Life Goes ON

Shelley has been retired for 8 months. I just celebrated my 2nd anniversary as a retiree. Shelley now feels she lacks a sense of purpose, or at least a feeling of relevance. She loves the arts and tends to immerse herself in them and other activities to feel relevant. Sometimes, this significantly increases her stress, which I believe diminishes her enjoyment of retirement.

I, on the other hand, have eagerly crossed that Irrelevance Cliff and realized early on how small my career is in the grand scheme of life. I have many retired friends, and I find it interesting how little we talk about what they did for a living. With many of them, I don’t even know what their jobs were. It doesn’t matter anymore.

I see retirement as simply a chance to live longer. A time for myself! Unlike Shelley, I genuinely enjoy just being me without feeling the need to be needed, relevant, or important. The stress relief from that lifestyle is unmatched.

Since she retired, I've noticed that my enjoyment of retirement has decreased a bit. That's because when she was working, I could do whatever I wanted on a whim. Now I feel obligated to keep her informed and then guilty about leaving her behind. I'm also guilty of not doing the activities she wants to do, even though I have little interest.

Additionally, I stopped using social media a few years before I retired. She, however, still gets drawn into social media. We find ourselves debating politics more and more, and she only knows what she reads on social media, failing to do any research. She wanted to join a group opposing Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) operations. But the group blocks neighborhood streets to keep ICE officers out, preventing them from entering. 

I, on the other hand, ask her how blocking access to the neighborhood is acceptable as a means of protecting illegal activity from ICE. ICE is working to secure our borders and remove people. They want to keep illegals out! Again, the protesters' goal: to prevent ICE from doing its job. While I do not support the ICE process, they have all the legal authority to enter areas, but the protesters want to keep them out of places where illegal residents might be.

Then she disparaged Tom Homan, the ICE Director. But what she did not realize was that Tom Homan was appointed by President Barack Obama as the executive associate director of enforcement and removal operations at Immigration and Customs Enforcement in 2013. By 2014, under the Obama administration, Homan argued that separating children from their caregivers would be an effective way to discourage illegal border crossings. Additionally, under Obama, Homan advocated for the deportation of illegal immigrants and opposed sanctuary city policies. There was no issue in 2014. In fact, in 2015, President Barack Obama awarded him a Presidential Rank Award for his effectiveness in deporting illegal immigrants. 

Homan established his policies and beliefs during the Obama Administration and remains consistent now. I get irritated when people protest aggressively against actions taken under Presidents Bill Clinton, George Bush, and Barack Obama. If they care so much, where were they over a decade ago? Below is a chart showing departures over a few decades. (SOURCE: Transactional Records Access Clearinghouse, Syracuse University)

So far, the Trump Administration has not come close to what the Obama Administration did without any protests. If I were protecting a process rather than enabling illegal activity, I might agree. The current process is flawed. However, it shows a huge bias to be outraged, remove illegal individuals, and it was acceptable under Obama. They should protest the current harsh process, not help and support the illegal residents.

That's my recent rant. If this continues, who knows, it might lead to two people who haven't argued about anything for twenty years stopping talking to each other. I can’t support the strong positions Shelley is getting from Social Media, and she believes my research and facts are wrong.

I just want to enjoy retirement and my desire to be irrelevant!

Carry on my friends, carry on!

New Car

I did it. I upgraded my car and went fully electric. I had planned to upgrade in the Fall 2026 / Spring of 2027, yet I have been watching the options for the past 6 months. I liked the Kia EV6 since I drove it in 2022, and I like the new Tesla Model Y. Shelley hates driving the Model Y with all the controls on the middle-mounted screen. The EV6 shares many features with a typical gas-powered auto. My Kia Niro, which I bought in November 2018, was approaching 80,000 miles and needed the timing and serpentine belts replaced, along with some other minor maintenance. If I could find a new car at a reasonable price, I would be ready to buy early and use those funds for a purchase rather than a repair. 

While monitoring the EV6 and Tesla markets, I noticed a 0% interest option on Kia EV6 vehicles. Although it’s tempting to save money when buying a new car, this could be an easy way to earn conservative returns on cash. I did the same with my Kia Niro, taking out a 5-year loan that I paid off in 40 months. Since I have no debts, this wasn't an issue. I decided against that option as the prices were still over $40,000. Then I saw a 2023 Kia EV6 lease return with 15,000 miles for $26,998 ($30,292 under original invoice - see below). 

