15 weeks boring every day

Like many Americans, I’ve been working from home due to the COVID-19 virus. On my first day, I noticed a decrease in productivity because the VPN was overloaded. At the office, I have 250 Mbps, but on the VPN, 40 Mbps was a good day. As a result, my tasks take approximately 20-30% longer to complete in a typical 45-50-hour workweek.

Over the past 15 weeks, I’ve worked every day, including weekends, with an average workweek of 69.6 hours. I know this is unhealthy, but I didn’t realize I had any options besides not working. My girlfriend says they may consider my division for layoffs if we complete the job. I’m still waiting for someone to address my concern about the activity level I need to complete tasks. This is self-destructive. Fortunately, I’m aware of the impact and am taking steps to minimize it. Things can only get better. I’m glad to be employed!

In January, I switched to a PPO health insurance plan, which has increased my stress about my long-term health issues, including breathing problems, blood clot risk, and anemia. Despite being aware of these issues, I haven’t established a relationship with the new clinic or doctor. Working from home and reduced social activity may worsen my iron-deficiency anemia, which I’ve been battling for years. In 2019, I received only two infusions, an improvement from the four in 2018 and the unknown number in 2017. The last infusion was in July last year. After several weeks of experiencing fatigue, dizziness, and pale skin, I’m concerned about my health.

• Extreme fatigue and weakness
• Sleep issues
• Pale skin
• Chest pain, fast heartbeat, or shortness of breath
• Headache and dizziness
• Cold feet
• High Anxiety 
• Weight gain: Although I track all calories and nutrition and stay under 2,000 daily (high-quality calories), I have gained 25 pounds since last September.
• I have found myself chewing ice - often!

I visited my primary care physician's (PPO) clinic, Fairview in Eagan, MN, to schedule an appointment. The website stated there were no online appointments, so I called. After 25 minutes, a friendly caller informed me that they weren’t taking in-person appointments and suggested I go to the emergency room if I was concerned.

I explained that after four years of battling anemia, I could tell them to do a blood draw to check for issues. I also suggested a D-Dimmer to verify for clots. I hadn’t experienced extreme calf pain like in 2017, but other symptoms concerned me. I argued for about 20 minutes, and they set me up with a 10-minute phone consultation for the next day. I felt like he was doing me a favor.

I’ll try to get a lab referral tomorrow. I don’t expect success, but it’s better than going to the ER. With COVID, I want to avoid the hospital. If these issues don’t kill me, I’m doing my best to avoid COVID-19.

Until next time, Carry on, my friends, carry on!

Amateur I am

I enjoy photography and have often shared my photos. I strive to capture scenes and events that evoke thoughts or emotions in viewers. Sometimes, it’s a running event that conveys the athlete’s pain or effort. At other times, it’s a serene waterfall or a natural scene.

This past week, I photographed my girlfriend and her two granddaughters meeting their four-year-old baby sister for the first time. I was nervous about capturing their emotions and getting the perfect image that conveys the feeling.

Below are some of the shots; I am proud of the result.

 

What do you think?  Did they create emotion or thoughts, or are they just another image?

Carry on my friends, carry on!

Stay in place lifted!

Has the Minnesota stay-at-home order been lifted? Is this a prudent decision? There are passionate arguments on both sides of the issue. One perspective draws a parallel to war, suggesting that the affluent will go to great lengths to maintain their wealth, even if it results in loss of life. Another viewpoint questions whether we are obligated to retaliate in the face of aggression. The truth remains uncertain.

This pandemic has been challenging for everyone. I’ve been sensitive to my co-workers’ mental health and tried to support them. But I’m starting to think this lockdown time is making me depressed. Working from home has reduced my average workweek to under 70 hours. Maybe it’s burnout, not depression. My feelings are more than“I feel bad” or “I’m angry.” I feel like I’m trapped in a dark room. I ask myself, “Why don’t you pick yourself up?” But I don’t answer; I only ask.

I totally get that when things don’t go as planned at work or if our leaders aren’t doing their best, it can really bring us down. The daily hustle can be tough on all of us. And it’s no surprise that mental health short-term disability claims are climbing by 10% each year, according to the Center for Workplace Mental Health. The mental toll of a depressed work environment can really add up. Depression is a big reason why we’re not as productive as we could be in the U.S., and I recently read that the annual cost is between $40 and $50 billion.

