Cleaning out the photo files

Annually, I meticulously organize my photo files. While I capture approximately 3,000 photographs with my digital camera, I ultimately retain only about 500. As I sift through numerous cherished images, I am delighted to share a few that resonate deeply with me, not only for their aesthetic appeal but also for the narratives they convey.

Here they are: (Click on the photo to see a larger, more vivid photo)

Unique running outfit	Brian questions his footing
Dejected DNF look	Bloody nose aftermath

Colorado sunset

Another year’s end is here, and time flies when you’re having fun, right? As I approach 2011, I’ve got a few questions that might have some answers. I’m almost 50, and I can’t help but wonder why everyone seems to be getting older around me. 

Why do people call 50 the Middle Aged? Does that mean I’ll live to be 100? I doubt it! If I’m only as young as I felt when I was 50, how come I have all these worn-out parts? If I get my parts updated, will I become the Man of Steel? And why do I keep asking this body to hurry up when, in reality, I’m slowing down?

I have questions as I reflect on the past year and many past years. Although I can honestly say I have learned a few things about life in general:

• No matter how bad someone treats you, they are human, and we must learn to forgive.
• I cannot solve all my problems, so I must stop trying to solve other people's problems.
• Always put a "No Trespassing" sign above your "welcome" mat.
• Worry works; everything I worry about seems not to happen.
• If I pluck all my gray hairs so as not to become gray, I will be bald.
• Plucking those hairs from my ears and nose is easier than finding them.
• When I was 19, I knew everything; there was no need to ask. By the time I was 30, there was more to know. But by the time I was 40, my kid knew everything and corrected all my mistakes. I am pushing 50 now, and I know I have much more to learn.
• Every day is a struggle, yet I wake up each morning thankful to be alive and given another day to get it right.
• I am blessed to have still all God's blessings: Sight, Sound, Touch, Taste, and Smell.
• I am thankful that I have met and had many people in my life.
• Other people's pets have taught me more about God's love than 1,000 sermons!

If I wait to post for the rest of the year, thanks for reading (and enjoying or suffering) my thoughts this year. In the meantime, here’s something to think about:

“People get all riled up about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they should really be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.”

“Wage war on your vices; be at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better person.”

Carry on, my friends, carry on!

Comments from my original blog - I merged the blogs.

Mike W.

Good post, I enjoyed it. That is a gorgeous sunset. Have a great new year, looking forward to seeing you on the trails. Sunday, December 26, 2010 at 11:07:07 AM CST

SteveQ

The guy in the first photo (I think his name's "Bud") at least was wearing shoes in that photo; he was in the forefront of the barefoot fad. I may have to steal your photo of me at Afton; there are only three photos of me anywhere in 2010!  Hope to see you (and your camera) on the trails in the spring. Monday, December 27, 2010 at 10:12:44 AM CST

Beth

Thanks for the wonderful pictures and thoughts. I hope 2011 brings you health and happiness! Tuesday, December 28, 2010 at 9:54:35 PM CST

What, it's December 23rd! HOW?

Time flies as we age. I recall September vividly. Adding workouts to my 70-hour work weeks has sped up the time. I wake up, go to work, work through lunch, and leave at about 7. About three days a week, I work out. I feel great and want to do it more. But how? I could wake up at 5:30 AM and head to the gym. I attempted it one day, but by 7 PM, I was too exhausted to go. I’m not sure what the best solution is, but I’m glad I’m still trying. In these stressful times, it’s so much easier to give up.

Last weekend, I picked up my son in Colorado. It was a completely different experience from anything I’ve had before. He’s also stressed out. For the first time since my divorce over a decade ago, he started yelling at me about things, including the divorce and my parenting. It was definitely an uncomfortable experience. Sometimes, it’s hard to forget the harsh words of others, even if they were spoken out of anger and not meant to be as harsh as they were perceived. This is a lesson I took a long time to learn, and he’s following in my footsteps.

I might be taking things too personally. Life’s a constant cycle of work, sleep, cleaning, and more work. I feel like I’ve lost my way. I recently spoke to a woman who had just gotten out of prison, and she said life was better there. Sure, she lost freedom, but she also had no time or much less freedom in her free life.

