Baby, I see this world has made you sad
Some people can be bad
The things they do, the things they say
But baby, I’ll wipe away those bitter tears
I’ll chase away those restless fears
And turn your blue skies into gray
Why worry
There should be laughter after pain
There should be sunshine after rain
These things have always been the same
So why worry now
Why worry now
Why worry now
These words are from a Dire Straits song I really like. About worrying, that worthless emotion. The one that can make you ill!
Why is this matter significant to me today? It stems from an incident involving my son’s bicycle ride. He utilized his Garmin device to track his location. Still, unfortunately, it ceased monitoring at the exact location in Colorado where, last year, I was less than one minute behind a bicyclist who tragically lost his life on that very curve. The memory of that destroyed bicycle and the blood on the road still haunts me, causing me to experience recurring nightmares.
The situation caused me to experience anxiety, panic, and shortness of breath, accompanied by chest pains. I anxiously monitored the screen, hoping that the device would resume its function. The intensity of my worry was overwhelming. I promptly called my son to inquire about his well-being, and he responded with anger, instructing me to contact him urgently. While the initial wave of worry subsided, allowing me to regain my composure, he remained visibly upset and angry.
In the midst of excessive worry, I experienced heightened anxiety to the extent of panic. I am susceptible to feelings of impending doom or unrealistic fears that exacerbate my concerns. I am highly attuned to my surroundings. Worry is an inherent human trait that affects each individual differently, with some experiencing it more intensely than others. I identify as a chronic worrier, as I tend to worry, particularly when an issue appears to have far-reaching consequences.
While I am aware that worrying will not alleviate my depression, there are instances when irrational worries can hinder rational thought. When I delve beneath the surface of worry and analyze the underlying reasons for this emotion, I discover justifiable explanations.
For instance, I envision the worst-case scenarios to ensure preparedness when they materialize. While I acknowledge the consensus among experts regarding the efficacy of positive thinking, there are instances when my mind conjures up worst-case scenarios and devises strategies to address them should they occur. This type of contemplation is not detrimental as long as I refrain from obsessing over potential outcomes due to my proactive approach of planning and preparing for the worst-case scenarios. Consequently, even if the worst-case scenario does not materialize, I am well-equipped to handle the situation effectively.
Conversely, if the worst-case scenario does not transpire, as I had anticipated, it serves as a cause for celebration. One aspect of my mind holds the belief that none of these scenarios will ever materialize if I meticulously consider every conceivable negative outcome. This is the reason why my worst-case scenarios often exhibit heightened sentiment and drama compared to actual life. If one envisions a scenario and it does not materialize, it is a sufficient reason to express gratitude and experience profound relief.
A significant aspect of my personality is my tendency to dwell on and regret past events. My family and friends often remark, “I told you so,” when my dire predictions prove accurate. Occasionally, I find myself unable to resist this inclination, as I am only human. Achieving complete freedom from worry would require the patience and acceptance of an ideal saint. While I allow myself to worry for a period over matters beyond my control, such as the passing of a close friend from cancer or the tragic death of another on a bicycle ride, I tend to express my distress through excessive worry and tears. This is primarily due to the profound sense of helplessness and the inherent nature of this incurable and morbid disease.
Despite the debilitating nature of worry, which depletes my resources, there are instances when I am overcome by fear despite my best efforts to maintain composure in the face of adversity. However, the distinguishing factor between positive individuals and those who succumb to a form of depression due to excessive worry lies in their ability to discern and adhere to appropriate boundaries.
Unfortunately, I am losing focus on this boundary, but I am hopeful that I will be able to maintain my composure.
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