Time flies as we age. I recall September vividly. Adding workouts to my 70-hour work weeks has sped up the time. I wake up, go to work, work through lunch, and leave at about 7. About three days a week, I work out. I feel great and want to do it more. But how? I could wake up at 5:30 AM and head to the gym. I attempted it one day, but by 7 PM, I was too exhausted to go. I’m not sure what the best solution is, but I’m glad I’m still trying. In these stressful times, it’s so much easier to give up.
Last weekend, I picked up my son in Colorado. It was a completely different experience from anything I’ve had before. He’s also stressed out. For the first time since my divorce over a decade ago, he started yelling at me about things, including the divorce and my parenting. It was definitely an uncomfortable experience. Sometimes, it’s hard to forget the harsh words of others, even if they were spoken out of anger and not meant to be as harsh as they were perceived. This is a lesson I took a long time to learn, and he’s following in my footsteps.
I might be taking things too personally. Life’s a constant cycle of work, sleep, cleaning, and more work. I feel like I’ve lost my way. I recently spoke to a woman who had just gotten out of prison, and she said life was better there. Sure, she lost freedom, but she also had no time or much less freedom in her free life.
However, when my son launched into a verbal attack, it was tough. One thing I’m most proud of is being a dad. I’ve always given and continue to give everything I can to help him improve and become a better man. However, that was just one of many reasons I failed in various aspects, including relationships and self-preservation. I learned the hard way that there needs to be a balance in all aspects of life. That’s what being a Type A does to a person.
I also made a mistake. When I washed the five loads of clothes he had built up, bleach got on a few of his favorite shirts—another black eye on that one. But then again, I goofed up, and I need to figure out how to fix it.
I’ve been getting many questions about Grandma’s Marathon. My heart isn’t in it. I long for trails but clearly despise the road. I said I’d go with someone who thought they’d struggle to finish and help them through. Last year, I completed 15 miles from January through June, so mentally, I’m fine. However, that’s becoming increasingly difficult, as I dislike running the same course year after year.
Tomorrow’s Christmas Eve, and guess what? My son’s coming home! I’ve set up this giant three-foot-tall tree, and it’s hilarious to see all the presents hiding under it. But hey, at least it’s easier to take down, right? I hope 2011 doesn’t rush by like 2010. I need to make some changes and get back on track.
There are so many paths to take, and I still don’t have a clear plan. So, I’ll keep trusting my instincts and being open to changing directions if I think I’m going the wrong way. In the past, I kept pushing through, but as I've grown older, I've realized it’s better to admit my mistakes and try something new. That way, I’m sure I’ll eventually find the right path. But hey, as my friend always says, Mother Nature can change things at any time, so I’ll have to be patient and keep learning and growing.
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