The gravestone’s last name was misspelled. I researched and found that World War created animosity toward Germans, so my great-grandparents’ German previous name, Pies, was changed to Pease. I was amazed!

Carry on my friends, carry on!

It's my birthday?

This past week marked my 58th day on Earth. The day prior, I embarked on a day trip with Shelley to the northern shore, where we engaged in hiking and photography. The weather conditions were favorable, enabling us to hike for several hours.

Due to COVID-19 concerns, we departed from our residence at 6:00 AM and arrived at our destination by 10:00 AM. As we commenced our return journey, we made several stops at hiking locations and returned home just before 9:00 PM. I intend to share some photographs in due course.

The only unusual aspect of that trip was Shelley’s father calling a day early to extend his birthday wishes. My son called on my birthday to inquire about my plans and preferences. However, he refrained from expressing his birthday greetings. My eldest son sent a text message, asking if it was my birthday, with the intention of ensuring that I received my birthday wishes.

What is peculiar is that, aside from the instances mentioned above, no other individuals, including my parents, sister, girlfriend’s daughters, or any individuals I would consider family, contacted me to extend their birthday greetings. In the past, they would consistently make calls or send texts to convey their birthday wishes.

How do I perceive this outcome? Is everyone preoccupied with COVID-19 and has forgotten about it? I am uncertain of the reason behind their absence, as they did not wish to celebrate another year of my existence. Was this a mere coincidence, or have I lost touch with those who constitute my immediate family?

Either way, it is what it is, and I need to move on without letting it bother me, but it does.

In addition to the aforementioned, anemia has had a detrimental impact on my dental health. I have developed a strong inclination to chew ice, which has become a recurring issue. As the condition worsens, I find myself losing focus and avoiding the activity altogether.

Having been diagnosed with anemia for three years, I have undergone three dental implants due to the damage caused by the condition. Unfortunately, the COVID-19 pandemic prevented me from scheduling the necessary laboratory tests. In June 2017, my hemoglobin level was recorded at 6.8 g/dL, leading to a hospital stay. Through three infusions, my hemoglobin level increased to 15.3 by August. In August 2018, it further rose to 12.1 g/dL, with another infusion increasing it to 15.1 g/dL. In March 2019, my hemoglobin level was 12.2 g/dL, and another infusion increased it to 16.2 g/dL.

However, in December 2019, I began experiencing discomfort. Due to a change in my insurance provider, I was only able to schedule laboratory tests after establishing a relationship with the new care provider under the new insurance program. After several months, I finally had the tests scheduled for late March 2020. Unfortunately, the COVID-19 pandemic resulted in the cancellation of the appointment. It was not until July 2020 that I was able to reschedule, and my hemoglobin level was recorded at 11.8 g/dL. Despite my medical history, the physician required a higher hemoglobin level for another infusion. Instead, they advised me to take iron tablets for several months, which unfortunately caused significant stomach pain.

In late August, I contacted my preferred provider due to persistent stomach pain and was informed that they had no available appointments until January 2021. Consequently, I anticipate that my hemoglobin level will continue to decline until I am hospitalized again. I suspect that the iron tablets may be causing stomach bleeding, which could potentially exacerbate the situation. Ultimately, I believe that the cost of treating the known issue will be significantly higher due to the insurance coverage.

Despite the challenges I am facing, I am optimistic that COVID-19 has not resulted in any fatalities among my acquaintances. I am cautious, as I am uncertain whether it is simply a matter of time before someone I care about or I myself falls victim to the virus. The absence of family members wishing me a happy birthday has also contributed to my ability to cope with the situation.

Carry on my friends, carry on!

15 weeks boring every day

Like many Americans, I’ve been working from home due to the COVID-19 virus. On my first day, I noticed a decrease in productivity because the VPN was overloaded. At the office, I have 250 Mbps, but on the VPN, 40 Mbps was a good day. As a result, my tasks take approximately 20-30% longer to complete in a typical 45-50-hour workweek.

Over the past 15 weeks, I’ve worked every day, including weekends, with an average workweek of 69.6 hours. I know this is unhealthy, but I didn’t realize I had any options besides not working. My girlfriend says they may consider my division for layoffs if we complete the job. I’m still waiting for someone to address my concern about the activity level I need to complete tasks. This is self-destructive. Fortunately, I’m aware of the impact and am taking steps to minimize it. Things can only get better. I’m glad to be employed!

In January, I switched to a PPO health insurance plan, which has increased my stress about my long-term health issues, including breathing problems, blood clot risk, and anemia. Despite being aware of these issues, I haven’t established a relationship with the new clinic or doctor. Working from home and reduced social activity may worsen my iron-deficiency anemia, which I’ve been battling for years. In 2019, I received only two infusions, an improvement from the four in 2018 and the unknown number in 2017. The last infusion was in July last year. After several weeks of experiencing fatigue, dizziness, and pale skin, I’m concerned about my health.

• Extreme fatigue and weakness
• Sleep issues
• Pale skin
• Chest pain, fast heartbeat, or shortness of breath
• Headache and dizziness
• Cold feet
• High Anxiety 
• Weight gain: Although I track all calories and nutrition and stay under 2,000 daily (high-quality calories), I have gained 25 pounds since last September.
• I have found myself chewing ice - often!

I visited my primary care physician's (PPO) clinic, Fairview in Eagan, MN, to schedule an appointment. The website stated there were no online appointments, so I called. After 25 minutes, a friendly caller informed me that they weren’t taking in-person appointments and suggested I go to the emergency room if I was concerned.

I explained that after four years of battling anemia, I could tell them to do a blood draw to check for issues. I also suggested a D-Dimmer to verify for clots. I hadn’t experienced extreme calf pain like in 2017, but other symptoms concerned me. I argued for about 20 minutes, and they set me up with a 10-minute phone consultation for the next day. I felt like he was doing me a favor.

I’ll try to get a lab referral tomorrow. I don’t expect success, but it’s better than going to the ER. With COVID, I want to avoid the hospital. If these issues don’t kill me, I’m doing my best to avoid COVID-19.

Until next time, Carry on, my friends, carry on!

Amateur I am

I enjoy photography and have often shared my photos. I strive to capture scenes and events that evoke thoughts or emotions in viewers. Sometimes, it’s a running event that conveys the athlete’s pain or effort. At other times, it’s a serene waterfall or a natural scene.

This past week, I photographed my girlfriend and her two granddaughters meeting their four-year-old baby sister for the first time. I was nervous about capturing their emotions and getting the perfect image that conveys the feeling.

Below are some of the shots; I am proud of the result.

 

What do you think?  Did they create emotion or thoughts, or are they just another image?

Carry on my friends, carry on!