We have an election tonight. I’ve been nervous about America’s state. Both major parties are extreme. Excessive anger and hatred over political beliefs are common, especially among people who used to hate each other over religion. The world is changing in ways I fear.
I’m also near an anniversary of a traumatic event that reactivates my thoughts and feelings. Each November, I experience peaks of anxiety and depression. I remember events clearly and feel emotions intensely. While reliving sadness is natural, it’s been over two decades, and I realize there’s no one right way to heal.
I try to cope with stress and distress in healthy ways. Writing helps, but I don’t share my memories and feelings with someone I trust. Activities that focus my mind, like my job, are also helpful. However, my job’s stress exacerbates my frequent chest pains and impulsive eating, leading to weight gain. I’m at my heaviest ever. I feel trapped. I sleep an average of 4 hours a night and work nearly 60 hours a week. Below are my typical sleep patterns as recorded by my sleep monitor software.
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In an effort to combat the challenges of November, I have adopted contemplative activities, including reading, reflection, and walking. While walking can be physically demanding, I am fortunate to abstain from alcohol and drug use, which are common choices for many individuals. As a means of overcoming the physical limitations of November, I intend to engage in water workouts. Although I acknowledge the importance of exercise, I am currently experiencing fatigue and soreness that hinder my motivation to exercise. To overcome these obstacles, I must cultivate strength and determination. My goal is to endure the next six weeks, despite the potential difficulties. However, I have been reminded that fear is an ineffective emotion. Therefore, I must prioritize focusing on this fact.
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