Old age and wisdom

In various cultures, the owl is revered as a symbol of wisdom. This association stems from its connection to Athena, the Greek goddess of knowledge, and its appearances in Aesop’s fables. More recently, the owl has made its mark in A.A. Milne’s beloved “Winnie the Pooh.” While it may seem like an odd choice to seek wisdom from an owl, especially when trying to determine the number of licks required to reach the center of a Tootsie Pop, it’s worth considering the owl’s longstanding reputation as a wise creature. However, be prepared to lose your Tootsie Pop in the pursuit of knowledge.

But who can we turn to for wisdom in the human world? In high school, I was told that beer makes you smart! They claim it’s proven because they made Bud wiser. In a study by Robert Sternberg of Yale, participants were asked to nominate individuals they considered wise. The average age of the nominees was around 55 or 60 years old. If you ask people, they’ll name old-timers like Gandhi, Socrates, the Pope, and so on. Clearly, the public believes that with age comes wisdom. Well, I’m 51, so I must be nearing the age where I’m wise. Yeah, right!

Is age a prerequisite for wisdom? As I age, I’m starting to doubt that. We all know a few elderly people who lack wisdom. While it’s true that people can experience their peak brainpower in old age, the brain does shrink slightly with age, resulting in an average decline in cognitive function. This decline can result in dementia or Alzheimer’s.  

Lately, I’ve been engrossed in a yearlong supervisor training course, which requires me to read numerous books for work. One book that stands out is “Smart to Wise” by Prasad Kaipa and Navi Radio. In it, they draw a fascinating analogy between smartness and a wild horse. They explain that while riding a wild horse can be exhilarating, it can also be dangerous and lead to being thrown off. To harness the power of intelligence for the long term, they emphasize the importance of wisdom. Wisdom, they argue, provides ethical clarity and a sense of purpose. I find this concept intriguing and would love to explore its meaning in more depth.

As I grow older, I find myself increasingly perplexed and less knowledgeable. The more I read, the less informed I feel. Therefore, the concepts of age and wisdom become meaningless. As I age, I become progressively less intelligent. It was like riding my bike to work yesterday when even cars had issues. While it wasn’t wise, I enjoyed the ride and avoided the problem mentioned in the YouTube video https://youtu.be/p72ltDXfz_k?si=Keg5O1suxCv_7l6R.

This entire discussion began because I rode my bike to work and was so delighted. However, was it wise? I know it’s 18 miles one way, but it provides me with time to ride and think—time to reduce stress and appreciate how fortunate I am to be able to ride when all those people pass me in their cars, seemingly stressed out and unable to make any progress.

So, does age bring wisdom? I say no. Experience brings wisdom; based on that, I am on a solid path to gaining wisdom daily. However, I am still uncertain whether I will ever be considered wise.

All you quiet dreamers, carry on!

I met a girl

It was on this day, ten years ago, that I met a girl. I had been divorced for several years and was eager to date again. Long-term dating breakups or divorces are never easy, as we once believed that the person we were with was perfect. However, I failed to make that assumption. Looking back, I often blame myself for the issues, not the other person. This helps me keep the best of those memories alive. The bad memories are forgotten because once I have formed a new habit of letting go of any perceived issues, why dwell on them?

I’ve always believed that the “one-year rule” is crucial after a breakup or divorce. This rule suggests that you should limit dating, if you do date at all, for a year from any significant breakup. While it wasn’t always a strict one-year rule, it was either a year or the duration of your relationship, whichever was shorter. This period allows you ample time to “get over” the past relationship. For instance, I was married for a decade, so the rule applied for a year. However, it took me 2.5 years before I felt ready to move on.

I had limited knowledge about the girl I was about to meet. Despite being older than me, we shared numerous common interests and also had some differences. It was a blind date lunch. 

We had planned to meet at Panera Bread at 11:30 AM. I arrived at 11:25 AM, as punctuality is essential to me. I waited patiently, but it was 11:35 AM and still no one. I started feeling disappointed, thinking I might be stood up. However, at 11:38 AM, I noticed a girl driving up in a Nissan Pathfinder. While I’m not a fan of large, gas-guzzling vehicles, I decided to put my disappointment aside.

We introduced ourselves, and her natural beauty left a lasting impression on me. She sincerely apologized for being late, although I’ve noticed that over the past decade, she’s been about 8-10 minutes late on 99% of occasions. It’s simply her way of being. 

Then we went inside to order. As she proceeded, it was a painfully slow process. I even had the audacity to say, “Okay, Sally,” as she was ordering, just like Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally. She laughed!