Studies indicate that employers incur a significant financial loss, amounting to 27 workdays per depressed employee. Notably, two-thirds of this loss is attributed to “presenteeism,” a phenomenon where individuals are physically present at work but exhibit reduced productivity. There is a well-established correlation between work stress and depression. This relationship arises from the acute stress experienced during specific tasks, such as meeting occasional deadlines or delivering significant presentations. These stressors effectively trigger the body’s fight-or-flight response, which can enhance performance. Conversely, chronic stress, characterized by constant deadlines or exposure to high-pressure situations, is associated with depression, cardiovascular diseases, elevated blood pressure, and type II diabetes.

As a supervisor, I recognize the positive impact this initiative has on my team. However, I must acknowledge that my leadership may not always align with this approach. In certain situations, I find myself lacking control as the challenges escalate and the complexities intensify.

In light of these circumstances, I am seeking clarification on the following:

1. Is it advisable for me to return to the office?
2. Is it safe to refuel my vehicle?
3. Is it prudent to visit a medical professional?

I am currently five weeks overdue for my last iron count test. While my anemia has improved, I still require occasional infusions (three last year). I am experiencing a resurgence of low iron levels, leading me to question whether it is safer to refrain from medical attention.

Confusion and instability grow, and I am still trying to figure out the correct answer?

Carry on my friends, carry on!

Family, yea they care?

Over 31 years ago, my ex-wife’s labor began in earnest on an April evening in 1989. Over 30 hours later, a child was born during Murphy Brown. I’ve always wanted to freeze time, capturing the perfection of a toothy giggle or a cozy morning snuggle forever. But such is parenthood: many things are beyond our control, which is both liberating and terrifying. Weekends are a dress rehearsal for empty nest syndrome: the children sleep all day and disappear in the evenings. I wouldn’t know they lived here if they didn’t take money from my pockets.

Fast-forward 31 years, and I’m lonely. My girlfriend preaches about the importance of family, saying my lack of appreciation is unfortunate. But family is important, yet we’re all individuals who prioritize ourselves. My girlfriend’s daughter had a baby girl, which brought her great delight. Despite living in Cincinnati, Ohio, and us in Minnesota, her daughter moved back to Minnesota with joy when her only grandchild was a year old.

Since then, she has welcomed two more grandchildren, which has brought immense joy to her life. She consistently emphasizes the significance of family and describes this period as a heavenly experience. However, she was subsequently informed of their impending relocation to Tennessee. This news deeply saddened my girlfriend, who spent several weeks in a state of emotional distress due to the imminent move. Her happiness diminished significantly, and this has had a profound impact on her well-being. We had briefly discussed the matter, and approximately a month has passed since an old friend reached out to her. During their conversation, she recounted her exceptional time spent with her grandchildren, which prompted her to burst into tears.

I am not much help, as I reminded her of what I said when they moved here. People often prioritize their desires for adventure over their families, leading to eventual departure. She said her family is close, and they would not do that. Now, she's wrong.

I guarantee her grandchildren will be sad not seeing Grammy several times a month. However, it confirms my statement that a family is often secondary to each individual's desires. I've been there, chasing self-improvement and advancement over the family. As I age, I see things differently, and that is a fact.

My primary point in this discussion is to emphasize the inherent uncertainty of life. While individuals may come and go, certain individuals will remain etched in our memories. Physical ailments may subside, and weight loss may appear unattainable. However, the only certainty lies in our ability to shape our destinies, albeit rarely at the expense of our families.

Families have evolved, becoming more distinct from their counterparts of fifty years ago. I am concerned that relationships and family dynamics have declined over the past several decades, and I lack optimism regarding any potential for improvement.

In light of this, I find myself frustrated to witness someone I hold dear frequently shedding tears due to the actions of the individual she typically refers to as the daughter who prioritizes family. While I acknowledge the significance of family, I must admit that I occasionally exhibit a lack of empathy and compassion. Consequently, I have expressed my perspective that the notion of family’s paramount importance is not a reality.

CARRY ON MY FRIENDS, CARRY ON

I am alive

Life has become more challenging in the modern age. Working long hours, often exceeding 50, has caused immense stress and poor sleep. This exhaustion hinders maintaining a healthy weight and overall well-being.

Research links sleep restriction to negative metabolic changes. Adults sleeping four hours a night, compared to ten, experience increased hunger and appetite. Observational studies also suggest a link between sleep restriction and obesity. Sleep duration may affect hormones regulating hunger, such as ghrelin and leptin, or lead to fatigue and decreased physical activity.

I’ve noticed that fatigue often makes me emotional. The past three years have been difficult for my girlfriend, as her mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s four years ago and deteriorated until her passing last summer.

This morning, I heard about Glen Campbell’s last song, “I am not going to miss you.” I started crying. It’s unheard of for someone to write such lyrics knowing it would be their final time with us after being diagnosed. The lyrics are:

February 20 ››

February 21

 

That sleep pattern is not healthy.  Research suggests an association between sleep restriction and negative changes in metabolism.  In adults, sleeping four hours a night, compared with 10 hours a night, increases hunger and appetite.  I can verify that issue!

