It has been ten weeks since my last blog post. I could provide various excuses, but they are merely that—excuses. I have really let this opportunity slip. Writing makes life better! I really agree with that statement! It's been three years, and life is not getting better. I hated that most of the things I wrote were complaints. I will try to be positive!
I’ve dedicated my life to raising my son, but now that he’s 27, he criticizes me for the choices I made. He only answers his phone when he needs something and becomes distant if I’m not there. He’s secretive and doesn’t have many friends. Despite his success, income, and hard work, I feel like I failed. I’ve known several fathers my age who committed suicide in the past few years. I don’t want to do that, but I often wish I could be sick or dead. I’m tired and alone. Work is my only source of energy, but I hate going to the office. I work over 50 hours a week, and my body is sore. I’m gaining weight and feel frustrated.
The past few months have been challenging. My work has become significantly more stressful, and I am experiencing difficulties. I eagerly anticipate my daily commute to the office. However, I find myself attending the office almost every day. Since January 1st, I have accrued 43 days of vacation time. While this may seem like a substantial amount, it includes all weekends and holidays.
Furthermore, considering that 18 days were spent relocating my son, the situation becomes even more complex. This involved a highly stressful bicycle journey with my son. In reality, I have only had 25 days of vacation time. We had five holidays during that period, which accounts for 20 days. Additionally, there were 29 weekends, so you can calculate the remaining days.
Life has become increasingly challenging in recent years. It is peculiar how, 35 years ago, my friends were getting married. Subsequently, 25 years ago, they were having children. Now, it has arrived at a time when friends are passing away. Reflect on this: I am currently in the stage of my life when friends are passing away! Emotionally, I find it challenging to maintain the unwavering optimism I had for so many years.
Additionally, the possibility of my parents passing away at any moment looms large. We were unaware of this fact, as they were nearing the age of 80. My father and I have a limited relationship. He continues to work diligently on the farm every day. Each time I see him, he appears more worn. As I age, my anger towards him as a father diminishes. Fathers do their best, and we constantly question whether their actions are right or wrong. There is no definitive manual for raising children.
I have also encountered challenges with other family members. My sister’s son recently graduated, and there were difficulties with the celebration. He had a neglectful father, and the family structure was unstable. This is not a result of my sister’s lack of effort. She has diligently worked for the children and now grandchildren, but the children still have high expectations of her, and they are far from self-sufficient. This is a persistent issue, and I am unsure how to provide assistance, which often leads to anger and conflict.
For the past six weeks, I have experienced severe muscle and bone pain. I require approximately 800-1,200 mg of Advil liquid gels daily. This raises concerns for me, but I am uncertain about the available options for pain relief.
The bike ride, which I supported, was both enjoyable and challenging. For further details, please refer to the following link: He successfully completed a ride that many individuals would find insurmountable.
Additionally, I have been capturing photographs recently. My favorite from the trip is the one on the right. Notably, Jordan rode through the storm in the background!
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