However, when my son launched into a verbal attack, it was tough. One thing I’m most proud of is being a dad. I’ve always given and continue to give everything I can to help him improve and become a better man. However, that was just one of many reasons I failed in various aspects, including relationships and self-preservation. I learned the hard way that there needs to be a balance in all aspects of life. That’s what being a Type A does to a person.

I also made a mistake. When I washed the five loads of clothes he had built up, bleach got on a few of his favorite shirts—another black eye on that one. But then again, I goofed up, and I need to figure out how to fix it.

I’ve been getting many questions about Grandma’s Marathon. My heart isn’t in it. I long for trails but clearly despise the road. I said I’d go with someone who thought they’d struggle to finish and help them through. Last year, I completed 15 miles from January through June, so mentally, I’m fine. However, that’s becoming increasingly difficult, as I dislike running the same course year after year.

Tomorrow’s Christmas Eve, and guess what? My son’s coming home! I’ve set up this giant three-foot-tall tree, and it’s hilarious to see all the presents hiding under it. But hey, at least it’s easier to take down, right? I hope 2011 doesn’t rush by like 2010. I need to make some changes and get back on track.

There are so many paths to take, and I still don’t have a clear plan. So, I’ll keep trusting my instincts and being open to changing directions if I think I’m going the wrong way. In the past, I kept pushing through, but as I've grown older, I've realized it’s better to admit my mistakes and try something new. That way, I’m sure I’ll eventually find the right path. But hey, as my friend always says, Mother Nature can change things at any time, so I’ll have to be patient and keep learning and growing.

Carry on, my friends.

Expectations

I was working out with a friend who felt like an outsider looking in. She said her husband was next to her, but there was a glass wall between them, except for infrequent intimacy. At her new job, she felt like an outsider. With her overachieving family, she felt left behind. With most workout friends, she felt less than adequate.

A consistent point was that she felt neglected. I asked her what they had done to make her feel that way. She said they don’t smile or say hello and are just there without any appreciation for her efforts. I explained that I understood what she meant because I had been there as well, and in some ways, I still am. I suggested she read “The Cost of Living,” a collection of stories between 1951 and 1971. http://www.randomhouse.com/catalog/display.pperl?isbn=9781590173275. This book isn’t about women with perfect exteriors—their hair was styled perfectly, their manicures never chipped, their voices were soft and silky, and they never said the wrong thing. Instead, the author writes about draggled laces, sagging hems, and undone ribbons. Her stories about everyday women and heroines are about the awkward, the hopeless, the immature, and the ones on the outside of womanhood looking in, just like her and many others. I told her I didn’t think it would be a revelation, but it was a good read.

I will wait to hear any comments if she reads it.

This preconceived notion held that we possess a certain level of self-worth and a specific amount of resources before we expect to reap benefits from our efforts. It’s the expectation within us that often leads to disappointment. For instance, I set an unrealistic goal of completing a marathon in less than four hours, only to realize that I had exceeded the performance of over 99.6% of all humans, as revealed in a study conducted in 2007. While it’s commendable to celebrate such achievements, my expectations were the root cause of my disappointment.

This pattern repeats itself in my life. I set expectations, only to experience significant disappointments. My next 15-minute per-mile run or jog should be a joyous experience, simply because it’s a successful run. While I’m still doing more than the majority of the world, I’m not achieving anything compared to my friends.

Carry on my friends.

Comments from my original blog - I merged the blogs.

Steve

A very enlightening post, Londell. As a perfectionist, I, too, suffer this syndrome often. This past year, I've learned to 'let go' and try to just enjoy life and each experience for what it is. This has been particularly important being the parent of a five year-old and having to had to deal with an injury which prevented me from running as fast and long as I normally could. I still have a ways to go, but I'm making progress, which is the most important thing. Keep up the great posts. They always get me thinking. Happy Holidays!!  Sunday, December 12, 2010 at 7:46:27 PM CST

Beth

Interesting that the reasons she gave for her feelings were things that everyone else was doing. They needed to do all of the right things. I think "waking up" and feeling connected has more to do with how we behave and think and less to do with others. It may be safer to keep up the wall of glass.  Thanks for the thought-provoking post! Monday, December 13, 2010 at 9:38:10 PM CST

Feeling positive

Over the Thanksgiving weekend, I had a fulfilling time with my son, who arrived on Wednesday evening. Despite working nine hours on Thanksgiving Day and an additional 34 hours from Friday through Sunday, I cherished the opportunity to spend quality time with him.