I convinced Shelley to take a test drive. I had thought the color was white, and that was not my favorite option. However, when the salesman drove it around, I fell in love with the color and look. It was off-white, called glacier. Shelley test-drove the vehicle and was pleased with it. 

So I started negotiations. With the trade-in of the Kia Niro, they said I would be able to walk out for under $23,000, including taxes and license fees ($7,500 for the Niro). I told them I needed to think it over and went home to do some research.  I was all over the map, prepared to buy as they offered, to walking from the deal, and my mind just kept spinning. I spend at least 5 hours lamenting. I finally decided to approach the dealership, and if they could get me out the door for closer to $20,000, either by a lower price or a higher trade value, I would do the deal. 

I went to the dealership at 12:30 and started the discussion. Four hours later, I left with the car on my terms! I was pleased. In my opinion, this was a great deal! A significant number of leased EVs are being returned, so it is a buyer's market. I may find a better deal over the next year, but this car's color and amenities are just what I want. In the future, I may not see all the desired features in a single vehicle at a great price. 

Now the search for a charger installation and learning the new vehicle operation. 

Carry on my friends, carry on!

No structure

I dislike disciplining the kids, but it's part of raising them to become adults. It’s harder when Shelley and I have opposite approaches to raising children. Since we both have successful kids, I believe both methods are correct, just like oil and water when adults apply their methods simultaneously on the same child.

On top of that, Shelley has her nighttime routine, so to accommodate her, I need to sleep with less than 2.5 feet of space on the queen bed at Allison’s. I typically have one arm and part of one leg hanging off the side of the bed. This makes sleep VERY difficult, but at least I do not disrupt her very essential sleep process. I also need earplugs because she snores, wear an eye mask because she needs the ceiling fan on high, and double layers because she needs the window open when it's 30 degrees outside. In addition, the CPAP air is frigid, so I need to place a heating element in the bedroom near my body to warm the air and reduce lung irritation.

I woke up at 6:30 AM today to bake cinnamon rolls for the kids. I made a mistake by not reading the directions last night, which said they should be started at room temperature, making the cooking time an hour longer. I had to improvise with the stovetop and microwave. As a result, they ended up too dark. Not burned, but close, and they had way too much cinnamon. They did not go over well! Oh well, Shelley made sure to let me know I failed.

Maeve was a handful this morning. She demanded the iPad Faye had, tried to call her mother to say we weren't nice, and refused to eat. Shelley just let her be on her own, pouting in the laundry room, making noises. I eventually had enough and carried Maeve, kicking and screaming, to the table where we made her sit until it was time for the bus. It was quite a scene! We set breakfast in front of her, but she kept up her bad behavior, and Shelley brushed it off.

Once she settled down, she ate a light breakfast and then headed to the bus as needed. We took Jack to school and arrived exactly at nine, but the process for incoming kids was slow. It wasn't until 9:20 AM that we finally unloaded Jack. I came back and took a quick nap before going to the club to lift weights. I returned and cleaned the patio and the garage before we had to leave to pick up Jack.

We took Jack to Crockett Park Playground again. He met a boy about a year older, Grant, and they played really hard. I was disappointed because I had a great video of them on the slide, but it somehow didn't save. Such a bummer, as it was a really good one.

We reached home by 4:00 PM and went through the post-school routine again. After dinner, we played Right-Left-Center. At 7:00 PM, Shelley took Jack for a bath; Faye watched a movie on the iPad; and Vera and Maeve went into the cold tub (Vera for 12 minutes and Maeve for 6 minutes), then into the hot tub. After 15 minutes in the hot tub, I told them to come out, but they refused. I told them again, but they refused.

Since Shelley disapproved of how I supervise the children, I told her they were in the hot tub and wouldn't get out, and it is her problem. Shelley came into the bedroom, upset with me for going to bed, so I went back outside.

It turned out Maeve and Faye were once again going into the cold tub, and Maeve said, "Grammy said they can." Shelley and I argued again, and I angrily told them they lied to Grammy and to get in the house. They didn’t listen, so I left it to Grammy. Grammy let them continue in the hot tubs, and I just shook my head.

Maeve seems to enjoy pushing buttons, and Vera asserts her independence. I don't know how she behaves when we're not around, but Maeve is not a pleasant child. She's very manipulative and becomes angry when boundaries are established, which makes things much more difficult. 

