Bleeding Ulcer, SH*%!

Feeling run down, I blamed my attempt to get back into shape. I learned to lounge and gradually regain my fitness, rather than pushing myself to play as if I were in peak condition. However, as I age, I yearn for the health of my younger self, leading to routine scenarios where I feel run-down and blame various circumstances.

Earlier this week, after dinner, I hid in my room due to intense stomach pain. It was excruciating! I visited the doctor for help. I have recurring extreme stomach pain and indigestion. I suspected it might be from the OTC sleep medicine and the daily need for ibuprofen. There’s extreme tenderness in my belly, so I underwent additional examination and testing.

The stool revealed occult blood, detectable only through chemical tests. The doctor explained that fatigue and tiredness stemmed from bleeding. The stomach combines food and digestive juices, initiating the digestive process. A protective lining shields it from digestive enzymes. Damage to this lining causes inflammation and pain, potentially leading to bleeding in the stomach or duodenum.

Red blood cells transport oxygen to organs. A low red blood cell count can cause fatigue, weakness, lack of energy, shortness of breath, chest discomfort, and lightheadedness when standing up quickly. This occurs because the body struggles to deliver oxygen-carrying red blood cells to the brain, which subsides after a few seconds as the body adapts or sits down.

Chronic inflammation resulted in the formation of a small crater, or ulcer, in the gastrointestinal tract. I experienced occasional black tarry stools. Through endoscopy, a source of bleeding was identified, and the blood vessels were cauterized.

Currently, I am advised to avoid aspirin and ibuprofen. Lansoprazole has been prescribed to reduce stomach acid secretion and facilitate healing. The effectiveness of these measures will be evident in the near future, as I have not experienced any improvement in my condition today. I will continue to manage my health one day at a time.

I am aware that diet plays a crucial role in treating bleeding ulcers. The following nutrients and foods should be incorporated into a diet:

• Vitamin A: Apricots, cheese, carrots, cantaloupe, eggs, spinach, mangoes, sweet potato, and milk
• Vitamin C: Mangoes, peas, melons, beans, oranges, cabbage, milk, berries, potatoes, yogurt, lemons, pork, beef, liver, mussels, and chicken.
• Vitamin E: Spinach and other leafy greens, Egg yolk, peanuts, mangoes, and kiwis.
• Zinc: Dairy products, peas, and oranges

My foods to avoid are:

• Pepper
• Chili
• Caffeine
• Fried and oily food
• Chocolate

Let's see if I am intelligent and disciplined enough to conquer this pain.

Carry on, my friends, carry on…

Is no 31st Grandmas depressing?

In light of my recent experiences, I am contemplating whether I will be able to complete the 31^st consecutive Grandma’s Marathon. Having participated in the event for 30 consecutive years, I have reached a point where I lack the motivation to even attempt the 31st. Additionally, I am currently in the most physically unfit condition of my life. Furthermore, my heart issues and high stress levels have made life increasingly challenging.

I have noticed that when individuals experience negative self-perception, those close to them often become critical and exacerbate their feelings of inadequacy. It is possible that I am interpreting the words of support as criticism.

Today, I encountered a compelling story that prompted me to reflect on various aspects of life. The story centered around a teacher addressing his middle school class.

She explained that a cruise ship had an accident at sea.  On board were a couple who, after reaching the lifeboat, realized there was only space left.  No way could both be saved.

At that moment, the man pushed the woman aside and jumped into the lifeboat to save himself.  The wife stood on the sinking cruise ship and shouted only one sentence to her husband.  The teacher asked the class, “What do you think she shouted?”

Answers such as “I hate you” and” Why are you doing this to me?” “Please don’t leave me,” etc.…  Throughout the angry sentences, a quiet boy was in the back of the room.  The teacher quieted the class to get the silent young man’s attention and answer her.  He replied, “Take care of our child.” 

The teacher looked surprised and said, “Have you heard this story before?” He replied, “No, that is what my momma said to my dad before she died from a disease.”

The teacher said he was right.  The man went home and raised their daughter.   It turned out that the cruise was the last vacation for the mother, who was dying of a terminal illness.  The father wrote in his diary,” How I wished I could have sank to the bottom with you, but for the sake of our daughter, I could only let you live and die alone in the sea.”

The moral of the story is that, despite the presence of good and evil in the world, many complications lie behind them, making them difficult to comprehend. Therefore, it is advisable to focus on the surface and judge others only after gaining a comprehensive understanding of their circumstances.

Individuals who pay for meals at restaurants do so not because they are wealthy but because they prioritize friendship over material possessions.