We secured tickets for the Gopher/Iowa game through a friend and attended the event. Despite the chilly weather, the experience was enjoyable. Additionally, my son had the chance to spend time with his extended family, including his aunt, uncle, niece, nephew, and grandparents.

For those unfamiliar with him, my son is currently pursuing his studies at the Colorado School of Mines in Golden, Colorado. Returning home allows him to catch up on sleep. At the age of 21, he possesses remarkable qualities and has demonstrated exceptional athleticism. Notably, he has twice assisted me in running Grandma’s, although he occasionally outpaced me. Furthermore, he continues to excel in tennis, as evidenced by his performance on the club tennis page. 

Here is a brief biography of the individual:

On Thanksgiving Day in 1994, an event would profoundly alter his life and the lives of those around him. We were visiting my father’s farm, where he had undergone a right-hand amputation. He is incredibly fortunate to have survived this ordeal. Remarkably, he has never succumbed to grief and has achieved great success due to his unwavering positive attitude. Of course, attitude plays a pivotal role in one’s life. For further evidence, I recommend visiting the website: http://www.attitudeisaltitude.com/.

However, he acquired his current attitude and sense of balance from his grandfather, his mother, Neal Halberg, Tommy Valentini, Steve Wilkenson, and many others. Parents cannot raise a child to success alone; they rely on the support of others. Numerous individuals contributed to his transformation into the accomplished man he is today.

Despite the recent events, I found solace in spending time with loved ones this weekend. While I have experienced fewer tears in the years since the accident, the loss of cherished ones this year has been particularly poignant. It is remarkable how some individuals remain sheltered from the hardships of life.

For instance, Shelley has never experienced the loss of a human loved one. Despite facing significant challenges with two of her three beloved pets, she has managed to cope with their passing.

This weekend was both challenging and joyful, as I welcomed my son home. Listening to familiar songs on the radio brought back memories, and I found myself shedding tears when Dana’s favorite songs played. I admit that my reaction may have been perceived as unusual at the stoplight.

As many of you are aware, Dana had a profound impact on my life, and her untimely passing has left a lasting void.

Recently, I have been deeply affected by several tragic events. Firstly, a close friend committed suicide, followed by the loss of two others in a car accident. Later, in the late 1980s, my nephew drowned in a shallow body of water. These losses have had a profound impact on me this weekend.

Despite the immense pain and sorrow these events have caused, expressing my emotions through a good cry can provide temporary relief. The positive feeling that arises from a heartfelt cry often helps to alleviate the emotional burden. However, the loss of a great friend remains a challenging experience. I acknowledge that there have been many significant losses in my life, and there will undoubtedly be more in the future. Nevertheless, I strive to remember the most cherished moments with these friends, which often bring a sense of comfort and joy.

In 1988, I had a close friend who grew apart from me. This separation was challenging to accept, but when I see them thriving and happy, it brings a sense of fulfillment. Life presents us with various challenges, but as a resilient individual, I refuse to let them overwhelm me. I seize each opportunity and strive to make the most of it, just as a skilled catcher catches a ball and returns it for another pitch.

Today, I engaged in a conversation with an individual who inquired about the frequency of my laughter. In response, I expressed that I laugh daily because I can do so. Laughter has been recognized for its positive impact on one’s health. It is believed that laughing heartily for ten minutes can be equivalent to ten minutes of moderate jogging.

Reflecting on my day, which involved several emotional moments, I contemplated the potential benefits of crying. While it is true that we all experience moments of tears, it is worth considering the significance of crying. For those who claim to have never cried, I assert that their lives lack a certain depth and fulfillment.

The act of crying has a profound effect on me, prompting me to prioritize my physical well-being. This emotional release will likely motivate me to attend the gym more frequently. As I conclude this post, I am filled with a sense of anticipation, knowing that my son’s departure tomorrow will be met with a brighter outlook for many reasons. His return to school after a brief absence will undoubtedly be a positive experience.

Carry on, my friends.

Another run, fatigue, memory loss and etc.

I completed another 2-mile run, which was relatively enjoyable. While the process was somewhat unpleasant, the sense of accomplishment upon completion was gratifying. The Strassburg sock has proven beneficial in alleviating Plantar Fasciitis (PF) symptoms, although I experience a peculiar toe pain in the morning. Despite this, I would prioritize the toe pain over the morning PF pain.