What makes it more complicated is that the widening child-rearing gap between Shelley and me is growing. I am reaching the point of reevaluating my future with Shelley. When we're around the children, we argue more than ever because she hates how I do things and often criticizes me. In fact, that was happening at home, too. I clean the kitchen, and then she comes and does it again. I vacuum, and she points out where I missed a crumb. I put things in the pantry and fridge in a way that makes sense to me, and she tells me I am wrong. This whole situation has me reevaluating my involvement with Shelley and the grandkids, as she lets them run all over her, and I keep trying to set boundaries. Shelley is doing more to bring me down, to make herself feel better.

I need to reconsider future trips involving kids if I stay in this relationship. It was 9:45 PM before I finally went to bed without a word to Shelley. 

Carry on my friends, Carry on!

Short trip to Babysit

This trip started early! We had a 6:35 AM flight to Nashville, where we will watch four of Shelley’s grandchildren while the parents relax in Cabo. They were supposed to leave yesterday, and his mother watched the children until we arrived today. Shelley’s daughter and her husband received a message that their Saturday 6 AM flight was delayed by 90 minutes. Yet when they arrived at the airport, they were told the flight wasn't delayed and that they had missed it! I saw the text message that it was late, and this was a terrible situation caused by a Southwest Airlines flight. They managed to get on a flight this morning, so they'll be a day late!

I was nervous about sleeping too late and missing the flight. So, when I woke up at 3:00 AM, I stayed awake. Shelley was up by 4:15 AM since my sister was picking us up at 5:00 AM. The trip to the airport was smooth, but once we arrived, I was shocked to see that departures were backed up a quarter mile. I have never seen departures this busy in decades. I assume the final holiday rush caused it, and most people were heading home on Sunday.

We were fortunate that I had upgraded us to first class as a Christmas gift to Shelley. This let us take a short line to check her bag and reach the gate 30 minutes early. If she had to wait in the regular line, it would have been close.

The flight was full. When I boarded, I noticed that about 75 percent of the passengers were Montana State fans heading to Nashville for the FCS National Championship. I wanted to attend that game, but No. 1 seed North Dakota State lost its first-round game to Illinois State, which is in the Championship. I really hope Montana State wins because their coach is a great person, and it would be well-deserved. In the last two championships, 12021 and 2024, North Dakota State beat them in the final game. The only other time they won was in 1984.

We landed just after 9:00 AM, and everything went smoothly. Shelley ordered an Uber. There’s no mass transit to Brentwood, so for $85, it was our only option. Crazy the cost for the 13-mile, 25-minute trip, but there’s no other option.

When we arrived, the children and Grandma Sue were playing left, right, and center. This is a dice game they love! That was followed by Bingo, which took us to lunch. After lunch, Shelley took Maeve to basketball, and I played outside with Vera, Faye, and Jack. When Shelley returned, I cleaned the kitchen. At 3:15 PM, we headed to the Factory for donuts and ice cream. Faye and Jack said they wanted donuts, while the rest stood in the long line for ice cream. Since there was no ice cream flavor I liked, I also had a donut. Unfortunately, we finished the donuts before Shelley ordered ice cream, and she gave in when Faye and Jack said they wanted it, too. To fix the situation, Maeve and Vera each got a bag of their favorite chips from Daddy’s Dogs, and Jack and Faye needed to share one.

That didn't go over well. Jack threw a tantrum and created a scene because he wanted his own chips. I picked him up and told him he couldn't get his way by crying. After I threw him over my shoulder, they held him up by the ankle behind me, and he seemed to forget about the chips.

We arrived home at 4:45 PM. Shelley stayed to make dinner with Jack, Maeve, and Faye while I took Vera to basketball practice. Once practice was over, Shelley got the four kids to bed while I cleaned up the kitchen. We were both so tired as it was, and with an early start, we were happy to relax at 9:30 PM.  We both need a great night's sleep.

Carry on my friends, carry on!

Infusions over? Feel a little better

Yesterday was my last iron infusion and eighth of the year! I hope it's the final one for now. My hands were affected by previous infusions, so this time they used my arm. This is much easier for me than the hand route, and I'm glad they chose this option.

