R.I.P. my hairy friend

 Yesterday, while I was on a brief vacation in Duluth, my girlfriend contacted me. She informed me that she had to make the difficult decision to euthanize Jackson, the most exceptional Golden Retriever I have ever known. She felt compelled to do so sooner rather than later. Similar to Annie before him, Jackson had recently been afflicted with numerous health issues in his advanced age (over 77 dog years). For nearly two months, his health had progressively declined. He had lost approximately 20 pounds and over 70% of his fur. We had already been administering medication to him for several months, as Shelley took him to the veterinarian yesterday (the day following Thanksgiving). He was experiencing difficulty breathing and, at times, was unable to stand.

She was informed that she could medicate him and potentially receive a few months of treatment, but the quality of life would be significantly compromised. We have been in denial for several weeks. This decision is not an easy one, particularly for her, as this is the most loyal and affectionate dog she has ever had as a companion.

Shelley and her new friend, Jackson, met 11 years after her divorce. Jackson was just over six months old when I met Shelley. I’m not close to dogs because I know they die before me. I’ve lost loved ones, including a dog I loved as a child and six high school friends. Death is inevitable and painful unless you’re the one who dies.

Jackson was different. He admired me and wanted to be my friend. I was reluctant to show him my gratitude, but after five years, he became my buddy. The love and appreciation grew. Over the past year, he was just as much my best friend as my girlfriend’s. Putting him down hurt, but it was less painful than it was for her.

Jackson knew that sticking by me was a win-win. He greeted me every morning, met me at the door, and we went outside for a while before coming inside for a treat and a good scratch.

When I was at my computer, he’d lie next to me, sometimes putting his wet nose under my arm for affection. I appreciated him as a great friend.

On walks, he’d put his leash in his mouth to avoid barking and loved eating grass, sometimes making me think he was more like a cow than a dog. He was a protector, barking at strangers but becoming docile when challenged.

Dogs are all different. Jackson was exceptional, even within the same breed. Annie, my girlfriend’s older Golden Retriever, didn’t care if I liked her, unlike Jackson, who wanted to be my best friend. He never gave up, and I now feel the pain of losing a dog, a feeling I never wanted to experience again after my first at a young age. I know I’ll get through this.

I worry about my grieving girlfriend. I usually downplay pet loss, though I’ve read that my father was more affected than I thought. I once thought I’d have fewer issues if I died than if the dog did.

When we returned from Duluth, my son tried to cheer her up, and he succeeded. This was a blessing to her. He made a snow dog for the front yard as a memorial.

In the mid-1980s, I dismissed the emotional pain of pet loss, believing it insignificant. My father’s abandonment of me after I let the dog out, prioritizing the dog over his family, solidified this belief.

In 1989, I learned from grief expert Kenneth Doka that pet loss, like perinatal death and induced abortion, is “disenfranchised grief.” This means that the relationship between the deceased and the grieving person is not adequately recognized, leading to insufficient social support for recovery.

Pets are also beneficial for people and couples. A 1995 study found that couples with dogs experienced greater well-being, especially those with high attachment and who confide in their pets. Talking to dogs, in addition to spouses, was linked to greater life satisfaction, marital satisfaction, and physical/emotional well-being. Confiding in pets to discuss difficult life situations alleviated stress.

A 2002 study measured cardiovascular changes in 120 married couples during two stressful tasks: rapid subtraction and an ice bath. Participants had lower heart rates and blood pressure in the presence of their pets compared to when they were with their spouses.

Pets offer unconditional support without judgment. The study suggests social support can cross species.

This research highlights the value of dogs and my bond with my lost one.

One question remains: how long to wait before getting another dog after losing one? We can now leave for days without worrying about dog care, but there are benefits to both.

I frequently contemplate whether individuals who acquire the same breed of dog experience a sense of comfort upon encountering a similar set of canine characteristics in their lives, or if it merely serves as an unfortunate circumstance. While I lack definitive knowledge on this matter, I do possess a profound understanding of the profound emotional impact that dog loss can have. Jackson was an extraordinary dog, possessing an exceptional bond with me. He exhibited unwavering affection and joy in my presence. The memory of his companionship will forever remain etched in my heart, and I will deeply miss his presence.

 
RIP my friend, RIP!  You and Annie have a good ole time!

All you dreamers, carry on!