Went to Glover, ND

The world is moving on from 2020 as we approach 2021. 2021 marks the end of a challenging year, marked by the disruptions caused by COVID-19. It made it difficult to maintain friendships and disrupted daily life. In 2021, I’ll emphasize that 2020 was the year that changed everything. While I did some cycling, it was different from the previous year. I completed 168 rides for 1,937 miles and just under 126 hours, which is almost half of the 3,567 miles and 267 rides in 2019.

Many people have been working from home for approximately seven months due to the COVID-19 pandemic. I purchased a Whahoo Kickr trainer and joined Zwift a year ago, but I only rode a few hundred miles. I hope 2021 will bring more enjoyable rides, but work has been the most significant roadblock, especially in 2020.

The work-from-home trend in 2020 disrupted work-life balance. I worked nearly 3,000 hours and lost vacation. I blame myself for the decreased productivity. Budget cuts eliminated overtime, so the two staff members not eligible for overtime, including me, pick up the slack. I understand the need for reviews and job opportunities, but I can’t say “wait” because we’re busy. I care about helping others and completing tasks. My college professor, Curtis Arthur Amlund, once said, “Londell, I’m glad you’re not a woman; you can’t say no to anyone.”

On a lighter note, I heard a great joke I had to share. Some rolled their eyes, yet I really loved the humor. It goes like this: 

What two men routinely hang out near a window? Curt and Rod

If you don't get it, say it fast. That's the type of humor I enjoy.

On December 19, I felt strongly about my grandfather and wanted to talk to him. He taught me many valuable life lessons that I share with others. So, I decided to skip my girlfriend’s small family gathering and drove to Glover, North Dakota. It was a lovely day, and I took some pictures.

It was a great visit, but confusing. The gravestone’s last name was misspelled. I researched and found that World War created animosity toward Germans, so my great-grandparents’ German previous name, Pies, was changed to Pease. I was amazed!

Carry on my friends, carry on!

It's my birthday?

This past week marked my 58th day on Earth. The day prior, I embarked on a day trip with Shelley to the northern shore, where we engaged in hiking and photography. The weather conditions were favorable, enabling us to hike for several hours.

Due to COVID-19 concerns, we departed from our residence at 6:00 AM and arrived at our destination by 10:00 AM. As we commenced our return journey, we made several stops at hiking locations and returned home just before 9:00 PM. I intend to share some photographs in due course.

The only unusual aspect of that trip was Shelley’s father calling a day early to extend his birthday wishes. My son called on my birthday to inquire about my plans and preferences. However, he refrained from expressing his birthday greetings. My eldest son sent a text message, asking if it was my birthday, with the intention of ensuring that I received my birthday wishes.

What is peculiar is that, aside from the instances mentioned above, no other individuals, including my parents, sister, girlfriend’s daughters, or any individuals I would consider family, contacted me to extend their birthday greetings. In the past, they would consistently make calls or send texts to convey their birthday wishes.

How do I perceive this outcome? Is everyone preoccupied with COVID-19 and has forgotten about it? I am uncertain of the reason behind their absence, as they did not wish to celebrate another year of my existence. Was this a mere coincidence, or have I lost touch with those who constitute my immediate family?

Either way, it is what it is, and I need to move on without letting it bother me, but it does.

In addition to the aforementioned, anemia has had a detrimental impact on my dental health. I have developed a strong inclination to chew ice, which has become a recurring issue. As the condition worsens, I find myself losing focus and avoiding the activity altogether.

Having been diagnosed with anemia for three years, I have undergone three dental implants due to the damage caused by the condition. Unfortunately, the COVID-19 pandemic prevented me from scheduling the necessary laboratory tests. In June 2017, my hemoglobin level was recorded at 6.8 g/dL, leading to a hospital stay. Through three infusions, my hemoglobin level increased to 15.3 by August. In August 2018, it further rose to 12.1 g/dL, with another infusion increasing it to 15.1 g/dL. In March 2019, my hemoglobin level was 12.2 g/dL, and another infusion increased it to 16.2 g/dL.

However, in December 2019, I began experiencing discomfort. Due to a change in my insurance provider, I was only able to schedule laboratory tests after establishing a relationship with the new care provider under the new insurance program. After several months, I finally had the tests scheduled for late March 2020. Unfortunately, the COVID-19 pandemic resulted in the cancellation of the appointment. It was not until July 2020 that I was able to reschedule, and my hemoglobin level was recorded at 11.8 g/dL. Despite my medical history, the physician required a higher hemoglobin level for another infusion. Instead, they advised me to take iron tablets for several months, which unfortunately caused significant stomach pain.