We had an instant and enjoyable conversation. It was effortless. I was genuinely impressed with the girl. However, she then revealed that she was still married but separated. So, here I am, a man who values promptness, prefers quick decision-making, and believes the one-year rule is crucial for her to be prepared for another relationship. Despite these differences, I found myself continuing the conversation. Perhaps it was because I liked her! Could our contrasting personalities make it an intriguing challenge?

Every year on March 23rd at 11:30 AM, I’ve made it a habit to visit that Panera store. Last year, I was so overwhelmed with work that I completely forgot it was March. When the day finally arrived and I realized my oversight, my heart sank. Fortunately, she didn’t show up either. (To be fair, she had asked if I would be there, and I had informed her that I had forgotten and had a scheduled meeting.) However, she doesn’t know that I had left the meeting early and had gone to Panera at 11:34 AM. I was alone. She didn’t show up. Even though I never mentioned it to her, I still went.

That was hurtful, but the day we met held a more profound significance for me than it did for her. Even without her presence, at precisely 11:34, standing on that sidewalk, I am filled with joy and happiness whenever I recall that memory. Of course, there were other instances when she was absent, but that is a story for another time.

Since that day, my life has improved in numerous ways, but one of the most significant is the rekindling of my passion for storytelling. When we first began communicating, during that intense week of emails leading up to our in-person meeting, I shared many stories, and I still vividly recall some of them. I must admit, I’ve strayed from the main topic.

She shares my quirky personality! In fact, she’s almost a female counterpart to me in more ways than we are opposites. I understand that may sound unfortunate, but we found a way to connect—apologies for the digression. I’m back on track today.

Today marks the day I’ll visit Panera Bread at 11:25 AM. I’m uncertain if I’ll be eating alone or if she’ll show up. I know she’s been on and off for the past decade. Despite the challenges we’ve faced, she’s made a positive impact on my life. Although I believe we’ve only had a few heated arguments over the years, I can’t recall any significant disagreements. I genuinely think she’s one of a kind, as I’ve never found a perfect match in my life. I genuinely hope she arrives at the restaurant and feels the same way. To this day, I still say, “I met a girl…”

I hope you all find someone who is a good match. It’s a wonderful feeling, and one that every human being should experience.

All you quiet dreamers, carry on!

Comments from my original blog - I merged the blogs.

SteveQ

Lovely story, Londell.  Monday, March 24, 2014 at 10:06:25 AM CDT

When your best may not be good enough?

Over the past few weeks, I have had the incredible opportunity to spend quality time with my son. While I am incredibly proud and wish I could be half the man he has become, I can’t help but wonder if I did a good job as a father. He often exhibits some of my less-than-desirable traits, which makes me question my success as a parent. However, he is a wonderful person, so did I forget? I always believed that I did my best, but was that enough? Will I ever be satisfied with myself, even when I find immense joy in watching him grow?

However, as the renowned Winston Churchill wisely remarked, “It’s not enough to do our best; sometimes, we must do what is necessary.” Have I given my all but failed miserably in fulfilling the required tasks? But what exactly constitutes the necessary actions? Does anyone truly possess the knowledge to provide an accurate answer?

In February, I watched the Super Bowl. The Denver Broncos appeared hesitant to participate in the game and, in my opinion, didn’t give their best effort. Although the Broncos were obligated to be in New York, I don’t believe they performed their best. But what does this signify? Over the past few years, I’ve faced numerous doubts. I’ve spent more time dwelling on my failures than on my successes. 

Many times, I’ve achieved success that was the result of another failure. To illustrate this, I often recall the great runner Paula Radcliffe. 

In 2005, Radcliffe participated in the London Marathon with the ambitious goal of becoming the world’s fastest woman in marathon history. Despite her strong start, she encountered a significant challenge near the end of the race—literally.

As Paula Radcliffe neared the end of that crucial race—a race that, if she won, would secure her the title of the world’s fastest female marathon runner—she came to a disheartening realization: she urgently needed to use the restroom. Unfortunately, visiting a nearby bathroom would jeopardize her chance of breaking the record-breaking time she had set her sights on. Despite the urgency of her need, Paula knew she had to push through and finish the race.

As Paula Radcliffe neared the end of her race, facing the prospect of failure, she made a surprising decision. Instead of going to a nearby bathroom, she paused briefly and released the pressure. This act of vulnerability was witnessed by hundreds of people, with cameras capturing her moment and broadcasting the race to spectators worldwide.

After completing the marathon, Paula stood up, crossed the finish line, and accomplished her initial goal of becoming the world’s fastest female marathon runner.

And the rest is history.