Observational studies also suggest a link between sleep restriction and obesity.  One explanation might be that sleep duration affects hormones regulating hunger — ghrelin and leptin.  Another contributing factor might be that lack of sleep leads to fatigue and results in less physical activity.

One thing I know is when I get tired, I get emotional.  As some may know, the past three years have been trying for my girlfriend as her mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's about four years ago and degraded until she passed last summer.

This morning, I heard about the last song Glen Campbell wrote, "I am not going to miss you." I just started to cry.  For him to write that knowing it would be the result of his final time with us after being diagnosed is unheard of in society.  The lyrics are:

I'm still here, but yet I'm gone

I don't play guitar or sing my songs

They never defined who I am

The man that loves you 'til the end

You're the last person I will love

You're the last face I will recall

And best of all, I'm not gonna miss you

Not gonna miss you

I'm never gonna hold you like I did

Or say I love you to the kids

You're never gonna see it in my eyes

It's not gonna hurt me when you cry

I'm never gonna know what you go through

All the things I say or do

All the hurt and all the pain

One thing selfishly remains

I'm not gonna miss you

I'm not gonna miss you

If you want to see it on YouTube, check it out here.

I am trying to get this under control. When I retire, it will be more comfortable, as the political environment and job stress are at an all-time high!

On the exercise side, I purchased a Wahoo KiCKR indoor trainer to get a few hundred bike miles monthly.  I'm looking forward to being outside in a few weeks.

I will do regular entries, but I don't have time.  They say it reduces stress, and I may try it!

Carry on my friends, carry on!

Some people are self centered

I’m really impressed by the people I’m around, but it feels like they’re just going through the motions. Like my girlfriend, who thinks she’s super responsible and dedicated, but she’s not really dependable. She said she’d be home by 6:00 PM, so I left work to be home by 5:30 PM. I’ll be there when she gets home, which is at 7:15 PM. But when I get home, I forget something and ask if she can drop it off on her way to work (just a quick 5-minute detour), and she acts like I’ve just asked her to do the impossible. So, I drive 20 minutes home to grab what I need and then drive back 20 minutes.

This is happening with most things we’re involved in. I had a flat tire on my bike and asked if she could pick me up on the way home, and she complained. It’s so frustrating because I feel like we’re supposed to support each other in a relationship, but I don’t feel supported at all. It’s the same with my son. It just breaks my heart!

I’ve been trying to find a better work-life balance. I’ve been working fewer than 50 hours a week in the past couple of weeks. I still hate going to the office, and it’s getting hard to control my anger about what I have to do. Plus, I feel like I’m not getting any support!

Part of that is helping my girlfriend’s son-in-law build a wall and patio! It’s such a tough job, and my back is starting to hurt really badly. One more weekend will finish the job.

I’ve been feeling more frustrated lately because I really want more time for photography and other things I used to enjoy. Right now, as I’ve said before, I hate everything.

Carry on my friends, carry on!

Miles are up, not sure about weight

Today marks the conclusion of July 2019. While the month presents several positive attributes, it also encompasses lingering challenges and minor setbacks. I continue to experience anemia and chest pains, necessitating infusions to sustain iron levels. As previously mentioned, these occurrences are approximately half the frequency of 2018, yet they remain imperative.

Contrary to the physician’s recommendation, I have refrained from continuing omeprazole treatment. In January, I began experiencing significant difficulties, which were indicative of kidney issues. Kidney failure is a potential risk associated with omeprazole. Having discontinued its use for four months, I am confident that the kidneys are regaining their functionality, resulting in a reduction in my health concerns. My primary focus has shifted towards gut bacteria, as a balanced gut microbiome can contribute to the alleviation of various health issues.

In February, I stopped weighing myself. My weight feels lower, but only with effort. I’ll check with my doctor next. I’m focusing on balanced eating and more cycling. As of today, I’ve ridden 132 times and covered 1,796.3 miles. I’ve maintained this level since 2014, with a low of 760 miles a few years ago. My top year was 2,543.3 miles in 2012, and I’m on pace to exceed that this year. In July, I only drove the car for four days, mostly cycling.

My lingering health issues from the 2017 hospital stay are fortunate that my busy son doesn’t notice. Seeing a parent struggle with health is as hard as seeing a child with issues. I’m glad he’s working and unaware of my struggles.

He was in Germany for most of the first six months and was promoted to a new role, which increased his responsibilities. He’s only visited three times this year, including a brief stopover. The timing is perfect.