In late August, I contacted my preferred provider due to persistent stomach pain and was informed that they had no available appointments until January 2021. Consequently, I anticipate that my hemoglobin level will continue to decline until I am hospitalized again. I suspect that the iron tablets may be causing stomach bleeding, which could potentially exacerbate the situation. Ultimately, I believe that the cost of treating the known issue will be significantly higher due to the insurance coverage.

Despite the challenges I am facing, I am optimistic that COVID-19 has not resulted in any fatalities among my acquaintances. I am cautious, as I am uncertain whether it is simply a matter of time before someone I care about or I myself falls victim to the virus. The absence of family members wishing me a happy birthday has also contributed to my ability to cope with the situation.

Carry on my friends, carry on!

15 weeks boring every day

Like many Americans, I’ve been working from home due to the COVID-19 virus. On my first day, I noticed a decrease in productivity because the VPN was overloaded. At the office, I have 250 Mbps, but on the VPN, 40 Mbps was a good day. As a result, my tasks take approximately 20-30% longer to complete in a typical 45-50-hour workweek.

Over the past 15 weeks, I’ve worked every day, including weekends, with an average workweek of 69.6 hours. I know this is unhealthy, but I didn’t realize I had any options besides not working. My girlfriend says they may consider my division for layoffs if we complete the job. I’m still waiting for someone to address my concern about the activity level I need to complete tasks. This is self-destructive. Fortunately, I’m aware of the impact and am taking steps to minimize it. Things can only get better. I’m glad to be employed!

In January, I switched to a PPO health insurance plan, which has increased my stress about my long-term health issues, including breathing problems, blood clot risk, and anemia. Despite being aware of these issues, I haven’t established a relationship with the new clinic or doctor. Working from home and reduced social activity may worsen my iron-deficiency anemia, which I’ve been battling for years. In 2019, I received only two infusions, an improvement from the four in 2018 and the unknown number in 2017. The last infusion was in July last year. After several weeks of experiencing fatigue, dizziness, and pale skin, I’m concerned about my health.

• Extreme fatigue and weakness
• Sleep issues
• Pale skin
• Chest pain, fast heartbeat, or shortness of breath
• Headache and dizziness
• Cold feet
• High Anxiety 
• Weight gain: Although I track all calories and nutrition and stay under 2,000 daily (high-quality calories), I have gained 25 pounds since last September.
• I have found myself chewing ice - often!

I visited my primary care physician's (PPO) clinic, Fairview in Eagan, MN, to schedule an appointment. The website stated there were no online appointments, so I called. After 25 minutes, a friendly caller informed me that they weren’t taking in-person appointments and suggested I go to the emergency room if I was concerned.

I explained that after four years of battling anemia, I could tell them to do a blood draw to check for issues. I also suggested a D-Dimmer to verify for clots. I hadn’t experienced extreme calf pain like in 2017, but other symptoms concerned me. I argued for about 20 minutes, and they set me up with a 10-minute phone consultation for the next day. I felt like he was doing me a favor.

I’ll try to get a lab referral tomorrow. I don’t expect success, but it’s better than going to the ER. With COVID, I want to avoid the hospital. If these issues don’t kill me, I’m doing my best to avoid COVID-19.

Until next time, Carry on, my friends, carry on!

Amateur I am

I enjoy photography and have often shared my photos. I strive to capture scenes and events that evoke thoughts or emotions in viewers. Sometimes, it’s a running event that conveys the athlete’s pain or effort. At other times, it’s a serene waterfall or a natural scene.

This past week, I photographed my girlfriend and her two granddaughters meeting their four-year-old baby sister for the first time. I was nervous about capturing their emotions and getting the perfect image that conveys the feeling.

Below are some of the shots; I am proud of the result.

 

What do you think?  Did they create emotion or thoughts, or are they just another image?

Carry on my friends, carry on!

Stay in place lifted!

Has the Minnesota stay-at-home order been lifted? Is this a prudent decision? There are passionate arguments on both sides of the issue. One perspective draws a parallel to war, suggesting that the affluent will go to great lengths to maintain their wealth, even if it results in loss of life. Another viewpoint questions whether we are obligated to retaliate in the face of aggression. The truth remains uncertain.