I hadn’t given much thought to “Paula’s Poop,” but I was contemplating doing my best. Is that enough? Like being a father, you never know if it’s the right choice. She might be the fastest person in history, but she’ll also be known for pooping all over herself. Did she make the right decision?

When I write, I frequently encounter human limitations. These limitations can manifest in various forms, such as physical constraints, like Paula’s, or emotional, spiritual, or even intellectual limitations. When I hit a roadblock, I often seek to understand the underlying reasons for the challenges I face or the obstacles that prevent me from achieving my desired outcome.

Perhaps I believe the reason behind my current lack of productivity is that I haven’t exerted enough effort. Alternatively, I might be experiencing a form of punishment for past actions. There could be an inherent flaw within me that I’m grappling with. However, I may find solace if I cease my search for what I did right or wrong and instead focus on the challenges that arise before me.

Instead, I would continue working at my job, dedicating more hours and striving to motivate my team. I would diligently follow my supervisors’ instructions and strive to excel in my role. Yet, I find myself doubting whether my efforts are truly sufficient. This is the only place where I feel confident that my best is more than enough. I don’t experience this sense of accomplishment anywhere else in my life. I’m overwhelmed, frustrated, and unhappy. Life isn’t always pleasant, and I feel trapped in a cycle of stress and dissatisfaction. I’ve reached a crisis point in my life.

The answer might be to realize that there’s no definitive answer. Doing my best means doing nothing at all. I’m uncertain, and I’m not sure I’ll ever know for sure. However, one thing is certain: I often feel the urge to go for a walk and relieve myself. It worked for Radcliffe, but I’m not sure it would be effective for me, except for the possibility of getting arrested.

All you quiet dreamers, carry on!

Damb it!

I should be more mindful of my language on the public forum, even though I’m feeling frustrated, exasperated, enraged, maddened, aggravated, bothered, perturbed, discouraged, annoyed, irritated, agitated, and so on. In fact, I’m starting my third Prednisone and Leviquin regimen in five months.

I detest these two drugs because they make my body feel like all my body fluids have been depleted at the last aid station. Prednisone, which I jokingly call “pregnant zone,” causes me to gain weight like I’m pregnant, and I can’t do anything about it! I try my best to manage these issues, but getting out of bed is excruciating because that damn Leviquin makes me feel worse than when I ran 77 miles of the Superior Hiking Trail.

On a positive note, I don’t have the blisters; it’s just the body pain.

I haven’t even delved into the “Why me” phase of this ongoing battle, which has been going on for five years now. I often find myself asking, “Why not me?” considering my insurance coverage, a stable job, my age of 51, and the near independence of my child. I have the time and energy (well, not really anymore) to endure this fight. Additionally, I have other dear friends who are far less fortunate than I am. Just today, I read the CaringBridge post of a friend who doesn’t even have the options I have and will miss her youngest child’s high school graduation. So, why me? I often find myself questioning why them.

In summary, this will be my 11^th Prednisone round and 4^th Leviquin round since 2009, which is beyond the IV push I had during my surgery. If this treatment doesn’t work, surgery will be necessary again. This time, it’s exploratory surgery since my blood counts are normal, but I’m plagued by constant recurring infections. These infections prevent me from sleeping unless I sit up, disrupt my vision, and cause severe headaches with a pain level I’ve never experienced before. My chest is congested, and my wheezing is unbearable. I’m not sure how people manage to cope with me. I try to remain cheerful and accommodating, but I’m feeling increasingly exhausted.

I was taking pictures a few weeks ago. It was at the Ice Cave on the north-facing shore of Lake Superior. Pictures help bring the mind off other things. Here are a few photos:

Music soothes the soul. My music taste is diverse now, with many new favorites you may not have heard. My son introduced me to Amos Lee and Rodrigo y Gabriela. I enjoy Bella Ruse, Robert Earl Keen, Danny Gatton, Ry Cooder, Steel Magnolia, Marcia Ball, Mallory Hope, and others. I still love the local scene with Mick Sterling, Pamela McNeil, and the Home Free Boys.

Music is an excellent medicine for the soul. It can evoke laughter, tears, speed, or smiles. Like food, some music makes me feel better, while others don’t.

I’ve traveled many roads and often wonder if different choices would have avoided my current issues. The human body is a complex system of living organisms that interact and support each other. I’m unsure if the next round of medicine will work or if I should accept my body’s limitations. I’m exhausted.

I always loved a quote from Julius Caesar:

"If a man were to know the end of this day's business, there it comes. Will this day end, and the end be known?  If we meet again, we will smile; if not, this parting was well made." 

While I’ve long yearned to rejoin my trail friends on the trails, I’m still uncertain if I’ll be able to make it again. I have no regrets; I’m grateful for the journey we’ve shared. I hope to join you once more, but my optimism is waning for now. I’m not a quitter, but this situation is testing my patience!