Those who offer assistance do so not because they owe you anything but because they perceive you as a genuine friend.

Individuals who engage in texting with you do so not because they lack alternative pursuits, but because you hold a significant place in their hearts.

This observation prompted me to reflect on the primary criticism I receive from most of my close friends and loved ones regarding my unwavering dedication to my professional endeavors. Those who demonstrate initiative in the workplace do so not because of a lack of intelligence, but instead because they understand the concept of accountability. I was raised with an exceptional sense of responsibility.

I often wonder whether my sense of responsibility acts as a catalyst for my success or hinders my progress. While responsibility is an essential aspect of life, the extent of my commitment can be detrimental to my personal growth. I have lost touch with my true self and the unique contributions I can make to this world.

The fear of the unknown has become a formidable obstacle, preventing me from moving forward and embracing new opportunities. I have a history of engaging in excessive exercise, becoming an overachiever, consuming excessive amounts of fiber, vitamins, and caffeine, and experiencing excessive anxiety. I am plagued by self-doubt, fearing potential neglect of my emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual well-being.

Despite my persistent search for harmony between my heart, intuition, body, and mind, I am grappling with a sense of hopelessness. However, I am determined to find peace and emotional stability.

Carry on my friends, carry on!

Stress and retirement may equal death?

This blog seems repetitive. My high-stress job is taking a toll on me, and I can’t seem to stop declining. I’ve tried various methods to reduce stress, but it just keeps piling up. I’m deeply concerned about the long-term impact on my health and lifespan. I’ve experienced six of the nine effects listed below.

On Sunday, I learned that the man who hired me and mentored me in the profession passed away from a massive heart attack. He, like me, carried his job on his shoulders, physically and mentally. He lived and breathed his job. He enjoyed retirement, and it felt like he had a new life. Despite being retired for five years and having little stress, a heart attack claimed his life.

I’ve mentioned my chest pain and arm tingle to the Doctor a few times. It’s not a real tingle, but more like a lightning bolt zipping from my shoulder down my fingers. The Doctor checks everything out, and it’s not anything to worry about. Just keep an eye on my heart. But still, I feel like I’m about to die. I’m really scared of dying from stress.

I’ve said it before: There are some things I can do to keep my job from getting worse. I’ve known for a long time that I should eat healthier and exercise more. I also know a few things about reducing job stress and living a longer life. But do I actually do them? No way! I’m working 65-hour weeks and feeling pretty burnt out, which is about to get even worse.

You know, one thing I really miss is having a wingman—or, you know, wingwomen! When things get tough, a wingman can really help me push through obstacles and ease the stress. Lt. Col. Rob “Waldo” Waldman, who’s a decorated combat fighter pilot for the Air Force and the author of “Never Fly Solo,” once said, “Teamwork and trust are super important for fighting off the missiles of fear, change, and risk that can knock even the best people off course.” My last excellent wingman (woman) was Dana. Life hasn’t been the same since she passed away! I’m feeling pretty alone and have no one to lean on at work or in life.

It’s like being all alone at night during a 100-mile run. You can’t just stop because that could be dangerous too!

Carry on my friends, carry on!

250th post! I question why I blog at all?

The motivation for this post stems from a conversation I had on Friday with a good friend from 2006-2008 who also has a blog. She asked if I still read her posts, and when I replied yes, she was unsure because I hadn’t commented in a while. I explained that I had little to comment on since she’s married, has two kids, and runs less than I do. We’ve lost some common ground, but I like to stay updated. She said she posts less now on Facebook, which I quit using last July.

I thought of my own blog. I started it in 2007 with three posts that year. Tonight would be the 250th post, averaging one post every two weeks. I posted more frequently, but between 2011 and 2013, I had 33 posts or once every five weeks. I had two surgeries and a significant bicycle crash in 2011, which resulted in a concussion. My highest post years were 2008 and 2009, with 73 and 62, respectively.

In this time of self-indulgence, I revisited my two-year-old question: “Why continue with this blog?” I wrote:

• “Bloggers have scant opportunity to collect our thoughts, to wait until events have settled and a clear pattern emerges.  We write about ourselves at a relatively fixed point in this constant interaction with the ideas and facts of the exterior world.  In this sense, the historical form closest to blogs is the diary. But with this difference, a diary is almost always a private matter. Its raw honesty, dedication to marking life as it happens, and remembering life as it was make it a terrestrial log. A few diaries are meant to be read by others, just as correspondence could be—but usually posthumously or as a way to compile facts for a more considered autobiographical rendering. But a blog, unlike a diary, is instantly public. It transforms this most personal and retrospective form into a painfully public and immediate one. It combines the confessional genre with the log form and exposes the author in a manner no author has ever been exposed.”