This pandemic has been challenging for everyone. I’ve been sensitive to my co-workers’ mental health and tried to support them. But I’m starting to think this lockdown time is making me depressed. Working from home has reduced my average workweek to under 70 hours. Maybe it’s burnout, not depression. My feelings are more than“I feel bad” or “I’m angry.” I feel like I’m trapped in a dark room. I ask myself, “Why don’t you pick yourself up?” But I don’t answer; I only ask.

I totally get that when things don’t go as planned at work or if our leaders aren’t doing their best, it can really bring us down. The daily hustle can be tough on all of us. And it’s no surprise that mental health short-term disability claims are climbing by 10% each year, according to the Center for Workplace Mental Health. The mental toll of a depressed work environment can really add up. Depression is a big reason why we’re not as productive as we could be in the U.S., and I recently read that the annual cost is between $40 and $50 billion.

Studies indicate that employers incur a significant financial loss, amounting to 27 workdays per depressed employee. Notably, two-thirds of this loss is attributed to “presenteeism,” a phenomenon where individuals are physically present at work but exhibit reduced productivity. There is a well-established correlation between work stress and depression. This relationship arises from the acute stress experienced during specific tasks, such as meeting occasional deadlines or delivering significant presentations. These stressors effectively trigger the body’s fight-or-flight response, which can enhance performance. Conversely, chronic stress, characterized by constant deadlines or exposure to high-pressure situations, is associated with depression, cardiovascular diseases, elevated blood pressure, and type II diabetes.

As a supervisor, I recognize the positive impact this initiative has on my team. However, I must acknowledge that my leadership may not always align with this approach. In certain situations, I find myself lacking control as the challenges escalate and the complexities intensify.

In light of these circumstances, I am seeking clarification on the following:

1. Is it advisable for me to return to the office?
2. Is it safe to refuel my vehicle?
3. Is it prudent to visit a medical professional?

I am currently five weeks overdue for my last iron count test. While my anemia has improved, I still require occasional infusions (three last year). I am experiencing a resurgence of low iron levels, leading me to question whether it is safer to refrain from medical attention.

Confusion and instability grow, and I am still trying to figure out the correct answer?

Carry on my friends, carry on!

Family, yea they care?

Over 31 years ago, my ex-wife’s labor began in earnest on an April evening in 1989. Over 30 hours later, a child was born during Murphy Brown. I’ve always wanted to freeze time, capturing the perfection of a toothy giggle or a cozy morning snuggle forever. But such is parenthood: many things are beyond our control, which is both liberating and terrifying. Weekends are a dress rehearsal for empty nest syndrome: the children sleep all day and disappear in the evenings. I wouldn’t know they lived here if they didn’t take money from my pockets.

Fast-forward 31 years, and I’m lonely. My girlfriend preaches about the importance of family, saying my lack of appreciation is unfortunate. But family is important, yet we’re all individuals who prioritize ourselves. My girlfriend’s daughter had a baby girl, which brought her great delight. Despite living in Cincinnati, Ohio, and us in Minnesota, her daughter moved back to Minnesota with joy when her only grandchild was a year old.

Since then, she has welcomed two more grandchildren, which has brought immense joy to her life. She consistently emphasizes the significance of family and describes this period as a heavenly experience. However, she was subsequently informed of their impending relocation to Tennessee. This news deeply saddened my girlfriend, who spent several weeks in a state of emotional distress due to the imminent move. Her happiness diminished significantly, and this has had a profound impact on her well-being. We had briefly discussed the matter, and approximately a month has passed since an old friend reached out to her. During their conversation, she recounted her exceptional time spent with her grandchildren, which prompted her to burst into tears.

I am not much help, as I reminded her of what I said when they moved here. People often prioritize their desires for adventure over their families, leading to eventual departure. She said her family is close, and they would not do that. Now, she's wrong.

I guarantee her grandchildren will be sad not seeing Grammy several times a month. However, it confirms my statement that a family is often secondary to each individual's desires. I've been there, chasing self-improvement and advancement over the family. As I age, I see things differently, and that is a fact.

My primary point in this discussion is to emphasize the inherent uncertainty of life. While individuals may come and go, certain individuals will remain etched in our memories. Physical ailments may subside, and weight loss may appear unattainable. However, the only certainty lies in our ability to shape our destinies, albeit rarely at the expense of our families.

Families have evolved, becoming more distinct from their counterparts of fifty years ago. I am concerned that relationships and family dynamics have declined over the past several decades, and I lack optimism regarding any potential for improvement.

