Approximately six years ago, I experienced a shift in my mindset. On Sunday afternoons, I would begin contemplating the imminent arrival of Monday. This shift occurred after a fulfilling Saturday spent outdoors, devoid of work-related thoughts. I cherished weekends as a means of respite from the weekly routine.
The office employed a total of nine professional staff members and two administrative staff members. However, the economic downturn gradually led to the departure of employees from their positions. Consequently, the reasons for maintaining a fully staffed office diminished. In 2012, the office was able to return to a seven-staff and two-administrative position. Overall, the office was operating with two positions (approximately 20% fewer) compared to its peak in 2006.
In 2013, the economy experienced a resurgence, leading to an increased workload. Three long-term staff members departed after 2010, and the positions were filled by new, talented professionals who required substantial training. Consequently, I began working weekends.
I would track my working hours and divide them by the number of weeks. If I took a vacation week, I would have zero hours worked, but still include that week when dividing the total. In 2012, my average workweek was just over 74 hours, although that included my tennis work. In 2013, I no longer completed tennis work; the average decreased to 60 hours a week. In 2014, I managed to reduce my hours to 55 a week. So far, in 2015, my average is 53 hours a week. Recall that this is the actual average of hours per week, regardless of whether I was on vacation. I have taken 6 days of vacation so far this year for surgery and one for heart-related issues.
In 2013, I started working every other weekend. I lost track of the days of the week. I no longer felt stressed when the weekend ended, as it never started. In 2014, I had 19 of 104 Saturdays and Sundays off. This sounds crazy and embarrassing to admit. What good is that high-paying job if it is killing me from within? What do I mean?
My job entails a constant struggle against my desires. My mind is confined to the confines of the workplace. Is employee development a lost art, or has robot training become the norm? Employers care less and less about your personal growth and concerns. They prioritize their own interests, often stretching the truth a little to secure your employment. However, once you are in, they find there is too much “real work” to be done, and the only time available to work on projects I enjoy is on my own time.
My employer has good intentions, but they need to improve by reducing the workload for their understaffed team. They have yet to comprehend the value of our daily accomplishments. Additionally, there are the dreaded closed-door sessions to which only the top brass are invited, where they appear to keep secrets.
Today, a crucial member of my team resigned. This news fills me with dread, as I anticipate a return to 72-hour (or more) workweeks. I already feel exhausted and depleted from several years of high stress and unrealistic expectations. I am uncertain about my next steps, but I have managed to complete 30 consecutive Grandma’s Marathons due to my unwavering determination. While some may argue that this attitude is detrimental to my well-being, I am too stubborn and unyielding to consider any alternative. Is any job or self-worth in a job truly worthwhile? I am uncertain, but we are pushed to the brink of exhaustion, leaving me no time to contemplate this matter. Can a job truly be fatal?
All you quiet dreamers, carry on!
Comments from my original blog - I merged the blogs.
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