For the first time, I am experiencing side effects from the iron infusion, such as headaches, nausea, dizziness, fatigue, and muscle aches. Strange sensations include pain in my left earlobe and the outside of my big toes. Very odd feelings! They also advise no exertion or significant exercise for 48 hours. I am really looking forward to getting on the bike tomorrow, after 9 days off for the infusion!

The hematologist believes that the only place I could be losing blood is in my stomach. I know that when I take oral iron, my stool is often red. I assume hemorrhoids (piles) or anal fissures (tears) caused by the severe constipation from oral iron. Sometimes the stool is black, too. I have started taking Pantoprazole and watching my diet, hoping this will lead me closer to a solution.

What’s frustrating is that the recommended dose of Pantoprazole is 20 mg twice daily. However, insurance does not cover that dosage and frequency. Instead, they cover the 40 mg tablet I would take once a day, but in a less ideal way. What's ironic is that the two options cost about the same, but for some reason, they will not cover the 20 mg dose.

Shelley returned from Nashville late yesterday, where she had a rewarding yet exhausting time with her four grandchildren. I know her dad is eager to see her, since she has been visiting him at least three times a week and has been gone for six days. We leave again in January to babysit the four children while her parents go to Cabo. I had initially hoped that North Dakota State would make the FCS finals and arrive in Nashville early for the FCS Championship, but they really blew it in the first playoff round. They did not look good. Still, Montana State seems unstoppable. So maybe it's a blessing they didn’t make it.

Until next time, Carry on my friends, carry on!

Christmas Eve

So here we are, it's Christmas Eve. Shelley flew to Nashville on Monday to be with four of her seven grandchildren. Her dad is unhappy she is gone over Christmas, but in memory care, not sure there is a Christmas.  Or if they remember if there was.

Initially, I planned to spend Christmas in North Carolina with my son, and Shelley would be in Nashville. However, my anemia dictated otherwise. I was experiencing dizziness, shortness of breath, and other symptoms related to anemia. On two occasions, I fell when I stood up because of low iron. I needed to get the infusions as soon as possible.

Since I have already met my deductibles this year and needed to boost my iron levels quickly, getting infusions before the year ends was the best option. After several weeks of dealing with insurance, we finally scheduled the infusions. Just today and December 26 infusions remain.

I hope the infusions can help me shake off the funk I've been in. It’s been tough to work out, and my shortness of breath has been a real challenge to overcome. However, after the first three infusions, I’ve noticed less difficulty breathing! My muscles are sore, and they say not to do anything strenuous for 24 to 48 hours after each infusion, so I will have to wait until next week to work out.

So I am spending the holidays at home alone, getting infusions and resting. I might visit my mother, but she is unwell, and I don't want to catch anything that could disrupt the infusion schedule and extend into next year when my deductible resets!

I'm spending my alone time shampooing the carpets and doing some deep cleaning around the house. It really needed it! I haven't been home much since September 11—only 14 days—and I never got around to doing the pre-winter cleaning. I hope I can get a few weeks at home to actually recover from the infusions and all my travels. I have one more trip planned: to watch Shelley's grandchildren for 10 days in early January.

I am torn with my decision to let go of any relationship with my estranged son. The full post is available here. In his 45 years of life, I have seen him for far fewer than 365 days.  There was that strong hope for so long. So many times he said he would stay in touch, and I was ghosted. It is part of life to accept.

There's a chance I'll have to fly to North Carolina to watch the dog in late January and again in late February. Jordan's fiancé has to go to Abu Dhabi at least twice, for two-week stretches early this spring. If Jordan travels, he'll need someone to babysit the dog. Over the past year, I've been the preferred babysitter because, for some reason, that dog just adores me and gives me chores to do while I'm there.

Carry on my friends, carry on!

Bentleyville 2025

We decided to take a one-day trip to Duluth, Minnesota, to see Bentleyville, the country's largest free Christmas light display. Since we had some Christmas packages arriving, we waited until they were delivered before leaving. At 2:00 PM, one package arrived, so we decided to go, thinking the second might not come today. The first package was a cute ornament from Leslie! 

About 10 minutes into the drive, I got a text message saying the second package had been delivered. We turned around and picked up the mail. It was 2:35 PM, and we were back on the road heading toward Duluth. We encountered a few traffic jams on the south side of Saint Paul, but otherwise, the traffic was smooth and easy to navigate. We arrived in Duluth just after 5:00 PM and checked into the hotel. Arriving in the room, Shelley was excited. The room was a suite, with a bedroom, a fireplace, a separate living room, and a small kitchen. When exploring the bathroom, she found a large soaking tub separate from the shower.