Here’s to August and hopes of a 400-plus mile month, as July was 481 miles.

Carry on my friends, carry on!

Comments from my original blog - I merged the blogs.

wildknits

Congrats on keeping your riding mileage up in light of everything else you have going on, especially the anemia! Hoping that you find the answer to your health issues, you have been struggling with them for years.  Did you find a good probiotic to take daily? Considering all of the antibiotics you have been on, it would be a wonder if you had good gut bacteria left. I think we are all learning more and more about the contribution the gut and its bacteria have to our overall health. I certainly have in the past two years! While some of my main issues have been addressed, I continue to take a probiotic, eat prebiotic foods, and maintain a diet that is radically different than what it was 2 years ago. Cutting out foods that cause inflammation for me has made a huge difference in how I feel overall, and led to some weight loss (not something I was looking to do at the time).  Thursday, August 8, 2019 at 7:28:18 AM CDT

LDP

Lisa, what I learned is that this is a long-term learning experience. Dairy and inflammation have a more significant effect on me. I use more care in selecting food and dissecting the labels, and in the past months, I was so surprised at the sugar in so-called health-beneficial food. The key for me was what the said was anemia, drug-induced. I have improved and look forward to a few more years when I finally get back in balance. At least the pace of improvement makes me believe that slow and easy will result in a good outcome.  Wednesday, August 21, 2019 at 8:10:37 PM CDT

I HATE the floods! Careful what we wish for!

I’m really curious about the weather forecast! I’m not a fan of extreme cold, especially when it comes to riding a bicycle in spring rain and floods. Then there’s the heat of summer. But hey, there are three months between early August and the middle of November when I can really enjoy biking. So, looking at the bright side of winter, at least in the tundra, it can’t flood, right?

Even with the not-so-great weather, I’ve managed to complete 59 rides (28 of which were to work) and racked up 1,006 miles! The mileage is high now because the flood has made the trip 5 miles longer each way, adding 10 miles daily, for a total of 36 miles compared to the shorter 26 miles. A week ago, the river was just low enough. I had hoped to take the shorter route, but after a week of rain, the river is up about 2.5 feet! Check out the chart below, which shows the river levels from the last time I could ride the short route, on March 19, through today.

I await the weather and look forward to the day when I can take a shorter ride.

In terms of my health, I was experiencing significant improvement following the previous iron infusion. However, after a few weeks, I began to experience sleep deprivation once again. I am aware that I was still experiencing gastrointestinal bleeding, which, coupled with other symptoms, led to this realization. Last week, my average sleep duration was approximately four hours. Despite my efforts to address the issue, insomnia is the first symptom I notice when my iron levels are low. I intend to increase my consumption of tofu, sesame seeds, and spinach, which have been beneficial in the past. However, these combinations can become monotonous relatively quickly. I have scheduled tests for June 4th, and another infusion is imminent.

Regarding my work situation, there are still unresolved issues. We are currently operating at approximately 20 percent below the levels achieved in 2006, during the peak of the economic boom. Our workload has increased significantly since then. Consequently, I am required to work almost every weekend, which has resulted in the loss of 32 vacation hours and an average workweek exceeding 50 hours. This figure only accounts for the time spent at the office, which includes a limited number of remote hours. The stress levels have reached an all-time high. If I were not nearing retirement (in a few years), I would consider leaving my current position to prioritize my health.

My son has been traveling a lot for work lately, and it feels like ages since I last saw him. He spent most of the spring in Germany. I’m trying to figure out where he’s headed next. Fingers crossed it’s back in the US so he can catch up on life! His girlfriend works in Alaska, so he’s working remotely from there.

That’s great because he can finally spend some time with his mom. Alaska is a long flight, but he manages to make it work sometimes. I know his schedule is crazy, so for the past year, he’s been in Alaska as much, if not more, than Minnesota. I hope he can keep visiting Alaska more often, especially since he loves the sunshine there, especially when there are 20 hours of it a day!

My girlfriend has been super busy with work, and we’re spending less time together each year. She leaves for work about three hours after I do and gets home two hours later. So, I have breakfast at the office and dinner for about an hour before she gets home. It’s funny how, during the week, we only see each other for about four to five hours, and we live in the same house!

Then, I work every Saturday, and she’s busy with the grandchildren on weekends. That’s just the way it is now with three little ones (nine months, 18 months, and four years old). She’s amazing with kids; if she could, she’d see them as much as possible, but work gets in the way.

So, Porter and I often hang out, which is good.  He has a very odd personality, so we get along just fine!

He owns the bed!

Husker necktie

 

That's an update!  Carry on my friends, carry on!