Despite my significant accomplishments, I have also experienced numerous setbacks. My relationship with my child has deteriorated, likely due to my own shortcomings. I have failed in several romantic endeavors, and I believe this is directly related to my relentless pursuit of success, which may have clouded my judgment and led to a loss of perspective. I have been overly critical of myself for various reasons. As I mentioned months ago, I now experience regular chest pains, and the cardiac specialist has presented me with several options. Unfortunately, my condition has not improved, and I do not anticipate any major concerns if this persists. I must take immediate action to address this issue.
My successes have shaped my perception of what success means. Like many individuals, I aspire to achieve greatness and embody positive qualities. However, I question whether I truly comprehend the meaning of “Great” or “Good” in the context of one’s life. I once came across an article containing advice from Mark Twain for leading a fulfilling life. The article included the following tips:
- Approve yourself, as a man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
- Your limitations may be in your mind, as age is often a matter of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
- Lighten up and have fun, as humor is one of mankind's greatest blessings. He also said that against the assault of laughter, nothing could stand.
- Let go of anger, as anger is an acid that can harm the vessel in which it is stored more than anything on which it is poured.
- Releasing yourself from entitlement means not saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing, as it was here first.
- If you're taking a different path, prepare for reactions.
- Keep your focus steadily on what you want.
- Don't focus so much on making yourself feel good. The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
- Do what you want to do, as 20 years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did.
Regrettably, I did not recognize the significance of these insights during my twenties. I was convinced of my superior knowledge, which led to perceptions of arrogance and a lack of tact from others. Ironically, it was this arrogance and abruptness that proved instrumental in navigating the challenges of my tumultuous youth.
Why do we acquire a deeper understanding of life only when it is nearing its end? In retrospect, I wonder if my expectations were overly high. I am compelled to ponder whether I have compromised my worthiness for something less than what I truly deserve. Frequently, I set myself up for failure by exerting excessive effort in a manner that is not reciprocated by others. I aspired to numerous goals, yet I remained uncertain about whether I would find satisfaction with or without each one. I had innumerable aspirations, and most of them have been realized. However, I find myself at a juncture where I lack clear goals and am losing the motivation to improve myself. My weight has reached an all-time high, and my desire has plummeted to an all-time low.
When will I cease striving for more and appreciate what I possess? As a competitive individual, I am perpetually driven by a desire to excel, not necessarily to surpass others. During my last participation, I engaged in an internal struggle, constantly striving to surpass my previous achievements. I have become an overachiever who possesses everything I require, yet I fail to recognize this due to my relentless pursuit of self-improvement.
I must strive towards personal fulfillment, even if progress is not linear. I do not require constant improvement over previous achievements. This high-stress, self-defeating internal competition is detrimental to my well-being. While my experiences have instilled resilience and perseverance, they have also fostered negative traits such as stubbornness, pride, and excessive competitiveness. If I do not modify my behavior, it will ultimately lead to my downfall. I already perceive a growing sense of detachment and diminished appreciation from those around me, which is the most distressing aspect of this history. Despite my awareness of the consequences, I continue to follow the same path. The path is unhealthy, and I am uncertain of how to alter this self-destructive trajectory.
Wake up, Londell, WAKE UP!
http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2015/03/02/377569413/can-family-secrets-make-you-sick. I consider myself fortunate in that I removed myself from my abusive family of origin during my teen years and was gifted to be assisted in my journey of healing by some caring adults during that time, and since. It is an ongoing process and we each take our own path. Tuesday, March 3, 2015 at 11:57:58 PM CST
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