I don’t blog for others. Sharing my ride is a nice byproduct of documenting my thoughts, including fears and joys. Writing helps me sort out my complex life and makes my craziness seem routine. It gives me purpose and a positive emotional feeling. Unlike a diary, knowing it’s public provides accountability and improves my mental health. I’ll continue past 250 posts; they may become more interesting and allow others to share the ride.

Winter is gone! Regular bike rides to work will become a reality if I stay healthy. There are many benefits beyond financial ones.

 Carry on my friends, carry on!

Dedication, is it worth it!

Approximately six years ago, I experienced a shift in my mindset. On Sunday afternoons, I would begin contemplating the imminent arrival of Monday. This shift occurred after a fulfilling Saturday spent outdoors, devoid of work-related thoughts. I cherished weekends as a means of respite from the weekly routine.

The office employed a total of nine professional staff members and two administrative staff members. However, the economic downturn gradually led to the departure of employees from their positions. Consequently, the reasons for maintaining a fully staffed office diminished. In 2012, the office was able to return to a seven-staff and two-administrative position. Overall, the office was operating with two positions (approximately 20% fewer) compared to its peak in 2006.

In 2013, the economy experienced a resurgence, leading to an increased workload. Three long-term staff members departed after 2010, and the positions were filled by new, talented professionals who required substantial training. Consequently, I began working weekends.

I would track my working hours and divide them by the number of weeks. If I took a vacation week, I would have zero hours worked, but still include that week when dividing the total. In 2012, my average workweek was just over 74 hours, although that included my tennis work. In 2013, I no longer completed tennis work; the average decreased to 60 hours a week. In 2014, I managed to reduce my hours to 55 a week. So far, in 2015, my average is 53 hours a week. Recall that this is the actual average of hours per week, regardless of whether I was on vacation. I have taken 6 days of vacation so far this year for surgery and one for heart-related issues.

In 2013, I started working every other weekend. I lost track of the days of the week. I no longer felt stressed when the weekend ended, as it never started. In 2014, I had 19 of 104 Saturdays and Sundays off. This sounds crazy and embarrassing to admit. What good is that high-paying job if it is killing me from within? What do I mean?

My job entails a constant struggle against my desires. My mind is confined to the confines of the workplace. Is employee development a lost art, or has robot training become the norm? Employers care less and less about your personal growth and concerns. They prioritize their own interests, often stretching the truth a little to secure your employment. However, once you are in, they find there is too much “real work” to be done, and the only time available to work on projects I enjoy is on my own time.

My employer has good intentions, but they need to improve by reducing the workload for their understaffed team. They have yet to comprehend the value of our daily accomplishments. Additionally, there are the dreaded closed-door sessions to which only the top brass are invited, where they appear to keep secrets.

Today, a crucial member of my team resigned. This news fills me with dread, as I anticipate a return to 72-hour (or more) workweeks. I already feel exhausted and depleted from several years of high stress and unrealistic expectations. I am uncertain about my next steps, but I have managed to complete 30 consecutive Grandma’s Marathons due to my unwavering determination. While some may argue that this attitude is detrimental to my well-being, I am too stubborn and unyielding to consider any alternative. Is any job or self-worth in a job truly worthwhile? I am uncertain, but we are pushed to the brink of exhaustion, leaving me no time to contemplate this matter. Can a job truly be fatal?

All you quiet dreamers, carry on!

Comments from my original blog - I merged the blogs.

wildknits

I relate to this post. I never worked as many hours as you, but I left my job because it made me miserable and unable to enjoy life. I left behind wonderful colleagues and work that I enjoyed, even when challenging. When I started my previous job, there were six RNs between our two clinic sites. Over the past three years, that number decreased to two, including one administrative person with an RN degree who rarely assisted in daily work. There seems to be a disconnect between those who make hiring and firing decisions and those who perform the daily work. As a result, those of us who take responsibility and pride in our work often end up compromising our health and well-being. I chose to cut my losses. The first rule of ultras is “Do nothing fatal,” which could also apply to our work life. Saturday, April 25, 2015 at 8:08:24 AM CDT

LDP

Lisa, all so true. I really need to take your wise comment to heart!  Tuesday, April 28, 2015 at 9:16:00 PM CDT

Must start somewhere

In a previous post, I disclosed that at the age of 15, I stood at 5 feet 9 inches and weighed approximately 280 pounds. I proceeded to elaborate on my less-than-ideal childhood experiences. Currently, I am weighing 309 pounds, which is considered overweight. I am once again weary of being overweight and have reached my limit. I must embark on the journey I undertook in 2006 (when I was 44 years old). During that time, I successfully lost 100 pounds. I am determined to repeat this process.