In light of this, I find myself frustrated to witness someone I hold dear frequently shedding tears due to the actions of the individual she typically refers to as the daughter who prioritizes family. While I acknowledge the significance of family, I must admit that I occasionally exhibit a lack of empathy and compassion. Consequently, I have expressed my perspective that the notion of family’s paramount importance is not a reality.

CARRY ON MY FRIENDS, CARRY ON

I am alive

Life has become more challenging in the modern age. Working long hours, often exceeding 50, has caused immense stress and poor sleep. This exhaustion hinders maintaining a healthy weight and overall well-being.

Research links sleep restriction to negative metabolic changes. Adults sleeping four hours a night, compared to ten, experience increased hunger and appetite. Observational studies also suggest a link between sleep restriction and obesity. Sleep duration may affect hormones regulating hunger, such as ghrelin and leptin, or lead to fatigue and decreased physical activity.

I’ve noticed that fatigue often makes me emotional. The past three years have been difficult for my girlfriend, as her mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s four years ago and deteriorated until her passing last summer.

This morning, I heard about Glen Campbell’s last song, “I am not going to miss you.” I started crying. It’s unheard of for someone to write such lyrics knowing it would be their final time with us after being diagnosed. The lyrics are:

February 20 ››

February 21

 

That sleep pattern is not healthy.  Research suggests an association between sleep restriction and negative changes in metabolism.  In adults, sleeping four hours a night, compared with 10 hours a night, increases hunger and appetite.  I can verify that issue!

Observational studies also suggest a link between sleep restriction and obesity.  One explanation might be that sleep duration affects hormones regulating hunger — ghrelin and leptin.  Another contributing factor might be that lack of sleep leads to fatigue and results in less physical activity.

One thing I know is when I get tired, I get emotional.  As some may know, the past three years have been trying for my girlfriend as her mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's about four years ago and degraded until she passed last summer.

This morning, I heard about the last song Glen Campbell wrote, "I am not going to miss you." I just started to cry.  For him to write that knowing it would be the result of his final time with us after being diagnosed is unheard of in society.  The lyrics are:

I'm still here, but yet I'm gone

I don't play guitar or sing my songs

They never defined who I am

The man that loves you 'til the end

You're the last person I will love

You're the last face I will recall

And best of all, I'm not gonna miss you

Not gonna miss you

I'm never gonna hold you like I did

Or say I love you to the kids

You're never gonna see it in my eyes

It's not gonna hurt me when you cry

I'm never gonna know what you go through

All the things I say or do

All the hurt and all the pain

One thing selfishly remains

I'm not gonna miss you

I'm not gonna miss you

If you want to see it on YouTube, check it out here.

I am trying to get this under control. When I retire, it will be more comfortable, as the political environment and job stress are at an all-time high!

On the exercise side, I purchased a Wahoo KiCKR indoor trainer to get a few hundred bike miles monthly.  I'm looking forward to being outside in a few weeks.

I will do regular entries, but I don't have time.  They say it reduces stress, and I may try it!

Carry on my friends, carry on!

Some people are self centered

I’m really impressed by the people I’m around, but it feels like they’re just going through the motions. Like my girlfriend, who thinks she’s super responsible and dedicated, but she’s not really dependable. She said she’d be home by 6:00 PM, so I left work to be home by 5:30 PM. I’ll be there when she gets home, which is at 7:15 PM. But when I get home, I forget something and ask if she can drop it off on her way to work (just a quick 5-minute detour), and she acts like I’ve just asked her to do the impossible. So, I drive 20 minutes home to grab what I need and then drive back 20 minutes.

This is happening with most things we’re involved in. I had a flat tire on my bike and asked if she could pick me up on the way home, and she complained. It’s so frustrating because I feel like we’re supposed to support each other in a relationship, but I don’t feel supported at all. It’s the same with my son. It just breaks my heart!

I’ve been trying to find a better work-life balance. I’ve been working fewer than 50 hours a week in the past couple of weeks. I still hate going to the office, and it’s getting hard to control my anger about what I have to do. Plus, I feel like I’m not getting any support!

Part of that is helping my girlfriend’s son-in-law build a wall and patio! It’s such a tough job, and my back is starting to hurt really badly. One more weekend will finish the job.

I’ve been feeling more frustrated lately because I really want more time for photography and other things I used to enjoy. Right now, as I’ve said before, I hate everything.

Carry on my friends, carry on!