I’ve come to realize that one of the most emotionally taxing and challenging healthcare decisions many individuals will ever encounter is disclosing their health concerns to others. This becomes even more difficult when the issue is terminal. Throughout my journey through the health battle and treatment path, I’ve encountered numerous people.
While my medical condition hasn’t improved or worsened significantly in months, I’m grappling with severe pain that is almost debilitating. It’s incredibly challenging to walk, and getting up from a chair is a struggle. However, I often feign it because I don’t want to burden or worry those around me. Despite my general health indicators improving, I don’t feel any better.
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Today, during my treatment, I had another conversation with terminally ill individuals whom I’ve befriended over the past few months. They casually sat in the room, engaging in discussions about life. I sat there, allowing the medication to take effect and listening attentively.
The topic of discussion today was whether terminally ill patients (or very ill patients) should disclose their prognosis to others. What surprised me was the profound insights shared by three terminal patients. One patient expressed their decision not to inform their family because they felt powerless and wanted to spare them from unnecessary worry. Another patient revealed that their spouse was aware of the prognosis, but their children and coworkers were not. The third patient admitted to informing most people, but wished she had been more cautious.
Despite their differing perspectives, all three patients agreed that sharing grim news can be beneficial and help others prepare for their departure from Earth. However, they also acknowledged that the truth can be devastating for some individuals. It’s a delicate balance, and I struggle to find the right approach. What if the person had never been informed and faced even greater difficulties? This is a complex issue, and I don’t have all the answers.
Many of you (at least those of us over 50) followed Dear Abby? She once had a song I enjoyed about her, I like John Prine. She is the advice columnist Abigail Van Buren. Alzheimer's disease ravaged her, yet her family decided not to tell her about the diagnosis. "Dear Abby," born Pauline Phillips, died at the age of 94, and her son, Eddie, believed that she instinctively knew she was dying despite the family's silence.
I once came across an interesting story about Allen Ball, a realtor from Columbia, South Carolina. He attempted to reassure his spirited 94-year-old mother, who was battling an aggressive brain tumor. However, she responded with a firm, “Well, I certainly don’t feel better, so you’d better prepare yourself!”
This incident made me reflect on the significance of keeping loved ones informed, even when there’s nothing they can do to assist. Is there truly any benefit to this? While sympathy may not heal, excessive worry is unnecessary when there’s nothing they can do to help. The only positive outcome is the opportunity to spend more time with a loved one before they pass away. However, if they genuinely believed they had to do that, why did they avoid spending time with them before they fell ill? Life is too busy.
Nevertheless, I firmly believe that the loved ones of a terminally ill person should be informed. This allows them to prepare for their passing by organizing their affairs. They may want to record messages for family members or seek guidance from a clergy member regarding spiritual matters, including their beliefs about what happens after death.
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to this question. The decision to disclose or withhold information depends on the individual and the circumstances. I’m constantly amazed by terminal cancer patients, even at a young age, who openly discuss their impending death and express their emotions to their loved ones. If this approach can be adopted, it’s undoubtedly the healthiest way to proceed. However, the people I encountered today were all over 60. They appeared content to let life continue and didn’t want others to be concerned.
Today, I left treatment without any noticeable improvement and with a significant amount of mental confusion. I’m hesitant to disclose the severity of my issues to my loved ones, as I’m confident that I’ll overcome them. Today’s experience has made me question myself and wonder if I should discuss this with them. I’m uncertain about the right course of action, and I’m not sure what solution will be the most appropriate.
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