Fitness and weight loss are perennial goals that individuals frequently discuss. We make New Year’s resolutions, watch television programs such as The Biggest Loser, purchase vitamins marketed as available at GNC, and observe advertisements for Weight Watchers. Everywhere we turn, we encounter suggestions regarding our appearance and activities. However, year after year, Americans are experiencing an increase in obesity and a decline in overall health.

One of the most significant obstacles to achieving success is the scarcity of time. My professional responsibilities are demanding and stressful, requiring me to work long hours at the office (averaging 55 hours per week) and endure the congestion of rush-hour traffic on my commute home. Consequently, I find it challenging to accomplish all my necessary and desired tasks, despite the constant need for additional time to complete them. Consequently, my exercise plans are frequently postponed, often several weeks into the following month.

I must prioritize a healthy lifestyle.  

Here are my reminders:

1. I did not get fat overnight. I cannot get fit overnight.
2. I have no trainer or support staff. I work a full-time job and live an everyday life.
3. Adopting a healthy eating lifestyle will have a significant impact on my life.
4. I will exercise with both weights and cardio activities.
5. I plan to help others through this account of my struggles and successes.

To monitor my progress, I plan to provide occasional blog updates. While I am not a fitness professional, I do not require one. My primary objective is to maintain motivation. Additionally, I have acquired another distraction to prolong my time. Amazon offered the Garmin Vivo Fit 2 at a discounted price of $59, so I decided to purchase it. It will arrive on Tuesday.

I conclude with a photograph that could have been enhanced, but it represents my initial attempt with my new 150-600 mm lens. I have been refining my bird or similar photography skills. I must remain proactive and prioritize my well-being by ensuring that my healthy activities take precedence.

All you quiet dreamers, carry on!

Wait weight, don't kill me

Weight management has consistently presented a challenge for me throughout my life. During my formative years, I was often perceived as overweight, and my physical appearance was subject to ridicule from peers. At the age of 15, I stood at 5 feet 9 inches and weighed approximately 280 pounds. Despite my awareness of the importance of mindful dietary choices, I have encountered significant difficulties in achieving weight loss. I have come to accept my current weight as a permanent state. While I strive to comprehend the underlying reasons for my struggles, complete understanding may remain elusive.

For the past quarter-century, I have been grappling with a metabolic condition. To clarify, metabolism refers to the body’s biochemical process of converting food into energy that sustains life. Nutrition encompasses proteins, carbohydrates, and fats. Digestive enzymes facilitate the breakdown of these substances, transporting them to cells for immediate energy utilization or storage in the liver, adipose tissue, and skeletal muscles for future use.

 In light of my recent research, I am concerned about the impact of imbalances in essential substances on my metabolism. I have discovered a heightened sensitivity to metabolic errors. The body requires amino acids and various proteins to function effectively. For instance, the brain necessitates calcium, potassium, and sodium to generate electrical impulses, while lipids (fats and oils) are essential for maintaining a healthy nervous system.

Metabolic disorders can arise from a deficiency of specific enzymes or vitamins that are crucial for significant chemical reactions, abnormal chemical reactions, diseases affecting the liver, pancreas, endocrine glands, or other organs, or fundamental nutritional deficiencies.

Could my current situation be attributed to a lack of knowledge? I am aware that specific organs, such as the pancreas or liver, can malfunction and lead to metabolic disorders. While I have experienced minor issues in the past, my current concern is primarily related to the heart. My sister and I share similar problems, but no other family members have experienced the same issues. Therefore, I am inclined to dismiss any genetic factors. 

I have frequently contemplated whether I may be experiencing diabetes, which is the most prevalent metabolic concern. I have consistently monitored my glucose levels, and I have maintained a level below 100 for several years. Before becoming aware of the potential issue, I had a peak of 106, which is still not an alarming level to maintain, as it is typically under 100. Although consistently in the high 90s, it should not be a cause for concern.

Despite my ongoing confusion, I am increasingly considering this possibility as my weight approaches my lifetime high of over 300 pounds. I must take immediate action to address this matter. While I have identified the problem, the challenging aspect lies in finding a solution.

All you quiet dreamers, carry on!