All you quiet dreamers, carry on!

Dear old man, Winter

Please accept this letter as formal notice of your immediate termination. While you have consistently exceeded our expectations and requirements, the harsh January weather conditions, including temperatures dropping to -20°F (with a wind chill of -40°F), constant snowfall, and blustery winds, have made it clear that you have surpassed all expectations. In light of these circumstances, we believe it is in your best interest to seek employment elsewhere. I understand that I have no control over the hiring and firing decisions made by Mother Nature’s staff, but I often wish I had some influence in such matters. 

Why do I want to rid myself of this long winter?  I miss riding my bike to work! 

Many people suggest, “Get a fat bike, fat man.” While this might be a viable option if the roads weren’t so congested with snow and drivers weren’t so frustrated, riding to work is inherently dangerous. Over half of my commute involves sharing roads where the speed limit exceeds 40 MPH.

People often ask what the allure of commuting on a bicycle.  To me, there are so many reasons, many fundamental, which include:

• It’s cheaper than driving. According to AAA, the average cost of owning a car in 2013 increased by just over $9,000 due to rising fuel costs and upkeep. On the other hand, maintaining bikes costs only $308 per year, which is nearly 30 times less than the cost of owning a car.
• While this comparison isn’t entirely fair since I still own a vehicle, I can share my personal savings. I save about $4.00 daily on fuel costs by biking. Using the Commute Saving Calculator, I found that my annual commute costs $5,702.40. With 260 workdays in a year, I typically commute 60-80 of those days, resulting in annual savings of approximately $1,500. However, I incur $200 in annual bike repairs. Despite these expenses, I find it worthwhile to save an average of $100 a month through tax-free savings.
• It's a free gym on wheels.
• As I age, bike commuting can be an incredibly effective cardiovascular exercise. It’s also easier on the joints, especially for those who are overweight. Therefore, engaging in activities like swimming or biking that don’t put too much strain on the joints can be beneficial. 
• I miss traffic jams. Even under ideal conditions, it takes about 20-25 minutes to drive. To account for any unexpected delays, I plan for a 40-45 minute commute. Interestingly, people with similar commutes often take longer to drive than I do. 
• I save significantly on health care expenses. 
• My productivity significantly improves when I commute to work by bicycle. Numerous studies have demonstrated that individuals who commute to work by bike, walking, or jogging are less likely to call in sick. In the summer, I feel healthier when I ride my bicycle frequently. Interestingly, some studies suggest that taking the bus may increase the likelihood of getting sick. Fresh air is undoubtedly beneficial for our health. A survey conducted by the University of Nottingham revealed that public transit riders are “six times more likely to suffer from acute respiratory infections.”
• I never have to worry about finding a parking spot. In fact, we have conveniently located bike parking right next to the workout room and locker facility. (This amenity is worth sacrificing 20% of my salary compared to many of my colleagues who don’t have this option.) Money isn’t everything.
• The most significant reason for me to bike to work, provided the roads aren’t icy or snowy, is the joy of life. When I stop at a stoplight, I greet any other bikers who arrive. If we’re heading in the same direction, we ride a few miles together. Imagine trying that in a car! Biking allows me to easily stop and savor the moment, whether it’s watching kids play, marveling at nature’s wonders, or catching up with friends.

A bike commute offers numerous benefits, including hassle-free travel, zero gas costs, increased exercise, eco-friendliness, reduced car key searches, workplace leadership, worry-free parking, traffic avoidance, and insurance savings. Despite a longer commute, I save time.

A typical day begins at 5:45 AM with a 15-minute wake-up and breakfast. By 6:50 AM, I shower and prepare for work. By 7:20 AM, I’m in the car, facing traffic delays. On a good day, I arrive at work at 7:50 AM.

Biking eliminates the morning routine. I pack everything the night before, wake at 5:45 AM, and start riding by 5:55 AM. The crisp air is invigorating. I arrive at work between 6:50 and 7:10 AM. I stretch, shower, and prepare for the day. By 7:40 AM, I walk into the office with breakfast, eat at my desk, and begin my day.

Wow, that 18-mile bike ride saved me over 10 minutes, and I feel so much better and less stressed! I was chatting with friends on the way and soaking in the fantastic scenery, which really lifted my spirits. You can’t experience the beauty and wonders of nature like that when you’re stuck in a car, zooming around at 55 MPH or more.

So, Old Man Winter, please ease up and make the roads bicycle-safe so I can again enjoy my days in a way most will never understand or experience.

All you quiet dreamers, carry on!