Larry and Colleen Pedersen can benefit from a tennis match next weekend. My son’s visiting from Colorado, and I’ll miss it. If you want to meet great people, help them, and burn off post-Thanksgiving calories, check it out!

A friend suggested the Wild West Relay. If I return next year, I might have my son and others try it. It’s 36 legs and 200 miles, with several 7-12 team runners. Entry is about $1,300. I like the Flatliners (all runners live below 2,500 feet). Minnesota qualifies! They have structured formats, such as Helter Skelter, where anyone can run whatever they can. Leave Fort Collins and head to Wyoming, then southwest, over the mountains! Any interest?

Consider the Colorado Relay for a shorter race. Both sound exciting! This event can motivate me. I have a few weeks to work at least 70 hours, so I’ll tackle one week at a time. Have a great Thanksgiving and take care of yourselves. Before I start, a cartoon sent to me by a friend puts all this talk about the "pat down" in a different perspective. See to the right.

I lose my memory after a third week of 75-80 hour workweeks, including Saturdays and Sundays, with over 26 hours on those days on successive weekends. I used to worry, but I no longer do. Remarkably, people tell me what I accomplished, and I look at them like, “Where have I been?”

I started to compare this to my long-running efforts, and wow, I’ve had some training runs that have lasted over 20 hours! As I look back, I recall a common phenomenon: once I reach a certain level of fatigue, my body enters a kind of autopilot mode before it crashes.

Like the 2008 ST 100 attempt, I recall so much of the race until about 4 a.m. (20 hours after the start). Then the memories fade, and by the 25th hour, I am totally unaware of what happened. My mind just shut down. When I quit at 28 hours, my mind regained control of the body, and that was the end.

In these long weeks, I have found the same thing. I go into autopilot. I float along. I am much more productive when I am aware of my surroundings. It is an interesting phenomenon. It would be interesting to study it. However, I sadly do not recall who I spoke to or what I said. This could be dangerous. However, the consensus of others is that my facts are significantly accurate and that I can answer much more detailed questions on the fly. This is just strange.

Taking an extra vitamin B12 supplement can help reduce this activity. I used to take a Multiple B vitamin daily, but I’ve been skipping it lately. I should consider taking it for two weeks and tracking my progress, as I have two more challenging weeks ahead before returning to a 50-hour workweek. Sometimes it’s frustrating, but I’m glad to work through this job difficulty. Many friends would love to be in my situation, so I’m not complaining; it's just the facts.

I just read a sad article about Mike Broderick, who was 53 when he passed away on November 4, 2010. He was a remarkable athlete, having completed the Western States 100 in August, the 50K Green Lakes Endurance Run, and a marathon and half-marathon in September. Sadly, he battled aggressive lung cancer.

Mike, a lawyer, decided to pursue his passions for running, coaching, and teaching. His knowledge of running was so extensive that he became a sought-after coach. I only had the chance to meet him once, and he reminded me of myself with a bit of a lack of tact, but we were also funny and charismatic. There’s that remarkable trait of finding happiness in running, no matter the outcome—whether you’re first, last, or somewhere in between.

One website posted an email from Mike that read:

"It turns out that the shortness of breath and other symptoms I have been experiencing over the past several weeks are not due to pneumonia. I apparently have lung cancer and am now in the process of further testing and evaluation to determine the extent to which it may have spread and to begin a course of treatment."

He died just weeks later.

As we age, we all come to perceive life as inherently precious. It is during such moments that I find myself compelled to reflect upon my own reflection, not as a fat, unfit runner, but as an individual who has been granted another breath, step, and moment to either cherish or squander.

May we all cherish our loved ones, friends, and even those we may not like on Thanksgiving..

I want to close with a story I heard today:

A man was running behind an Amish Carriage which had a bumper sticker that read:

"Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on grass and oats."

This was on one bumper, and on the other, it read:

"CAUTION: AVOID THE EXHAUST!"

Carry on, my friends, carry on!

Comments from my original blog - I merged the blogs.

Beth

Very sad about the loss of someone who had so much to give. Yet another reminder that life is precious. I hope your work schedule settles down so that you can get some rest and enjoy the precious. Take care and Happy Thanksgiving.  Friday, November 26, 2010 at 5:51:04 PM CST