Since we had the executive privileges, we went upstairs to the concierge lounge. They were serving egg rolls, wontons, deviled eggs, and mini chocolate pies for dessert. This was adequate for the night's dinner. 

One frustration was forgetting my CPAP machine's power cord. Luckily, I picked one up at Ace Hardware, only half a mile away. Shelley would not have been happy with me if I hadn’t gotten the cord! It was about 6:30 PM when we finally arrived at Bentleyville.

It wasn't very crowded, and it made for a nice walk. Shelley was amazed by all the lights, and I'm happy she enjoyed them. I enjoyed them with Jordan about 7 years ago, and they are still great, just not as impressive as the first time. They provide free hot chocolate, chocolate-chip cookies, popcorn, and marshmallows to roast over the fires. For a free event, this is outstanding—better than some events that require an entry fee.

I tried to take many pictures, and some are shown below. During a photo attempt, I was clumsy, toppled one of the displays, and landed flat on my face. Fortunately, I was OK, and all I cared about was the camera. I was happy I didn't appear to have broken anything. I tested the camera to make sure it was OK. I hurt all over and wondered how I would feel tomorrow. Images are below.

  

It was about 8:15 PM when we got back to the hotel. We relaxed and enjoyed the excellent room until we had to leave the next day. 

I had a decent night's sleep, but Shelley slept little at all. I was up at 8:00 AM and went to the concierge lounge for breakfast. Shelley joined me at 9:00 AM as we planned the day. We decided a short shopping trip would be nice before heading home. Due to the weather, we wanted to get home before rush hour.

At 1:45 AM, we were heading to Canal Park for a quick shopping trip. At Duluth Pack Company, I found a good outdoor fire poker. At other stores, Shelley found some gifts for the grandkids. We also discovered a great chocolate shop where we couldn't resist a variety of quality treats.

At 1:30 PM, we were heading home. The drive was easy, and we arrived home just before 4:00 PM, ahead of rush hour traffic. We were tired, so we unloaded, ate, relaxed, and turned in early.

Carry on my friends, Carry On! 

Contact made

On November 20, I posted about letting go regarding my oldest and estranged son. As stated, he tends to reach out at odd hours after long periods, with “news”. The past two times, he said he had a new phone and had the wrong number.

He sent me an e-mail on December 5. It read:

So, a couple of things. I got a new phone and your old number must have stuck in my contacts but your new number did not. I've been messaging you but I think it's to your old one. Like a lot. I messaged you happy birthday and other things and the only reason I can think of is it's your old number.

What is your current number? 

Knowing I did not have a new number, since my phone number has remained the same since late 2021 after Jacob passed away. I thought he was using the same excuse again and was reaching out with “news” that might require some financial support. So I immediately replied the next day, saying:

Mmmmm. So you texted several times, including over three months ago, and you just thought of emailing now?  Sorry if that sounds wrong.

What number do you have? I have had only one for over three years, and we exchanged texts several times.

I am unsure what the news is, but I have had a recurring dream for the past 7 months. It is so strange and generally the same. He is dressed like Jean Valjean. He is the protagonist of Victor Hugo's 1862 novel Les Misérables. The story depicts the character's struggle to lead an everyday life and redeem himself after serving a 19-year-long prison sentence for stealing bread to feed his sister's starving children and attempting to escape from prison. He finds ailing Fanitine. He agrees to care for Fantine’s eight-year-old daughter, Cosette.

Why is that background important? In my recurring dream, my estranged son is dressed like Jean Valjean and is standing over me singing, “So dad, you see it’s true, I have a daughter just for you. Her name is Cossette!”

So it has been a week, and he has not replied. I am not sure he will, as it would show the only number he has is the only one I had for three years. I sent many messages for Christmas 2024, and he replied, “Let’s both make an effort to keep in touch more often. It’s something I want, and I hope you do too.” I wrote three more times and texted twice. He said, “I am busy and will get back to you!” Never heard from him again.

Maybe he will come clean and admit he ignored me. As stated, our last communication was last Christmas and he ghosted me, as he has throughout his life, unless he has “news”.

Carry on my friend, carry on!